Do you know where my _____is/are?

Fill in the blank...........

• keys
• badge
• laptop
• stethoscope
• shoes
• GPS
• purse
• camera
• phone
• pager
• glasses (not usually; I really need them to see, so they are usually close by)

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, do not lecture me on how I should put things in the same place so that I know where they are when I need them. I know all about that, and I have done it. In fact, I put my badge by the door when I come home so I know where it is when I leave for work again.......at least when I REMEMBER to do that. I just have a lot of things roaming around in my head and when I put something down, it just doesn't register......I have to register it to remember......

The worst part is that I get soooo angry when I can't find something that it makes my head hurt. I have been known to throw things and yell......My husband used to say to the kids "Run!! Mom is on the warpath, she can't find something!" They said I did it when I cleaned the house too....I don't remember that....I choose not to remember that.......It's enough that I doubted my motherly instincts as it was, and that I have often felt that I fell short when raising my children....I don't want to add screaming for no good reason to my list of things about which to feel guilty....

I have gotten better, about the anger, not about losing things. Whenever I would get so mad that pets quivered in the corner and children hid under their beds and then I found the offending object, I would immediately feel terrible about being so angry. Then I would have to repent for being out of control, apologize to everybody, and take back the accusations that everyone was trying to make me go crazy by moving my stuff.......Now I realize that it was my dear sweet husband who has been trying to drive me crazy all of these years......It HAS to be him, he's the only one left in the house......I can say that because he never reads this blog. He doesn't read the blog because he is:

• not interested


• doesn't know what a blog is


• doesn't know where a blog might be


• not sure why we have a computer in the first place except to play Free Cell

So I can pretty much blame him and be safe.....unless one of the kids tells him, which I am sure they probably will, but I will deny it, and he will just shrug his shoulders and he STILL won't read the blog....Not that I really want him to read it......Here is the probable conversation if he did:

Me: "Well, what did you think?"

Him: "About what?

Me: "What do you mean about what? The blog, that's what!"

Him: "It was OK."

Me: "Just OK?"

Him: "Yeah, OK"

Me: "That's all you have to say?"

Him: "What do you want me to say?"

Me: "Well, I expected a little more than just OK."

Him: "OK, it was great."

Me: "Don't patronize me."

Him: "I don't know what to say, it was OK, it was great."

Me: "Thank you for your detailed review."

I have more of a critique for him when he gets his hair cut.

But back to losing things....I won't say that things actually get LOST, although I AM on my third GPS.....I have the holder for the last one, but the GPS itself is just gone. I really think it got lifted from my car when I was on call one night, but I probably should have locked the car before I ran off, and it's my own fault. Anytime something gets stolen, I think maybe the person that stole it may need it more than me...helps with the acceptance.

My car keys are the worst. I have to remember where they are EVERY SINGLE MORNING when I am getting ready to leave for work, but I aways find them, so lost wouldn't be the operative word, just mislaid, I guess.

I know that if I spent any time sitting in the car after I got home that they are probably in the ignition the next morning. That's almost 100% right; if I made a call, sent a text, tried to get myself together before going in, or just wanted to sit alone, I can almost guarantee that I will leave the keys in the ignition. One of these mornings my car will be gone (Please, Please, I need a new one!)

No one will look on my desk, or my dresser, or in my room in general.....for anything....I have to do that myself. No one wants to touch any of these sacred places or move paperwork because I will inevitably accuse someone of taking something.

I then start spouting the words of my mother (dreadful!)

Me: "Well, they just can't sprout legs and walk away!!!!"

OR, when I used to enlist help from children.

Them: "Mom! we can't find it!!"

Me: "Look with your eyes and not with your mouth!"

Of course, I always get the same question "Where did you have it last?" I just want to give them my laser of death look, because if I remembered what I did 30 seconds ago, I would be way ahead of myself on a daily basis.

I have lost interest in my iPhone, so now I will probably not know where it is most of the time and it will probably be dead more than charged. The worst part is that there was a time when I knew where EVERYTHING was in my house. I was able to keep it clean and orderly.

"Where's the black ladle?" "In the third drawer down on the right hand side beside the long wooden spoon." "Where is the furniture spray?" "In the cupboard above the washer on the second shelf next to the scrubbing bubbles." I haven't done a thorough house cleaning in so long that now I get asked "Where exactly is the living room?" "I don't know, It used to be on the right when you walked in the front door." It's DISTURBING...Everywhere around me I see evidence of my failure in something.

Now when I can't find something, I just sigh and go without it. (For the most part...I DO on occasion still yell and throw things...I am a passionate woman, what can I say?) If I lose my keys, I use the spare one, if I lose the GPS, I use my iPhone, If I lose the iPhone, I pull out the map, If I lose my badge, I get a new one, without FAIL, anything I replace turns up somewhere, eventually. (Except the GPS...the most expensive thing, of course).

Before I bought my iPhone, I had a Blackberry...I could not find the in-house charger ANYWHERE....I looked and looked and looked......I also could not find my car charger for the last lost GPS so I bought new ones.........TWO months after buying the iPhone, and having given up on the charger for the Blackberry, I found, plugged into a wall in my family room, IN PLAIN SIGHT, was my in-house charger for the Blackberry. You cannot convince me that someone was NOT messing with my head......and I have about 6 car and in-house chargers laying around for things I now cannot find.....I'm not even sure if I owned anything that could take a charge from them. (That is the subject of another blog....WHY does everything use a different type of charger?)

That whole list at the top?? I have lost them and found them at least 50 times a piece, but I still think someone is trying to gaslight me.....