Dieting

I know what I want to talk about. I want to talk about being fat. I want to talk about being sick and tired of being fat, OR of thinking about being fat. The problems with this is that I have mirrors in my house. I see myself everyday in those mirrors. I love mirrors. My neighbor was throwing away a mirror one day and I almost tackled him to the ground for it. It hangs in my downstairs hallway to this day. I bought a beautiful oval mirror about 4 feet tall at an auction. It hangs at the end of my hallway. I bought two (what I call antique, but they are probably just old and beat up) mirrors at an auction and they are just sitting in my garage, waiting to go somewhere. I bought a stand alone shaving mirror (auction: I love auctions too) that sits on my armoir jewlery case (that has a mirror inside) next to my dresser that has a great big mirror. The bathroom is the biggest offender. That stupid mirror is the size of the whole wall behind the sinks, that one is the worst because that is where I see myself on a daily basis the way I came into this world....you know. ( I hesitate to say the word naked here, there are sensitive minds out there who know me. I can feel them shudder.) Back to my point....I am tired of being fat. I travel a lot with my job and, although they haven't asked me to buy 2 seats yet, I have to pray that my upgrades will come through for first class because I just dread squeezing myself into a 17 inch seat (you heard me, 17 inches). I can guarantee you that my behind is wider than 17 inches. I am begining to feel that those of us who carry around the extra tonnage will go the way of the smoker. You know, kicked out of work to do their dirty business off of company property. I envision the day that there will be fat people lining the road at lunch time licking rib juice off their fingers because the company has gone to health food bars in the cafeteria.

The problem with being fat is that you HAVE to eat! You don't have to smoke or drink to keep breathing air, but one must eat to live. There is an overeaters anonymous out there, but I doubt they tell you never to touch food again. (they probably make you swear to never touch good food again!) The worst part for me is that I have been on every diet imanginable. Of course I stay on them exactly 6 hours and then quit. It seems to be a power struggle; I have to control every aspect of my life; go to work, be a good employee, be a good neighbor, make right choices, be a good mother, do the things I am expected to do, so when it comes to food I am totally out of control. It is the one thing I don't (or refuse) to limit myself on. It's like every time I eat I am giving the raspberry to everyone. It's like I am saying "I'll show YOU!, I'll eat this whole cheesecake and you can't do anything to me!" Really hurting the other guy huh? I am a diabetic....what a moron. I need to sign this off, I am really hungry and need some lunch.