Food Fest! Have you had your duck blood today?

We went to the Shanghai Jade Garden. I think that was the name. I am obviously behind on this blog and am pulling things from memory. If you have a big party going into a restaurant here in China, they have separate rooms in which to dine. I mean real separate rooms with doors and a big table and a couch and credenza and your own wait staff. I must say that the food service is very fast in restaurants here. Then again, when you don’t take the time to debone, skin, or remove anything on an animal, it makes it pretty easy to fix. I can’t even remember all of the food that came out. There had to be 20 different dishes. I think this is where the frog legs were served rather than at my first meal. They eat a lot of duck. Smoked duck, spicy duck, roasted duck, cold duck, warm duck, AFLAK!!!!

There were ginko nuts, (I had chestnuts the night before), duck, frog legs, Chinese cabbage, fish, (this time I saw it come to the table) shrimp, (heads, feet, everything), dish after dish of different things and some kind of rice wine thing for desert. Let me say now that they do not know what sweet is in China. Chocolate is not popular. You can get it, but it is not appreciated. Desserts are not as we know them. Then again, I did not see heavy people. I could never buy anything in a clothing store here. XXL fits my size 5 daughter. One of the things that I particularly liked was the lotus root. It was deep-fried and was stuffed with meat, probably pork, which was very tasty. There were dumplings. I grew fond of Chinese dumplings dipped in a soy vinegar sauce while I was there. There was a rice, (I assume), bread that looked like a dumpling but tasted like a roll that was good, and a chicken and vegetable dish that looked like something you might actually get at a Chinese restaurant in the US. I had to have a fork and knife, I still could not use the chopsticks, and I would have been totally nervous in front of all those people using them. The problem is, forks and knives are not conducive to Chinese food. There is too much to spit out. Duck bones, fish bones, hard things, (don’t ask, I really don’t know), and long stuff that you can’t put in your mouth all at once; it’s a messy business, and western utensils just don’t work. You can’t pull shrimp heads out of your mouth with a fork, but chopsticks work real well. I don’t know how they shell those suckers while they are in their mouths, but I was amazed. I just did it with my fingers, there was no way I was going to master that talent on the first try. Plus, I really did not want to bite off a shrimp head. I thought at first that they were eating them, but I was mistaken (at least I think so). I saw something that pleased me. There were supposed to be 12 of us at lunch, but there were only 9 so everything that was served had 3 left over. When we left the restaurant, someone took some of the leftovers in a doggie bag. Looks like some cultural things are universal.

With lunch and evaluations behind us, we went back to the office. Every time I was in the office, I tried to get as much done as possible. It was my only network time and I was so far behind from losing a day that I was never going to catch up with my other responsibilities. At around 6:00 “J” was asking if I would like to go for dinner. It had been a long day, and we were both ready to go, so off we went to dinner. We ate in one of the the shopping mall/office buildings that were close to the office. Tonight it is spicy Szechwan food. I love spicy food. “J” orders for us. She asks me what I would like to try, but I am game for anything and tell her to order what she likes. Tonight I will try the chopsticks. First comes a cold dish of fish. It looks like it has been fried. “J” tells me how to eat around the bones. I tell you, that is the hardest thing I am finding about the food here. I know why everyone is so thin. They work off calories as they eat by eating around bones! The smaller portions may be part of it too. They aren't like the American "hogs to the trough" size. Anyway, although I am not a huge fish fan, this is alright. Using the chopsticks seems to be easy at this point, and “J” actually says I am doing a good job.

Have I mentioned how great “J” is? She has been an absolute treasure since I have gotten here. She is very protective and has been at my side for every move.

Next dish is a cold dish of jellyfish head. OK, I had that last night and it wasn’t my favorite, but different restaurant, different taste……..maybe. Ok…………..NOT a different taste. I just can’t get over that gristly chewy texture, cause really, what can you do to "see through goo" to make it taste different? My son has made this comment “At what point do you see a jellyfish and decide Huh! That would be tasty!” Then again, he is an assistant manager at a plasma donation site and one donor made the comment that he would like to taste his plasma (his own, not my son’s). So anything is possible I guess. One more thing on the jellyfish, one of my colleagues told me that it was one of his favorite dishes, but his wife didn’t like it. He said he liked to eat it with a little piece hanging out of his lip to gross her out. HAHAHAHA! Men are the same everywhere aren’t they?

Next dish was a spicy eggplant. I liked this. When “J” was ordering, she wanted to make sure I wanted to try it because it was very hot. I said if she could eat it, I could eat it. Texas chili, jalapenos, habaneras, and a pepper that comes from Guam that is unbelievably hot have tempered my mouth over the years. I didn’t think I would have any problem with this. Sorry, no funny story here, it really was not as hot as I expected it to be, but it was very tasty.

Now we have a dish served that is duck blood and something else. When I ask what the "something else" is, the answer is “beef intestine”. OK, I am here; I am game. I just can’t figure out how the little squares of duck blood stay congealed when it is hot. It has the consistency of slippery tofu. It is a little harder to pick up with chopsticks, but if you are careful it can be done. Now I ask you, what is the proper way to eat duck blood? Do you chew it, or do you just let it slide down? I remember many many years ago; I went to a party where there were raw oysters served. I put Tabasco sauce on them and just sucked them down out of the shell. No chewing involved. Are raw oysters still alive? I really liked them and ate too many. I wasn’t doing so well the next day. I don’t think I have had raw oysters since then. Anyway, I just picked up the DB and gave it one bite then let it slide. I don’t think I can give a fair evaluation of the taste because my brain was going “YOU’RE EATING DUCK BLOOD!! YOU’RE EATING DUCK BLOOD!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU’RE EATING DUCK BLOOD!!” It kind of overwhelmed my taste center, and in turn made my gag reflex go “Brain has told me you are eating duck blood, abort……abort……abort!” However, I was able to push through this and get it down along with a couple more. I tried the beef intestine too. It was speckled brown ( I am hoping that was the natural color after cleaning) and a little rubbery; kind of like eating a piece of fat. This was not my favorite dish so far, but everything has to be given a chance. By this time I hear Scotty (another Star Trek reference for those of you who don’t know) in my brain “I’ve tried everything capt’n and I can’t get her to respond. She’s eating everything they put in front of her!”

Last dish is a dessert. “J” likes sweets. She is a very attractive woman, tall and slender, but she thinks she is too heavy. My left leg is bigger than her…………….

Anyway, sweets in China are not very sweet. Many people do not like sweets and any chocolate that you find is not indigenous to the area. The same goes for pastries, breads, cheeses, milk, (although there is soy milk). This dessert was a boiled dumpling with brown lacing which was sesame and in the middle was mildly sweet black sesame. Interestingly, the sesame in the middle was as dry as a bone. This came to the table in a hot bowl of water with a ladle to scoop out the dumplings. I assume it is the same water in which it was cooked. This was tasty. Not a chocolate mousse by any stretch, but still tasty.

After dinner we walk back to the hotel. My feet are beginning to feel painful. I have been walking more than I usually do and I only brought dress shoes with me. The ones I have on are flats, but it feels like I have been walking barefoot and the balls of my feet are painful and that stupid pinky toe on my right foot has curved under my 4th toe again making it go pointy because when I walk, I walk on the side of the toe. After walking all day at the hospital, it is bothering me. And I have been walking up stairs………I am just fine on a level surface, but stairs kill me. I am already hypoxic most of the time and I get air hungry pretty quickly on stairs. I feel like “The Little Engine That Could” going up stairs. I THINK I can, I THINK I can, I THINK I can. As long as I don’t have to talk for a few minutes after I finish climbing, I am OK.

Tomorrow is a big day. I will be doing training for the staff at the hospital. One of the team members here in the office has made my slides bilingual. That should help.

Business......Chinese Style; Shanghai Dairies Continued

OK, dinner is over, it’s almost 8:00, guess what I get to do? Gather my computer bag up and walk back to the hotel. It’s only 2 blocks, but my legs feel like rubber bands and guess what I did? I wore a new pair of shoes…..Having a college education doesn’t mean anything sometimes……….

”J” (I’ll call my colleague “J” here for her privacy) walked back with me since she is staying in the same hotel; I am so glad she is here. She can give me CPR when I collapse. There isn’t much to say about what happened after I got back to the hotel. I fell asleep approximately 30 seconds after I hit the bed. That was probably 8:30.

Why is it that no matter how long you go without sleep, you cannot sleep an equal amount of time to make up for it? I awoke at 4:30 a.m. It was weird; I was on the same clock as when I travel from the East coast to the West coast. I always end up going to bed at around 8-9 West Coast time and getting up at 4:30-5:00 in the morning. It didn’t matter, I felt really good, but I knew it would only last until mid-afternoon. I had plenty of time to get up, get dressed, put my things away, (they were just thrown on the floor or in my suitcase……fatigue makes a slob out of the most fastidious), and write a bit. I tried to get my work priorities in place, but without being connected to the network, it left me without the tools I needed to get it together.

I didn’t eat any breakfast, but my stomach was recovering from the whole time and food thing. While your brain does a wonderful job of thinking, organizing, rationalizing, and understanding what you are doing, the rest of the body is out of the communication loop. It’s like a big organization that keeps its employees informed only as much as necessary. The message is “Do your work as normal, we will take care of any outside disturbances.” In the meantime, there is all this turmoil and stimuli that affect the ability to work normally. The stomach is trying to deal with new unfamiliar work and no training, the digestive system just makes it up as it goes along, and then there are the various systems that just go on strike………..like my leg muscles who have had a cushy job most of their life. Now they have to work harder, and they just don’t want to. I can just hear those little muscle cells saying. “That’s it!! I’m done!! She is being ridiculous with this forced overtime!”
Today is the day we go to the site and try to play nice with the persons who will be doing our work. I have to do an evaluation of the site and meet with the PI (principle investigator). I have been trying to learn the proper manners and protocol to deal with this. In business, I like to be direct. I like people to be direct with me. That way there is no mistaking what the expectations are. If I have a question, I will ask, I don’t care how dumb it sounds. There is nothing worse than beating around the bush. Here, however, I have to be careful not to offend anyone. It’s not that I am a person that will offend normally it’s just that it’s a cultural thing I guess. We went to the hospital and met with our expert………nothing like kissing some tushy. I got a whole history of the hospital and how it was related to the university and how the government is moving forward with guidelines on drugs and food. (Maybe the drugs part…….but you will never convince me that they have any control over the quality of food…………….any country that eats bull penis will say any food is OK.)

Now I get a tour (I am evaluating as I go) of the hospital and the clinical unit. First of all let me say that the nurses still wear caps. As a nurse, please……….they must not have any male nurses here. Can you just picture male nurses in caps? There are many that think nurses should go back to all white clothing with caps………..(my husband)………….I think they all have some kind of fantasy issue because then come the short skirts and garter belts to go with it.

Back to the tour: The hospital was built in 1936, and has some original architecture that is really cool. It is very traditional Chinese architecture with the turned up eves and such. However, I feel like I have stepped into a 1920’s horror movie with Dr. Frankenstein just around the corner. It’s not the technology or the medical capabilities that bother me, I am sure that they are quite capable and heaven knows they are intelligent and work hard, but the visuals around me are just plain scary. Patients are walking around inside and out in their convict style PJs and they don’t look very clean. Peeking up the halls into the “wards” (which I never got to see) it looks like something out of a war movie. Stark bare walls, dark hallways, people crammed together everywhere, and smells of cooking food permeate the halls and walkways. (Later I saw one of the sources of food. On the bottom floor outside there is a store and they are cooking something in a pot in front of the store. Mind you, this is still part of the hospital but it is in a breezeway that is open that connects one part of the hospital to another.) The city streets and the hospital seem to merge into one mass of humanity. We walked through to a new building (they were quite proud of the newness; it did look nice) that was the outpatient area. We were one floor up and could look over the whole floor beneath us. The outside wall is actually a huge window 2 stories tall and you can see outside on the sidewalks and inside to the outpatient area. I was astonished to see hundreds (really—there were hundreds) of people lined up against the windows an all over the downstairs. This was not an emergency room, but an outpatient clinic. One of my Chinese colleagues leaned over to me and said, “They are waiting to see a doctor.” Whaaaaaaa? how does that work? How many days do you have to wait? Do you take a number? I should have asked, but I was too dumbstruck to think of it. I felt so badly for them, I wanted to go down and help. At lease I could do some assessements...........Oh never mind, I don't speak Chinese. Doctors are not allowed to have private practices here (however, dentists may), so you can’t make an appointment to see a doctor. I asked if they have government insurance and the answer was “Some people do.” meaning those that work for the government, and not even all of them. I asked if business’s offer healthcare and the answer was “Some do, but it isn’t always very good.” Sounds familiar doesn’t it? We continue on. I still have the images of all of those people in my head. They were sick too…..coughing and hacking and laying around. People were waiting inside and outside sitting on the sidewalks, inpatients are walking around, stretchers are being pushed inside and outside people, people, and more people everywhere. (Do any of you remember the Star Trek [original Star Trek] episode where only Captain Kirk and one girl were on the Enterprise? She kept dancing around the ship not wanting to tell the capatin why she was there. She seemed to run from place to place and then at the end you see out of the window that people are jammed together all over the planet with no room? It was a 60's attempt to makes us aware of the population explosion. Anyway, that is what keeps coming to mind around here.)

A few feet away was the pharmacy; it was mobbed. It reminded me of the floor of the New York stock exchange, you know with people hollering and yelling and making motions with their hands that only other traders understand. You can buy drugs outside of the hospital, but then insurance doesn’t cover it (if you have it), but the price is the same.

We get on an elevator to go to the clinical lab. How many people can you fit on an elevator in China? Let’s just say it is a lot. I was standing there with my arms pinned down to my side crammed into the side of the elevator while more people attempted to get on. Now, I am a head taller than most everyone in there and if you have seen “Toy Story” I felt like Woody did when he fell into the toy machine.

We go to the clinical lab and again this is an outpatient area for clinical hematology, clinical chemistry, and urinalysis. I caught a glimpse of how they collect blood. They have about 10-15 windows like bank teller windows, except they are down low so you can sit. You stick your arm through the window and the phlebotomist on the other side takes your blood. I guess it is space saving and efficient. NEXT!!

So we go into the lab……………………..You come through one set of doors and then the lab is in the middle with another set of doors. That’s good, except the lab doors are wide open and samples are sitting everywhere. That wouldn’t be so bad except they are all without tops. So open samples are sitting open in the lab with the open lab doors. I am cringing. I am not going to complain about the lab set-up because that isn’t the focus……….but they are not even covered. EW!……….. What if someone slipped and fell and knocked a table over………… The same conditions where the urinalysis is done………………..open tubes of pee everywhere. Far be it from me to criticize.

Now back through the human mass to the study unit. It looks like a prison camp. Dark, dank, stark concrete walls and floors, 4 beds to a room. The rooms have little light and no room to move around. They are about the size of 4 and ½ beds. My big request here is please move the crash cart into the hall where you can at least get to it if you need it. It is well stocked.

The lab that will be processing the blood samples for the study is eerily quiet. It isn’t the hospital lab, but a separate lab for studies. It is lifeless and pretty bare. The essentials are there, but that is about it. The –70 freezer has me worried. They keep assuring me that it has plenty of room, but I just don’t buy it. It is all they have; I guess I am going to have to believe them for the moment.

Now that we have schmoozed, toured, and I have asked my questions, it is time for everyone to go to lunch……………..Everyone is going from both sides. This will be fun.

Hungry? Let's Eat Real Chinese Food!

This is a long post.... get some popcorn!

I get into the shower and as I get out the phone rings. They want to come and get me now. Give me 20 minutes I tell them…..I throw on some clothes, put on a new face and get my laptop and presentation ready. No rest for the weary. Since we had never met, I had to take a guess that the business clad woman and her male companion were my Shanghai colleagues. How hard could it be to guess that I was the one they were looking for? Large blond woman with a rolling computer bag coming toward you had to be me. I was right and they were too. Although the office was within walking distance, (I didn’t know this at the time) we took a cab. It would have been faster to walk, (I am telling you, you cannot believe the traffic) but I was glad for the ride. By the time I completed the training it was 3:30, (2:30 a.m. at home). Now it is time to go from the meeting room to the offices. (I am going on 43 hours without quality sleep. What is wrong with this picture?) I am now doing paperwork, catching up on emails that I can’t do anything about at the moment (did I mention that I have about 3 other projects going on simultaneously?) and trying to stay awake while refraining from biting someone’s head off and spitting it into the garbage can. I pop off a few emails to home, copy a post here, and it is approaching 6 p.m. (5.a.m. at home; 45.5 hours; I want a bed). The new director of clinical operations stops by……….now they want to take me to dinner. “How nice, that would be lovely!” I say. I am crying on the inside. Thankfully the restaurant is in the office complex. Very nice restaurant and the food is good.

Let’s just take a few minutes here and discuss Chinese eating and Chinese food, shall we? I have learned that there is a difference in Chinese cuisine. It differs from region to region, just like our American food differs from north to south, east to west. Since Shanghai is a port city, seafood is quite popular. The northern regions like Beijing have more pork, chicken and beef, and there is Shanghai styles of food as well as Cantonese and Szechwan. The Chinese are very parsimonious, very frugal, and take pride in the fact that they don’t waste any part of an animal (sea type or land type). Keep that in mind for the future………… Being the adventurous type, I am more than happy to try anything. I don’t get squeamish about much, and feel that just because I don’t happen to eat what you eat doesn’t mean it’s not worth eating. I came here game to try it all. I have not been disappointed, but we’ll get to that later.

I have to tell kind of a funny story here before I go on. I ate breakfast on the plane, but it was after lunch by the time I got to the offices. The physician that I was traveling with came in a week before me. She is Chinese and I just adore her. She told me that they wanted to get me KFC or McDonalds for lunch. She told them “No, get her Chinese food!” She knew me well enough to know that that would be OK. KFC is the most recognized brand in China………….can you believe that? I probably would have laughed out loud had I come in to a lunch of KFC. They got Chinese fast food which was duck and something else, but never got a chance to even take a bite because we hit the ground running. I right this post at odd hours in the very early morning or very late at night, because I don’t have any other time.

I love the way the Chinese eat. For larger groups, the table is big and round with a lazy susan in the middle on which to place the various dishes. The first time I experienced this was in Los Angeles at a local Chinese restaurant that really had very few employees that spoke English. I just pointed to pictures and let them bring the food to my table. I wasn’t sure what I was eating, but the experience was fun. Anyway, eating is such an experience. There were 6 of us out to dinner. The meals start with appetizers. It is customary to have cold dishes and hot dishes. They seem to bring out at least 3 of each. Each person has a little plate. Not a dinner plate, more like a dessert plate. You just take a taste or two of everything that is on the table. There is always much more food than one can eat, but the Chinese custom is to leave something. If you eat all of the food you have indicated to them that they have not provided enough for you to eat. Everyone eats out of the community bowl or plate on the lazy susan. That works with chopsticks, but not so well with forks and knives. I didn’t attempt the chopsticks this time around. I just didn’t have a clue on how to use them and I was so tired I could barely hold the things I knew how to use. The utensils they brought me were huge, it’s like you have to rest the handle of the fork on your shoulder. We had octopus, smoked duck, frog’s legs, seaweed, jellyfish, some vegetable dishes; I can’t even remember everything they brought out. I like octopus, I have had that before, so far so good. Jellyfish looks like what you would expect it to look like…..I did taste it but it has little a grissly crunch to it like you are eating, well,……gristle. I had that look on my face like you get when you try to smile after eating something really gross…….you know one side of your lip goes up trying to smile and the other side is trying to pull it down…. the “Oh yes, this is good!” look while a shiver goes down your spine and your belly is trying to toss it out while yelling “What the H….did you just put in here?!” Smoked duck is good, and the fish was really good. The presentation was awesome. The whole fish in red sauce (not tomato, some kind of sweet sauce) with, I think scallops and shrimp mixed in. Just a note on seafood here; when you go into the restaurant and see the lovely fish tanks, they are not for decoration;………… it’s dinner……..they bring the flopping fish to the table in a bucket for the host to approve, shortly thereafter, flipper is on the table. Now that is fresh seafood! It is all done discretely, I never even noticed it this time, but I did watch for it at later meals and sure enough they did it. I guess it is not much different that picking a lobster out of a tank….. There were separate dishes with different kinds of mushrooms and shallots, sliced pork and all kinds of things. The dessert was a layered jello-type thing cut in chunks with red and pink layers, but it isn’t sweet. The pink layer is like a coconut or tofu layer. They really do not have sweets here. Of course, the guest of honor is offered the fish head……………. It is the best part, and that is the reason it is offered to the guest. While they gave me this information, they did not force it on me. Good thing…………while I am open to trying most anything, after almost 48 hours without sleep, I probably would have barfed it up on the table and then passed out.

Day 1 foods to remember: Octopus, Seaweed, Frogs Legs, and Jellyfish….tried them all and with the exception of the jellyfish, it wasn’t so bad. The only thing is that I am always surprised by bones in the food. The pieces served are small, but they don’t debone anything, so I have to constantly spit the bones out on the plate. Believe it or not, this is much easier to do with chopsticks than with American style utensils. Chopsticks give you the option of holding and eating the food without putting it all in your mouth at once. The bones can then be “sucked” clean of meat instead of sticking the whole piece in your mouth chewing it up and trying to spit out the offending structure.

I Really Want To Go To Bed! Shanghai Dairies

This is the 2nd post today, please go to the previous post before you read this............Ma

Just then, the official back from break beckoned me to come to his side. One hour and 35 minutes after arriving (forty-two minutes were spent in line), I was on my way to pick up my bag. Thankfully, I remembered the carousel that was announced for our pick up. A service person was taking the three remaining bags that were left from our flight off the conveyer. At least I didn’t have to wait. Everyone else was gone. (The other 2 bags probably belonged to No Visa Guy.) With nothing to declare, I zipped through customs and out to the area where I saw my name on a sign. Bags were popped into a car from the hotel and off I went.

I was amazed and a little disappointed to see how modern the highway away from the airport was. The airport was pretty modern too, and big. I remember when my family arrived in Greece in 1969. We walked off the plane into a big warehouse with long tables. That was the extent of the airport and customs. What a hoot. They did build an airport while I lived there, but it just wasn’t the same. The world has become small and has lost some of its natural wonder due to the “businification” (I just made that word up) of the world money-makers. Anyway, the highway was pretty modern, and I thought “My goodness, how we have Westernized the world. What a shame.” I guess it isn’t all bad, but I believe that heritage and culture are so important to preserve. I did see beyond the highway boundaries, however, what appeared to be large abandoned buildings, or buildings in need of repair. It seemed that the modern might have been obscuring a stark reality.

As we neared the city, what was a sunny, humid day began to disappear behind a wall of smog. I began to see building after building after building that reached straight up into the sky; hundreds of them, as far as you could see. Apartments? I saw laundry drying from every imaginable place. There can’t possibly be this many apartments. They are apartments…………..a lot of people live here……………….(17,000,000 I found out later)

Do we want to discuss driving? Never in a million years would I drive here, and I will drive anywhere……..but NEVER here. My company provides drivers for their employees when they get transferred here…….it is safer and cheaper……does that tell you anything? Let me just say this. The flight attendant from Philadelphia to London told me that the traffic lights have only been in Shanghai for about 5 years. People consider them a suggestion……….it’s true. I have never seen anything like this; thousands of bikes, mopeds, motorized bikes, pedestrians, taxis, making 4 lanes out of 2. Forget lanes---that would make a presumption of order and believe me there is not order. The cars come so close to each other that I can’t watch. People walk out in the street darting in and out between cars and bikes and other cars. The horns are constant. The streets and sidewalks teem with people; it is a raucous kaleidoscope of sounds and smells…………..It’s so cool. I get to the hotel where I am whisked away at the door by a greeter who takes me directly to my room. They were expecting me; I didn’t even have to check in at the desk. The room is really very nice, and the bathroom is exquisite (always one of my rating standards for a hotel). I have been traveling roughly 28 hours and awake (if you don’t count the poor quality of sleep on the plane) for about 40 hours. I want to rest…….I sat down on the bed………..ahhhhhhhhh………….I laid down on the bed……….ohhhhhhhhhhhh…………….I do not dare close my eyes…………..I did. Luckily, I only dozed for about 40 minutes. I forced myself up and decided that I really needed another shower before I had to go to the office. I am surprised that they had not called me already.

More to Come......

Are We There Yet? Shanghai Dairies Continued

Do you know how long an 11-hour flight is? Do you know that you can’t sleep for 11 hours on an airplane……(with 50 strangers, mostly men, side by side, etc…) no matter how tired you are? Do you know that you have no choice but to use the airplane bathroom? (Because the flight is 11 hours, but you are on the plane at least 12, not to mention the time waiting before getting on.) Did you know that no matter how nice the meals are (again very nice 3-course and breakfast too) you are just really annoyed at having to be in a space that is just not big enough? I have been on long flights overseas before, but this one just really never seemed to end. I ate, I slept, I watched a movie, and there was 9 hours left. I walked, I read, I watched another movie, and there was 7 1/2 hours left. The video screen was pretty cool; they had a map that showed the course the plan was on. I learned some geography. I watched it intermittently over the whole flight. We flew between 37000 feet and the highest was 39500 feet at one point. It gave air speed and tail wind and all kind of interesting things……Can you tell how bored I was? So I watched another movie, walked some more, (had to keep the blood flowing, don’t want a stroke.) and slept a little bit and there was still 4 hours to go. I was so excited when breakfast was ready to be served….I knew the time to land would be soon.

You know when you fly British Airways, even though we speak the same basic language, we still have a hard time understanding each other. I had to repeat myself every time the flight attendant asked me a question. I also wasn’t sure exactly what I was being asked at times. For breakfast they wanted to know if I wanted muesli or pancakes. I thought they said something that sounded more like mucous, but remembered it was a type of oatmeal or something, but because I wasn’t totally sure, and it sounded too much like something gross, I said pancakes, at least I knew what I might expect. Good choice. They were really like crepes with sweet apples in the middle. Yummy!

Landing! Landing! I can’t believe we are landing! I was so happy to be getting to where I was going. However, an announcement before we land. “We will be coming through the cabin spraying insecticide, this should not be bothersome. If you wear contacts or glasses, you may want to cover your eyes as we pass.” What????? This should not be bothersome???? You are going to spray poison in closed quarters and please, I shouldn’t worry about it? What is the Chinese government afraid we are going to bring in? Bol Weevils??? And they DID spray. She held 2 canisters above her head and walked through the plane all the way down one side and up the other! The she stopped to talk to someone while standing there spraying for at least 30 seconds. Another passenger finally said something and she moved on. I guess I am not too concerned about me, but if I were part of that flight crew that had to inhale insecticide every time I took that flight, I might have a problem. Man! I just realized…….it is now Tuesday morning 9:30 am. I left my house at 7 p.m. Sunday night.
My Chinese colleague that I was meeting had told me that November would be a good time to go to Shanghai because it would not be the horrible summer heat and humidity. Anyone who knows me knows that when it comes to heat and especially humidity, I am a great big baby. I don’t like it hot, and I really don’t like it humid. Sweat rolling down my back, soaking my hair, melting my face, and making me look like a giant brick of butter left out at a summer barbeque is not my idea of pleasant. So I expected it to be at least neutral. Well, there wasn’t a breath of air in this stark, bare cavernous airport. We walked a half-mile to get to the lines to check passports. (After we handed our official declaration of health to the official collecting them. Evidently, you have to say you are in good health when you arrive, or describe your symptoms if you are not. They just sprayed me with poison…..how could I know how I was now?) I picked one line and then changed to a shorter one. You know what that means don’t you? There is always a reason that a line is short when all others around it are long. The 2 persons checking passports were quite thorough. Each check took at least 2 minutes. I stood in line watching the digital clock tick off minute after minute feeling water roll down my back and feeling my face turn into a Picasso. No siree! No one was getting into this country without a thorough check at this line. In the meantime, 2 more flights have arrived and are now in lines that are passing me, but I refuse to budge. No changing midstream. I stood there from 1025 until 1105. There was now one person ahead of me. He was a kindly looking gent from the UK. A door opened to the far left and on the other side of the booths and out came the change of shift for the passport desks, or at least back-ups. They must have been on break. That one gentleman from the UK?….….Between me and my bags and freedom?……He had no visa. No visa!! What were you thinking? He kept saying “I didn’t’ t think I needed a visa!” One man…..between me…..and……my……ride …..to …..the …..hotel. I felt a little vein pop in my head.

I'm gonna make it just wait and see............

Shanghai Dairies Continued

I received the wonderful little travel pack with socks, sleeping mask, (how can anyone wear those? I don’t think I would be able to wear it and fall asleep because I would keep giggling to think how ridiculous I looked. If I did fall asleep, I would probably wake up tearing it off my face thinking I had been kidnapped or something), toothpaste, toothbrush, mouthwash, lip balm (great stuff), moisturizer lotion, etc. I also was offered pajamas. I took the pajamas, but didn’t use them. I don’t think they would have fit anyway. It was a lovely start to a very long trip. While I didn’t sleep like I do in my own bed, I did get rest on and off through the night. About 4 in the morning my time, going on 9 in the UK, I got up, went to the lavatory and used my travel pack to get myself feeling halfway decent. I was then given my 3-course breakfast, which was very good. I have found that over the years, airline food has improved greatly. Top-notch chefs create the menus and the food is actually pretty darn good considering they are served at 37,000 feet at 650 MPH.

Arrival in London was non-eventful. It was the first time I had been at Heathrow. It is really huge. The one thing I do want to comment on is the fact that we, in America, just don’t get it. Growing up as a military brat, and going to high school outside of the US made me get a feel for the community of the world. Living in another country gives you 3 things: an appreciation of home, an appreciation of other cultures, and an appreciation of the diversity AND oneness of the human race. Difference abounds, but we are far more alike than we are different. As I walked through the terminal, I drank in the humanity around me like a thirsty desert dweller. Indians, Hasidic Jews, Brits, Greeks, French, Arabs, Americans, Pakistani, Chinese, all tongues and colors were around me. I was awestruck by the world. It was great.

My first goal was to find the lounge and take a shower. I couldn’t wait. I had a little over 4 hours to kill and I couldn’t think of a better way to spend it than to take a shower and change my clothes before departing on an 11-hour flight. The shower suite was downstairs from the lounge. The suite also included a spa with wonderful smells emanating from the center. I thought about getting a massage, but let it go. The shower rooms were wonderful. New age music wafted through the speakers giving a relaxed feeling to the room. The shower was a steam and shower together with jets that sprayed from the wall as well as from above. Heaven. You could choose steam or not……I chose steam. That was probably a mistake on my part. It made me so hot that my face turned all red and I couldn’t cool down even when I ran cooler water. Anyway, I took my time and enjoyed the shower and good lotions and soaps that were available. Dried my hair (blow dryers on the wall…everyone has those available now. I remember in the late 60’s early 70’s having a blow dryer was practically a sign of wealth!), put on a new face, clean change of clothes, and I felt really great.

Going up to the lounge, I thought I would pull out the laptop and do my first installment for here. There was one problem. The lounge was SO crowded I could barely find an open space. Again, business class and first class lounges were separate, and so many people fly business class that it’s not quiet and comfortable like the Admirals Clubs in the states. As I was walking through, I noticed tucked in the back a room with SANCTUARY stenciled on the door. Oh yeah, just what I wanted. The room was small, but low lights, couches, recliners, and screens made it a haven for the weary. I wanted to find the corner, but a little family was back there resting. I moved from one seat to another further back against the wall. When the family left, I took the divan in the corner. A few Muslims came in to pray. It brought back a memory of when I flew to Greece with my family when I was 14. On the way to Athens, a man came out of his seat into the aisle of the plane, spread his prayer rug, and began to bow and pray. I had never seen anything like that. It fascinated me. I grew up a Southern Baptist…..that is another story.

Anyway, I pulled out the laptop and wrote a couple of paragraphs, but I was beginning to feel tired again. When my fingers refused to type any longer, I let it go.

More to come......

Where's Waldo's Mom? Shanghai Dairies Part I

I have limited time on the net, so I have to post when I can. This is the first in the series......

Day 1; or Day 1 ½ I guess. How come I always let everything go until the last minute? I ran around Sunday making myself crazy because I had not packed for my trip. I am going to be gone for 3 weeks; you would think that I would know better. It always comes down to doing the laundry. No matter what I buy, I always end up wearing the same 3 things, and they are always in the laundry. Course, 3 things won’t last me for 3 weeks, but I can arrange them in an infinite number of ways. However, I did pack a pretty tight suitcase with probably more stuff that I need. I brought 2 carry ons and checked the clothes. The carry ons have all of the “other stuff” books, movies, DVDs, headphones, a change of clothes (just in case!) toiletries, stuff from my purse (can’t carry a purse AND 2 carry ons, the purse counts as one…..please! I know the tricks), medicines, a snack, and so on. I didn’t bring DVDs, headphones and the DVD player this time. I get my own personal DVD on the plane and can pick from whatever movies I want, plus, I couldn’t plug it in in Shanghai without a transformer which I am sure they have, but now Lindsey has it for the trip to Kokomo.

So the car to take me to the airport was to come at 7:00 p.m. and at 6:00 p.m. I was ready to go. I felt like I was going away forever; I got goodbye visits from my Mom-in-law, Lucille, my sister-in-law, Sarah, Stacie, Charlie, and Nathan, Lindsey was not doing too well, she hates to be left alone with her brother and father who don’t do much more than grunt at her while watching Comcast Sports, ESPN, football, etc. She needs to go see her grandmom.

So I get to the airport and check in, thinking I was in the international terminal……I was flying British Airways to Heathrow…….but when I went up the escalator, I was in my good ‘ole American Airlines terminal. I forget they had built that connector, and BA is right next door to Terminal A; BA partners with AA. Little did I know that there was a first class lounge and business class lounge down the terminal and down the elevator to the bowels of the building! I thought I knew that terminal better than that! Since it is an overnight flight, I was told I should eat my dinner before getting on the plane. They served dinner down there in the basement dining area. It was OK. I’ve had better. Then I go to the lounge with fellow business travelers (We can’t go to the first class lounge…we’re just grunts, not VIPs traveling first class.) They were watching West Wing where they were having a live “fake” presidential debate between Alan Alda and Jimmy Smits. I could tell immediately that I was among fellow pharma employees when we all began to make smart remarks when they began debating “the high price of drugs…how awful we are etc…). Come to find out there was a large group of GSKers going to the UK. Anyway, some guy from the group grabs the remote and changes the TV to the Eagles/Redskins game. YEAH! I was so excited! I got up and moved to the chair closest to the TV. Unfortunately, we had to board right at halftime when the score was 10 to 7. I still don’t know what the final was. I go around the corner and there was one of the docs that I work with. I found out later he was going to Copenhagen. He wanted to know why I was going to Shanghai via London…..

So I get up to the gate and when I got there, they took my boarding pass and started looking at the computer. I thought, Oh no, what’s wrong? Ta Da! I got an upgrade to first class. Now that is a nice start to a long trip! The only reason I can think that I may have gotten the upgrade is because I am a FF on AA and like I mentioned before, BA & AA partner. Of the 14 first class seats, there were only two of us.

Now, the seats in business class have the fully reclinable seats so you can sleep, but it feels like you are in a commune because there are so many people in business class. (Know how fun it is to sleep with 50 strangers around you? Mostly men who snore? And smell? Persons with gas, in very close proximity on planes, is torture. Come on…..everyone knows you have gas in the morning!)

So….in my first class seat that is also fully reclinable I was pretty comfortable. These seats are more like pods, and a little more private that business class. We really got wonderful service too. I got to choose a 3-course meal that they would serve me at anytime (which was good, because I really didn’t eat much at the airport cause the food was just not that good).

To be continued.......................

No need to reply...

OK, it's been over a month and not single peep from me. I guess there is no need to have earth shaking things to report in order to blog a note here and there. Frankly, I have been just too stressed and busy to do what I really want to do, and that includes blogging. So if I still have my 1 or 2 readers out there, I am back!

Coming up....."PET PEEVE" for the day. Admit it, you all know these people. The "Reply to all" people. What is their problem? I just don't get it. Someone sends out an email to a huge distribution list, OK, that's very efficient. Then you start getting the replies.........Then the replies to the replies.........Then angry people who think they are very intelligent begin sending indignant replies to the entire distribution list saying please do not reply to all you idiots! (While they are replying to all) THEN you get the answer from the originator of the email saying .......please reply only to me, do not reply to all. When you reply to all, everyone on the list gets your response. Of course that sets off another course of replies. You know, things like"I'm sorry that I replied to all" which in turn makes the angry intelligent people come back with a reply to all that is something like "PLEASE STOP REPLYING TO ALL YOU ARE BACKING UP MY EMAIL BOX!" (While they are replying to all). Of course you get the ones that are clueless. They respond to all with something like this............"I keep getting these emails to......... (whatever the original email wanted).........I don't think I am supposed to be getting these emails. Am I in charge of this? I don't think I am. I think these are being sent to me in error. Why am I getting these?" EARTH TO IDIOT!

We had one chain of email events at our office one day that if I were to say "Rolf's Replies" today, everyone would crack up laughing. Since our company is global, sometimes our distribution lists go to thousands of people around the world. This one guy in Sweden was so confused by the original email and then the replies to all that you could literally follow his initial confusion to his utter terror at being bombarded by email.

The problem was this.........He got the original email.....he replied to all "Why did I get this?"...then he began to get other "reply to all" messages from other people........He began to answer each person that replied to all with another reply to all question "Why are you sending this to me?".......it began to roll way out of control because he then began to get the replies from the angry intelligent people that were directed at him. You can really tell when an intelligent person is totally stressed when they reply to all with this type of message....."STOP STOP STOP!!!PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO ALL!!! THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS!!! IF YOU DON'T STOP I AM GOING TO SEND SOMEONE TO KILL YOU!!!" I would say that that is a Type A person.....I have a simple solution for you angry intelligent persons......DELETE.

It's not like we haven't had email around for enough time that this is a new-fangled idea. It seems to me that it is a basic (very basic) piece of knowledge. I have never thought I was an overly complex or intelligent individual (for you Shawn), but I do understand the difference between "reply" and "reply to all". Somehow, I am certain that Bill Gates would find this extremely funny. He knew what would happen when he decided to make "Reply to all" an option.

Booooorrrrrrrrring!!

Is my life so boring that I can't think of one single thing to talk about? The most exciting thing happening to me these days is the fact that the new fall season has started on TV.............I don't like television that much. Well, that isn't really true. I like television, but I feel like such a lump when I watch it. There are things to be done, letters to be written, homework to be done, people to talk to, crafts to be crafted, bills to pay, books to read, housework to be done, clothes to wash.........and I sit watching a rerun of Seinfeld that I have seen 25,000 times, mouth open ready to repeat the script word for word and laugh at the same lines I have laughed at 25,000 times before. I then wake up for work in the morning and find I have no clean underwear because I haven't done the wash for 2 weeks. Yeesh...........I should be exercising, cleaning, volunteering for Katrina relief, babysitting my grandsons, creating a family history, scrapbooking the 35 years of photographs I have, and trying to get ahead at work (don't get me started there, I am in over my head)......I just don't feel like it........Maybe it will pass...........Oh , Oh , Oh, the season premiere of "Lost" is on!! Later.........

Are You Ready For Some Football?

There was a game on last Thursday. It was the first of the season. Today, however, it begins in earnest. FOOTBALL SEASON!

Believe it or not, there are a lot of women that love football too. Now don't sick all of the women's organizations on me for my next comment, please. I love football because "my boys" love football. The sweetheart of my youth, middle age, and beyond has made me a football fan over the years. (Although I still have not made him a fan of shopping.) Watching my 2 boys and my husband take in football together is a lot of fun. Because these men in my life are so adverse to showing their softer side, I get the positive reinforcement I need that they are indeed close to one another during football season. They are more animated during football than at any other time of the year. My youngest son mostly grunts when I ask him anything, but before a football game he can't shutup. He actually knows a lot of words and can put them together coherently! My oldest son doesn't live close to home now, but last year, he flew home for the Superbowl (we bleed Eagles green, and last year gave us such a high) because watching without benefit of fellow blood Eagles fans just doesn't cut it. He calls during games to talk to his dad and his brother and when a great play happens or a horrific play happens, I can guarantee the ringing of the phone will not be far behind.

One comment here, my daughter-in-law is unbelievable. She delivered my first grandchild on January 1st of 2005. She needed gall bladder surgery in February, but postponed it so he could come home for that Superbowl. Way to go Jessica! She gets it. (And I don't mean football!)

I am not a football widow, I am a football fan. I have to be........it's a family rule. Even my oldest daughter converted her husband to Eagles football. He wasn't much of a sports fan because his dad wasn't, but now he watches too.

I can't spout all of the statistics, or make the picks like everybody else can, but I do understand the game. (It is a game after all, I can understand most games. My youngest son would like to ban me and any other female who thinks they know football from making any comments, however. Raspberry to him! ) I understand who has been good and who has been bad over the past 25 or so years. (Maybe I could make a few picks after all.) We haven't always been so good......but our time is here now. We have the best coach to ever lead an Eagles team. (Although I always like Dick Vermeil)

So break out the Doritos, the buffalo wings, the chips, the dip, the soda, ( sorry, all those beer commercials are lost on us), change the big screen to high-def so we can see the pores on the nose of the cornerback, and let's do some serious armchair quarterbacking.

E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!!

Soapbox Time!

I have been in mourning long enough. It is time to get back to blogging. The hard part about this is what I try to do here is have a little fun and try to make a few people smile. With all of the tragedy in LA and MS after Katrina, it is hard to get light hearted about anything. So just let me get up on my soapbox for the next few minutes and get these thoughts off my chest.

I am disappointed...and a little embarrassed.....that the world has to see us infighting so much. This is a time to come together as a nation......not point fingers of blame. The mayor of New Orleans wants to blame the federal government and especially President Bush for not getting to the city on time, for not getting food to the city, for not getting transportation out of the city, for wasting time. My question is: As Mayor of a city that resides below sea level, (I am sure you knew that before the storm!) why did you not offer your citizens who were too poor, too sick, too young, too old to get out on their own, an opportunity to get out? Could you not have asked for transportation? Could you not have asked for your own National Guard to help? (Yes folks, the National Guard is a program that can be activated by the local authorities) Did the storm take you by surprise, or did you know several days in advance that you might get flattened? When you called for evacuation, did you consider all of those who might not have the ability to go? Are they not under your local care?

The democrats are so happy that they have something to criticize Bush with that they are about ready to pee there pants. C'mon guys let get perspective here. Drop the attack and get on board the help train. I wanna see Trent Lott and Ted Kennedy working side by side down there cleaning up! (Well, they might not be in the best health for that, but you get my drift.) Do you realize that it makes the rest of the world nervous when we get out of whack? Please, let us put on the face that shows the land of the free and the home of the brave. That is what we are....... in spite of political battling..........And please don't play the race card for me. I just want to blow a gasket. When members of the congressional black caucus get up and say on TV that they are ashamed of America and ashamed of the government because they believe we do not care what happens to these victims because they are black, I just want to explode. It's one thing to criticize the government, but I say to you, how dare you criticize the people of your own nation......people who are opening there wallets and giving of their time and talents to assist all of the victims. How dare you......I am going to help in spite of your mean natured comments, because it isn't about you....or me.

It doesn't really matter who you want to blame now, its done.....it's tragic....we all need to pray for those who have been devastated by this and dip into our pocketbooks to donate cash. We also need to dip into our hearts and think about what we can do, no matter how little, to help our brothers and sisters out there. What I believe is that the vast majority of our nation is not wasting time pointing fingers, but are trying to do what they can to help, with money, donations, talents, and time. Let's forget about the stupid politics of it all and learn a lesson here. If we are not prepared for these kind of things, how do we get prepared? What can we put into place after this tragedy to prevent it from happening again? (Because believe me, this will not be the last time here or abroad that we have disaster....we are living in the last day my friends. Don't get all freaky on me, I am not looking toward heaven for a chariot of fire yet.) We have ways to respond, how can they be better? What are you doing in your family to be ready for a disaster? Do you have a plan? We need to take responsibility for ourselves as well, and not expect for the government to be there waiting with open arms. They will help, but we are talking human beings here, they are not perfect. At least be ready to keep yourselves sustained for a short while. (72 hour kits, guys)

No matter what you feel about what happened or how the response should have been, the fact remains that we have thousands that need our help now. You can do something...anything, open your doors, send a canned good, give a dollar, better yet give a lot of dollars if you can, just do it, you'll feel better....... and someone else will be better too.

Goodbye Buddy

I think if you asked any person on the street the question "What constitutes a happy life?" They would probably answer with a combination of things like money, a nice house, good kids, having a good marriage etc. I think that if you asked the question "Do you think that loving, being loved, and feeling loved is the most important thing in life to make us happy?" that the overwhelming answer would be yes......If that is the case, I can say that Ed had a happy life. It's ironic that just 2 weeks ago I posted about my Ed and how he had surgery to remove a growth under his eyelid. He was the picture of health. He was the picture of health Sunday night. Monday morning, however, Ed was acutely ill. It all happened so quickly. His big sweet heart just developed a problem that couldn't be fixed. As the day progressed and the hopes of restoring Ed to his former healthy self became less and less possible, I had to face the reality that Eddie would be leaving us and I had to make "The Decision". Would I take heroic measures that would probably not extend his life to a great extent, or would I let him go peacefully and painlessly? Hoping I had made the right decision, I chose the latter. I held his head in my lap has he took his last breath. I wanted to be there with him and let him know that he didn't have to be afraid and that someone who loved him was there at the end.

Ed was a devoted friend. He loved hugs around his big hairy neck. He loved the snow. He loved to eat. (Isn't if funny, I love those things too!) He loved to be brushed and scratched on the behind. He was afraid of thunderstorms and tried to hide under things that were too small for his great big body. Just last week I heaved him up on my bed during the middle of the night so I could put my arm around him and assure him that the thunder was not going to hurt him. He stayed until it was all over and then jumped down to do his job of protecting the household. (Even though he was always a big chicken!) He loved children and especially liked them when they were eye level, or licking level to him. He loved to go for rides and was first to the door when asked if he wanted to go. When he was young he could do this amazing vertical leap over couches and chairs and he loved to play "footsie", putting his feet on top of yours and then you putting yours on top of his, and then his on top of yours at a frantic pace until he would get so excited he would take off and "do a lap" around the house. He probably was the most gentle dog I have ever owned (and I have owned a few). We had a Yorkshire Terrier at one time and that little stinker would grab onto the hair of Eddie's neck and just hang there growling and shaking his head. Ed would look at me with this pleading look as if to say "Can you get this off, please?" He usually didn't get into the trash, but sometimes he couldn't resist if it was something he thought would be good. The funny thing was that he didn't hide the fact that he was getting into the trash. He would pick up whatever treasure it was and carry it tentatively into the room where the family was doing what families do and look around like, "Is it OK if I have this?". I'll never forget him carrying in a great big watermelon rind. It looked like he was carrying a giant smile. It was almost as funny as the time he got the trash lid caught around his neck and he raced to the bathroom to hide. He was sheepishly looking at us like "I really don't know how this got caught on my neck.......really"

There are many who say "It's a dog for cryin out loud." I would venture to say that they have never had the distinct pleasure of owning and loving a dog. I know that there are real tragedies in the world. I know that there are vitally important things to do for the safety and well-being of mankind. I know there are things that are much more important than a dog. However, Ed loved me unconditionally; that meant a lot to me. He never expected more than a pat on the head and a bowl of food in the mornings. I hope I did the right thing for him. Eddie was faithful and true and lived to the measure of his creation.......I should be so lucky as to have someone say that about me at the end of my days.

I hope you are doing vertical leaps on the other side Ed.........I am going to miss you, buddy.

Quick, can you teach me Chinese?

I love my job. I really do. Really......... However, sometimes, when people make decisions that affect me, I just cringe. Sometimes I get that deer in the headlights look, or the who? me? look.

I am supposed to go to China and Taiwan in the next couple of months. I am looking forward to the experience. I have always loved to travel, although when I travel for work, I tend to just work, work, work, sleep, work some more and then go home. The good thing about these trips was the fact that I was taking a colleague of Chinese descent. I was very happy that she was going so she could give me the ins and outs of communicating and maybe show me a few interesting spots, not to mention, I don't speak Chinese......at all.....ever......never.

I found out today that she will probably not be allowed to go due to the fact that it may not be critical for her to go and budgets are tight (not unusual in these fuel expensive days). It was said that I knew my job quite well and there was every confidence that I would do just fine by myself.

Am I being a baby, or is it OK for me to feel like.... BY MYSELF!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING!!!???? NOOOOOOO!!!

Here I am, this giant Caucasian woman going where I can't read the road signs. Who knows where I could end up? No one will be there to tell me what to eat.....or, more importantly, what not to eat. No one to tell me "Please shut-up you have offended everyone in the entire room." and then apologize for my ignorance. No one to take pictures with me in them. (I went to Paris and only got a couple of pictures with me in them, I found an American couple to help me out.) And how do I figure the money? Will I pay $3,000 for a taxi on my American Express and not know until I come home? I don't think the company will reimburse for stupidity.

The biggest problem here is that my company has confidence in me.........ME.........I have faked everybody out. I just know all of the abilities they think I have are really non-existent. I am a phoney, a fake, a fraud!! They are going to ask that 15 years of salary be returned due to my total lack of knowledge. I don't have it.

I guess I will have to have my affairs in order before I go........I may disappear and never resurface......Maybe Chad Lewis is free??? (If I have to explain that one, never mind)

No More Death Breath!

This is my dog Ed. I love Ed. As you can see, he is pretty good size. His top weight was around 135 pounds, but he is down to about 109 now. Ed will be 11 years old this year. I took Ed to the vet last week because he had a tumor on his eye. Well, it was under his eyelid, but it began to grow out. The vet said it had to come out, so on Friday he went to have surgery. The vet said he would clean his teeth too. I had wanted to get that done for a long time cause Ed has Death Breath. I mean when he pants, he could clear a room. I just thought that dogs had nasty breath because they sometimes ate nasty things. Just so you know, dogs can have Death Breath because they have a bad tooth. (WARNING! WARNING! GROSS STUFF AHEAD!)My poor Ed had a hole in the gum by his back molar that had become necrotic and filled with.........well, suffice it to say it was bad. The roots of his tooth were exposed and he had a pus pocket along his jowl. (I am sure this was the source of the said Death Breath)The vet took pictures and showed them to me. (Those of you that know me will know that I found that cool. Somebody has to like doing this kind of stuff, or we would all walk around with yucky things on us and our pets!) Anyway, the eye is fixed, the teeth are fixed, and Ed is like new. No more pushing him away when he looks up at me with those big brown eyes and then belches. Thats a sign of love from a dog you know! The vet said he had the blood work of a 2 year old, which makes me happy. I hope Eddie is around for a while to come. Just don't ask me what all this cost...I still wince a little. But look at my big baby! It was worth it.

What's In A Name?

I need some stress relief. I have had way to much to do lately. For some reason, coming here and doing a post takes my mind off of the things I should be doing. I am not sure if that is good or not. Probably not, since it is taking me away from the things I should be doing. Procrastination is one of my strong points......I need to talk about that another day.

Anyway, I was reading over my posts, and I saw that I use the word 'moron' a lot. That is not particularly nice. Although, if the shoe fits..........Well, I decided that I should be nicer; but then I got to thinking about the word moron. If my memory is correct, words like moron, idiot,and imbecile were once psychiatric terms that described an IQ level or a level of mental disability. If you were a moron, you were mildly disabled, if you were an imbecile, you took it up a notch, and if you were an idiot, you were profoundly disabled. So, really if I call you a moron, I am only saying you are mildly stupid! It's not like I am calling you an idiot! If you look these words up in the dictionary, it says they don't use them clinically anymore because they are considered an insult these days.

So, if it was around 1900 and I called you a moron it would be a medical term. Can you just imagine?..................."Mr. Jones, I have to advise you that after our testing, we have found that you are a moron, which is not as bad as an imbecile and far better than an idiot! So cheer up and have a wonderful day!"

Did you know that "numbskull" is in the dictionary? You can spell it "numbskull" or "numskull". I would have to say that "numbskull" is more appropriate. You know, indicating that your head is numb and all. The definition is.....n. a stupid person. Couldn't that also be an adjective? Let's see, person place or thing as a noun....Descriptor as an adjective..."He is a numbskull!" I am trying to bring up my sentence diagramming skills from elementary school.....You know, they don't do that any more. I always liked diagramming sentences, it was fun.

Going on with the name thing, if I were stupid, and I looked it up in the dictionary to find out what it meant, would I understand it? And did you know that 'stupidness' is a word??!! It is right in the dictionary and is a noun. So now I can say "His stupidness was unbelievable!" and be right!

But I digress. The whole point was I am going to try to be nicer. I don't ever call people names to their face because it isn't nice. So I will try not to do it in my mind or on my posts....How does 'dumb' strike you?

Out Of Control

That's my youngest daughter's latest catch phrase. Everything and everybody that she finds annoying or unbelievable is "out of control!" That includes me, of course, I am often 'out of control' in her eyes. However, I must say that the stories she has brought home from her job of about 9 months definitely fit the description. She is in retail. We all know that working with the public puts you in contact with some mighty strange characters. I won't mention the store, I don't need any lawsuits, but she works in one of those stores that sells "pretty stuff" that women like to buy. Here I now give you my first list of "you gotta be kidding me!" stories. I am sure that more will come in the future; stupid and annoying and nervy people are never in short supply.

#5.) A woman comes in to return a fitted sheet. No receipt, no tag to even prove it came from the store, just a torn sheet and bringing her mother along with her.

Customer:I bought this sheet a year ago, and it has a rip. I don't understand why it would rip after only a year!

Customer's mother: I have sheets that are 35 years old and they haven't ripped!

Lindsey, staring blankly, "Let me call the manager." (Translation :"I can't handle this.")

Manager: I am sorry but you can't return the sheet after a year with no receipt. We don't even know if it came from this store (I am sure she wanted to add 'you moron you' at the end of that sentence)

The argument goes on for 20 minutes. The mother is appalled that a sheet would rip after only one year after HER sheets have lasted 35 years. I have some old stuff in my house, and probably some sheets that are 30 years old, but I don't think I would bring that up. It just kind of grosses me out. The store won on this one, no return allowed.

#4.) The police are called to the shopping center because a young woman has had her car stolen. Police arrive, start writing a stolen car report and the girl spots her car. OOPS!, Sorry officer, I just forgot where I parked my car..............That girl has a drivers license??

#3.) Woman comes in to return a very expensive bedset ($400 expensive enough for you?)

Customer: "I want to return this, it's faded. I took it to the dry cleaners, but it still faded."

(You know those little material balls that appear on your pillow? They were all over these pillows)

Lindsey: "Do you have a receipt?"

Customer "Oh yes, I just want to pick out a whole new set to replace this one!"

About an HOUR later the woman appears at the check-out with her new expensive bedset. The exchange rate was not exactly equal so she kept asking 'How much do I have left?' and then she would run off to get this or that doo dad to make up the difference. All free of course, because she just wanted an even exchange, you know. (Blink, Blink go my innocent eyes)

Now for the receipt................It's dated September 2004. She has had this bed set for 10 months!! But of course, that is not all. On the same receipt is the evidence of another return. Seems that last September she returned a very expensive bedset that she had had for almost a year and made an even exchange for the bedset she is now returning 10 months later. What kind of racket is that? She has figured a way to redecorate her bedroom every year without spending a dime. "Gee, and if I can find a good one on sale, I can get some doo dads to go with it!" Now that is nerve. BTW, she was able to do this without any questions.

#2.) OK, the theme seems to center around what some people have the nerve to return. Here's one for you. Customer comes in and wants to return a foot spa. You know, you fill it up with water and then it does wonderful things for your feet? Now correct me if I am wrong, but I don't usually buy anything if a box is open unless I really want it and it's the last one. However, I surely will look through the box if it is damaged or opened to make sure everything is there. I make the assumption that this box was intact when the customer bought it. So, a foot spa, the customer believes that it has been used and it is missing a piece or two. Customer wants a direct exchange.......no problem, the store is there to please their customers. Customer brings new product to checkout, this receipt is only about a week old, cashier (Lindsey) opens the returned foot spa in front of the customer. The box is wet.....the plastic wrapped around the spa is wet......the spa is wet........Cashier and customer make eye contact.........customer has a poker face.......Cashier sighs, puts the wet spa back into the box and says "You're good to go..." you moron you....Now I say to you, was this a cruel joke at the foot spa factory where Joe and Buddy decide it would be hilarious if they got everything wet before they packaged this foot spa? No, wait, wouldn't be able to enjoy that in person...AT LEAST DRY IT OFF BEFORE YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO RETURN IT!

#1.) Not all people are clever enough, like those above, to think of ideas on how to steal without admitting they are actually stealing. Some people are quite direct about what they believe they should have for free. Take this case that I place at #1....Very large man comes into the store early one morning. Early is good, before everyone is alert enough to do much more than stare at your audaciousness (sp? or is that a word?) Anyway, he is large enough to be intimidating to the women that run a "pretty stuff" store. Walks directly to one of the most expensive items in the store, a Dyson vacuum cleaner (I love mine!) picks it up and heads toward the checkout. The cashier, (not Lindsey) says: "I can take you right here." He says, "Oh, right here?" and points to the counter, but continues to walk directly out of the store to a waiting jeep that sits in front of the store where his lovely accomplice waits. He loads the vacuum into the Jeep, gets behind the wheel of the car, and drives off, extending his arm out of the window and giving the middle finger salute to all in the store. What more can I add to that? Everyone just kind of looked at each other. They didn't even call the police, what's the point?

But......I have a bonus one here. Lindsey's personal favorite, and mine too, I must say.

Woman buys a candy bar. Leaves the store. Comes back later with half a candy bar. "I don't like this candy bar. I want to return it and get my money back." You'll be happy to know that that one didn't get a refund.

Compassion Is My Life

I am a nurse. I love nursing; although I don't do it full time. My full time work is in clinical research at a (gasp! choke!) pharmaceutical company. Yes, I belong to the evil empire, the "big drug company" as the media like to descibe us. It's much easier to hate something that doesn't have an identity you know. Maybe I will post on that another time, but for now, it is my other job on which I will go into a diatribe.

So what is nursing all about? Some still like to think of us as those young women in white, including the cap, that float tirelessly from patient to patient giving back rubs and tending their wounds until they are well.................well......no, it's not. First of all, the average age these days is 45. Unless you want dogs that kill you, a back that feels like it is breaking, and people that feel that you are there to wait on them hand and foot, nursing is not a career path for you. OK that is a bit harsh, but I just finished a 16 hour shift.....Secondly, the nursing cap has gone the way of the buggy whip. With so many men in the field these days, they would look a little funny with the cap anyway.
Most nurses are sleep deprived, (shift work will do that to you) not sure what day it is, (shift work will do that to you), can eat any type of food at any time of day (shift work will do that to you), and can be distracted trying to remember if everything was done before they left their shift. Did I mention the shift work? It isn't uncommon to get a call or make a call to the nurse that just relieved you or you just relieved telling them something that was important, or making sure something was done that you were pretty sure you did but can't remember.

There are rewards. The money can be good, but if you are getting into the field for the money.....please don't. Patients like to talk to us. They tell us things they won't tell the doctor. We want to listen, but one of our biggest complaints is that we don't always have the time to do that. When someone goes home better than when they came in, that makes us happy, especially if we helped that through the long nights. When someone doesn't make it, we are there to cry with those who are left. We encourage all kinds of bodily functions and noises that would be rude outside the walls of the unit. Some times we even clap and cheer for those functions and noises. Some really funny things happen, some really gross things happen, (just a hint...always wear gloves before you plunge your hand under a patient) some really sad things happen. We get to peek into the lives of others and enrich ourselves along the way. Do I get tired of telling the same gentleman to please put down his gown, his privates aren't going to go anywhere? Sometimes. Do I get tired of the 25th request for ice while I am running down the hall to someone that can't get their breath? Sometimes. Do I get tired of the "I pay your salary, you need to come when I call!" Definitely. I don't do it full time...bless those that do. It's now Friday again, my job for the week is over...I have a double shift tomorrow. I'm pretty sure some more stuff will happen during that time

Some of My Favorite Movie Lines

Just for fun....Here are some of my favorite movie lines. Can you name the movie, characters, and/or situation surrounding the line? (This should be a cake walk for you movie guys! Most are too famous to get wrong, but the key is they are some of my favorites.) One is actually from a television show. Can you name it?

In no particular order:

"What we have heah (here) is failure to communicate."

"Arugala, it's a veg-i-ta-ble!"

"He did not choose wisely."

"We're gonna need a bigger boat."

"You can't handle the truth!!"

"Dying' ain't much of a livin', boy."

"The yoots? What is a yoot?"

"Badges?We don't need no stinkin' badges!"

"Hello, My name is Talking Tina, and I am going to kill you"

"The shoes, right? The shoes are tragic."

"This was no boating accident!"

"I have green sandwiches and brown sandwiches.....It's either very new cheese or very old meat."

"I have one word for you... 'Plastics!'"

This is Technology II???

OK, My telephone is STILL not working. I did what they told me to do. I called the number for repairs. Another Voice-O-Matic wanted all of my vital statistics. Another wait. Another very nice repair type guy got on the phone. Please repeat your vital statisitcs. Here is the converstation:

Him: What is the telephone number that is having the problem?
Me: xxx-xxx-xxxx
Him: Are you calling from that number now?
Me:?????????(I had to take the phone away from my ear and just look at it)
Me: (Politely) No, my phone is not working, there is no dial tone, and I cannot use it. (I can't imagine what would be wrong with a phone I can use to call the repair guy with.)
Him: Do you have any cordless phones?
Me: Yes, 3.
Him: Did you check to see if they are all turned off or hung up?
Me: No, I have the IQ of a handball. (I didn't really say that of course)
Me: Yes.
Him: Sounds like you need to reset your phone.
Me: OK, how do I do that?
Him: Unplug all of the phones from the jacks in the wall, let them sit for 5 minutes, and then plug the corded phone in first and see if you have a dial tone then you can plug in the other phones. Do you have an answering machine?
Me: Yes.
Him: Unplug that from the wall too.
Me: Do I have to unplug them from the wall jacks or can I just unplug the jack from the phone?
Him: No, you have to unplug the phones from the wall jacks.
Me: SIGH
Him: Oh, there is a test box outside that has test jacks that you can plug a phone into to see if it is the phone line that is not working. You can test your line there too; but try the reset.
Me:OK
Him: If the reset doesn't work, call us back and we will take it from there.

Can you see where this is going???

Me:OK

Now, I ask you....what would be the smart thing to do here? If I really didn't have the IQ of a handball, I probably would have gone straight to the test box and ruled that out first. Right? Oh no, not I. You see, I have a history of being obedient to the forces that appear to have more authority or knowledge than me. (I still struggle with that and am trying to question authority more....because it is my firm belief that most people are not all they claim to be. I am getting better, but you would never know it from this move. Pretty sad for a woman over 50.)

Anyway, there are 3 cordless phones and 2 corded phones for this number. Did you know that the wall jacks are all behind or under something else? The worst is in my office. I have a dual jack that plugs in 2 different numbers behind my desk that weighs approximately 1000 pounds.
I WILL get to it. So I got on top of the desk and reached behind it (the jack is smack in the middle of the wall behnd the desk) knocking over modems, speakers, clocks, papers, and falling into the computer monitor in the process. I did get it unplugged. Guess what? It didn't work. Now I had to plug it back in. Here was the conversation with my youngest son(19).

Me: Brent! Can you come here a minute?
Him: What?
Me: Can you get behind here and plug this back in?
Him: Mom! why didn't you just ask me to help you?
Me: 'Cause I can do it.
Him: No you can't. Here, let me do it.

Now he is kneeling on the desk reaching behind the desk, but not knocking over all of the things I knocked over, or falling into the monitor.

Him: Which one goes in which outlet?
Me: mmmmmmmm....The top one? (Handball moment)

Now he has plugged them in, but of course, the lines were reversed and he had to get back on the desk again and switch the lines.

In the meantime, my lifelong sweetheart has gone out to the test box and determined that the line is bad by testing the line in the phone jack there.

Now to call back the repair guy.

Call, Voice-O-Matic, life history, repair guy, life history

Him: The phone didn't work when you plugged it into the test box jack?
Me: No.
Him: Well, I will write up a repair order and send someone out tomorrow. He will be out sometime between 8 a.m. and 7 p.m. Will someone be there in case he needs to get into the house?
Me:(%*&#zk&)....Your guess is as good as mine.

Between 8 a.m. and 7 p.m.??????

Take a guess what time he showed up.... 6:55 p.m. He plugged his test phone into the test box and the line didn't work. He said: "The line is bad."

Is this for real?

They are going to send someone out tomorow to fix it.

My phone still doesn't work.

This is technology???

So, my telephone stopped working this morning. All you get when you call is a busy signal. This should make me happy since no one can call me and I hate to talk on the phone anyway, because I can never think of anything to say, and none of my friends call me anyway because I must be terribly boring because I can never think of anything to say............that's true. Obviously, I am much better talking to myself.

Anyway, I had to get it fixed. How do you get the phone fixed, you say.? Why, you call the phone company of course!! The problem with that is ever since Ma Bell was broken up because we thought she was a monopoly, (You young'uns don't remember this I am sure, but there was a time that there was only one supplier of telephone service: Bell Telephone. We could blame everything on them. They took it well and fixed our service when it was down. It worked quite nicely. One bill, one service, no complications. We didn't even own the phones! And they NEVER broke! You could throw those babies against a wall!) it has become more and more confusing as to who does what to whom. I have 2 telephone lines into my home. I also have a telephone line in PA that rings into one of my Delaware numbers. I also have 5 cell phones. (Why?) These services are billed to me by Verizon, Cingular, Nextel, and MCI...........I called AT&T to get my telephone line fixed. Wasn't Verizon and AT&T the same at one time? Didn't AT&T merge with Cingular? Doesn't that make them all the same company? So I called. I was told by an automated voice to please give my name, telephone number with area code, address, age, yearly income, number of dependents and do I want to continue in Spanish.....The Voice-O-Matic then told me I would have a 7 minute waiting period until I could speak to a representative. Seven full minutes with elevator music and a repetative message every 30 seconds telling me how much my call meant to them and please don't hang up because if you do, you go to the back of the line. All the while, I knew that when I finally got to speak to a representative that I would have the wrong number...and I did. When my friendly representatve came on the line I had to repeat to her the same information I had already given to Voice-O-Matic. Why in the world do we have to repeat the same things over and over and over? You cannot convince me that there is no way to transfer information that you have already spoken into the system to the person handling your call. Of course the words came that I knew would come, "I am sorry, we don't handle your service; it says here that you have Verizon local services." How can they know that, but I don't?
I was polite.
Me:"Can you give me a number that I can call?
Them: "I don't think so."
Me: "You have no idea of who I can call?"
Them: "No, Do you have a recent bill?"
Me: "Not at hand."
Them:"I would be glad to open an account with you for your services now. We can give you a good bundled package."
Me: "Huh? No, I just want my phone fixed."
Them: "Are you sure? We have a good package that includes.....(I stopped listening)
Me: (Still polite with an edge) "No thank you, I just want to get my phone fixed. Can you give me a number to call?"
Them:"Let me check."
Me: "Thank you. " Moron...that was in my head.
Them: "The number you can try is....
Me: "Thank you."
Them: "Are you sure we can't set-up a local program for you? Is there anything else I can do for you today?"
Me:"No, I appreciate your help."
Now, you know they knew that number the whole time, but I was proud of myself, I didn't explode, but I almost broke the phone when I hung it up. I have to admit they were quite nice, so I couldn't be rude.
My phone is still broken, I will give you the repair story with my next installment.

Dieting

I know what I want to talk about. I want to talk about being fat. I want to talk about being sick and tired of being fat, OR of thinking about being fat. The problems with this is that I have mirrors in my house. I see myself everyday in those mirrors. I love mirrors. My neighbor was throwing away a mirror one day and I almost tackled him to the ground for it. It hangs in my downstairs hallway to this day. I bought a beautiful oval mirror about 4 feet tall at an auction. It hangs at the end of my hallway. I bought two (what I call antique, but they are probably just old and beat up) mirrors at an auction and they are just sitting in my garage, waiting to go somewhere. I bought a stand alone shaving mirror (auction: I love auctions too) that sits on my armoir jewlery case (that has a mirror inside) next to my dresser that has a great big mirror. The bathroom is the biggest offender. That stupid mirror is the size of the whole wall behind the sinks, that one is the worst because that is where I see myself on a daily basis the way I came into this world....you know. ( I hesitate to say the word naked here, there are sensitive minds out there who know me. I can feel them shudder.) Back to my point....I am tired of being fat. I travel a lot with my job and, although they haven't asked me to buy 2 seats yet, I have to pray that my upgrades will come through for first class because I just dread squeezing myself into a 17 inch seat (you heard me, 17 inches). I can guarantee you that my behind is wider than 17 inches. I am begining to feel that those of us who carry around the extra tonnage will go the way of the smoker. You know, kicked out of work to do their dirty business off of company property. I envision the day that there will be fat people lining the road at lunch time licking rib juice off their fingers because the company has gone to health food bars in the cafeteria.

The problem with being fat is that you HAVE to eat! You don't have to smoke or drink to keep breathing air, but one must eat to live. There is an overeaters anonymous out there, but I doubt they tell you never to touch food again. (they probably make you swear to never touch good food again!) The worst part for me is that I have been on every diet imanginable. Of course I stay on them exactly 6 hours and then quit. It seems to be a power struggle; I have to control every aspect of my life; go to work, be a good employee, be a good neighbor, make right choices, be a good mother, do the things I am expected to do, so when it comes to food I am totally out of control. It is the one thing I don't (or refuse) to limit myself on. It's like every time I eat I am giving the raspberry to everyone. It's like I am saying "I'll show YOU!, I'll eat this whole cheesecake and you can't do anything to me!" Really hurting the other guy huh? I am a diabetic....what a moron. I need to sign this off, I am really hungry and need some lunch.

Night Owl

Why is it always 11:00 at night before I decide I will do something here? I feel crummy, I'm tired and grouchy, and have so much on my mind that I can't sleep. I am screaming into the black hole of blog world and no one can hear me or really cares anyway. Hello? Anyone out there?

Let's see... I think my topic will be women tonight. Women in general...I have had a few years experience being a woman, (OK, all my life, no, I am not a he-she; and YES, I KNOW that isn't politically correct.. see my first paragraph.....grouchy, tired and I am talking to myslef anyway!)so maybe I can speak with some expertise on that subject (being a woman, that is).
Don't worry, I will give man a fair shake and make them a topic one night soon. Maybe I won't be so grouchy, and I can say nice things.

So......women....We are softer, shorter, not as strong as the male, intelligence is about the same as man in general, although I know a few who would argue with that. I say it all evens out statistically. I think our big contribution to the world (other than the propagation of the species, which is of mammoth importance...but you do need the other side for that) is liking pretty stuff. Was that a run-on sentence? Wasn't well crafted, but again.....talking to NO ONE. YES, liking pretty stuff makes us very important to the world, the world economy, and civilization. Don't believe me? Well, take all of the pretty stuff out of the world and what would you have? No landscaping, no Linens n Things store, no Pier One Imports.....For heavens' sake, there would only be places for food and clean underwear...Need I go on? We make worldwide employment opportunities to create, produce, and sell pretty stuff to us. The West was won by men but it was civilized and prettied up by women. Men want power and money. Women want to take that money and make everything pretty. If I didn't want to buy pretty stuff I probably wouldnt' work. Think about it, how much stuff in your house do you really need? I just bought a garden bench for my deck. I can't sit on it , but I love to look at it. It's PRETTY! It was originally $200.00....now come on, was that really necessary? But someone made it for me, a woman. Guaranteed a man wouldn't have bought a bench you can't sit on.

CANKLES!!!

It must be summer, I have cankles again. For those of you who do not know what a cankle is, it is a calf/ankle. You know, where your ankles are so swelled up that they have no shape and it is just a straight shot from your calves to your feet. I really hate that. Of course, along with cankles come sausage toes. You get the idea, right? I do love the long days of summer and the flowers in bloom, trees that are green, etc. etc...but I cannot abide the heat. I have a friend who LOVES the heat. She works outside in 98 degrees and can't understand why people have their air conditioners on. She wears thermal underwear when it gets to 65 outside. Heck, at 65 I am just coming alive. Now that is perfect weather! Anyhing above 78 gives me cankles and sausage toes. Then, of course, there is the sweat. I hate to sweat...it's, well, it' sweat, what more do I have to say? I married a heavy sweater......that didn't come out exactly like I expected, but anyway, on a hot day he can lose up to 10 pounds. He looks like he showered with his clothes on! OK, I think that is as gross as I am going to get on sweat. Sadly, it is only mid-June and I have a good 3 months to deal with cankles, sausage toes, sweating, hot cars, steering wheels, and leather seats that have been in the sun all day, and the inability to whine about it at home because my husband and son work outside everyday. For some reason, they are not very sympathetic...go figure.

Newbie!

Well, here I sit. I have stared at this screen for what seems to be a decade, when in fact it has been about 30 seconds. I am a middle-aged grandmother who created a blog. What was I thinking? Until about 2 months ago I would have guessed a blog to be something I needed to clean up off the floor.

The weird thing is, when I was growing up, to have someone read your personal journal was an absolute sin! I can remember hiding in a closet with a flashlight trying to pry open my sister's diary so I could find out all of her secrets. (Sorry, Pat) Here we are in the days of anonymous cyberspace spilling our guts to the whole world. We can say anything we want and the possibility runs from just your family seeing it (or not dependent upon if you tell them about it), to it being broadcast on the nightly news. By the way, I am 5'6", blonde, blue eyes, with an hourglass figure........(You don't know!)

Truth is, my son has a blog "The Doctor's Office" I would put a link to it here, but I don't know how.http://doclove.blogspot.com/ OOOOI think I just learned how! I feel like I am spiraling downward, I can't figure out what to do next. Maybe I will just hit publish and see what hap