Goodbye Buddy

I think if you asked any person on the street the question "What constitutes a happy life?" They would probably answer with a combination of things like money, a nice house, good kids, having a good marriage etc. I think that if you asked the question "Do you think that loving, being loved, and feeling loved is the most important thing in life to make us happy?" that the overwhelming answer would be yes......If that is the case, I can say that Ed had a happy life. It's ironic that just 2 weeks ago I posted about my Ed and how he had surgery to remove a growth under his eyelid. He was the picture of health. He was the picture of health Sunday night. Monday morning, however, Ed was acutely ill. It all happened so quickly. His big sweet heart just developed a problem that couldn't be fixed. As the day progressed and the hopes of restoring Ed to his former healthy self became less and less possible, I had to face the reality that Eddie would be leaving us and I had to make "The Decision". Would I take heroic measures that would probably not extend his life to a great extent, or would I let him go peacefully and painlessly? Hoping I had made the right decision, I chose the latter. I held his head in my lap has he took his last breath. I wanted to be there with him and let him know that he didn't have to be afraid and that someone who loved him was there at the end.

Ed was a devoted friend. He loved hugs around his big hairy neck. He loved the snow. He loved to eat. (Isn't if funny, I love those things too!) He loved to be brushed and scratched on the behind. He was afraid of thunderstorms and tried to hide under things that were too small for his great big body. Just last week I heaved him up on my bed during the middle of the night so I could put my arm around him and assure him that the thunder was not going to hurt him. He stayed until it was all over and then jumped down to do his job of protecting the household. (Even though he was always a big chicken!) He loved children and especially liked them when they were eye level, or licking level to him. He loved to go for rides and was first to the door when asked if he wanted to go. When he was young he could do this amazing vertical leap over couches and chairs and he loved to play "footsie", putting his feet on top of yours and then you putting yours on top of his, and then his on top of yours at a frantic pace until he would get so excited he would take off and "do a lap" around the house. He probably was the most gentle dog I have ever owned (and I have owned a few). We had a Yorkshire Terrier at one time and that little stinker would grab onto the hair of Eddie's neck and just hang there growling and shaking his head. Ed would look at me with this pleading look as if to say "Can you get this off, please?" He usually didn't get into the trash, but sometimes he couldn't resist if it was something he thought would be good. The funny thing was that he didn't hide the fact that he was getting into the trash. He would pick up whatever treasure it was and carry it tentatively into the room where the family was doing what families do and look around like, "Is it OK if I have this?". I'll never forget him carrying in a great big watermelon rind. It looked like he was carrying a giant smile. It was almost as funny as the time he got the trash lid caught around his neck and he raced to the bathroom to hide. He was sheepishly looking at us like "I really don't know how this got caught on my neck.......really"

There are many who say "It's a dog for cryin out loud." I would venture to say that they have never had the distinct pleasure of owning and loving a dog. I know that there are real tragedies in the world. I know that there are vitally important things to do for the safety and well-being of mankind. I know there are things that are much more important than a dog. However, Ed loved me unconditionally; that meant a lot to me. He never expected more than a pat on the head and a bowl of food in the mornings. I hope I did the right thing for him. Eddie was faithful and true and lived to the measure of his creation.......I should be so lucky as to have someone say that about me at the end of my days.

I hope you are doing vertical leaps on the other side Ed.........I am going to miss you, buddy.

Quick, can you teach me Chinese?

I love my job. I really do. Really......... However, sometimes, when people make decisions that affect me, I just cringe. Sometimes I get that deer in the headlights look, or the who? me? look.

I am supposed to go to China and Taiwan in the next couple of months. I am looking forward to the experience. I have always loved to travel, although when I travel for work, I tend to just work, work, work, sleep, work some more and then go home. The good thing about these trips was the fact that I was taking a colleague of Chinese descent. I was very happy that she was going so she could give me the ins and outs of communicating and maybe show me a few interesting spots, not to mention, I don't speak Chinese......at all.....ever......never.

I found out today that she will probably not be allowed to go due to the fact that it may not be critical for her to go and budgets are tight (not unusual in these fuel expensive days). It was said that I knew my job quite well and there was every confidence that I would do just fine by myself.

Am I being a baby, or is it OK for me to feel like.... BY MYSELF!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING!!!???? NOOOOOOO!!!

Here I am, this giant Caucasian woman going where I can't read the road signs. Who knows where I could end up? No one will be there to tell me what to eat.....or, more importantly, what not to eat. No one to tell me "Please shut-up you have offended everyone in the entire room." and then apologize for my ignorance. No one to take pictures with me in them. (I went to Paris and only got a couple of pictures with me in them, I found an American couple to help me out.) And how do I figure the money? Will I pay $3,000 for a taxi on my American Express and not know until I come home? I don't think the company will reimburse for stupidity.

The biggest problem here is that my company has confidence in me.........ME.........I have faked everybody out. I just know all of the abilities they think I have are really non-existent. I am a phoney, a fake, a fraud!! They are going to ask that 15 years of salary be returned due to my total lack of knowledge. I don't have it.

I guess I will have to have my affairs in order before I go........I may disappear and never resurface......Maybe Chad Lewis is free??? (If I have to explain that one, never mind)