The list extolling the virtues of the cucumber are continued. I often wonder where these tests are done or who has enough time in their day to experiment with these type of things; I'm sure it is a degree at some AG college somewhere. I know we have plant physiologists etc etc, but is there a "Cucumber Institute", or maybe it is a sub-study of the "Vegetable Institute". Now wait a minute; is a cucumber a vegetable or a fruit? Fruit, I think? Anyway, here are the rest of the cucumber suggestions from the list.
#7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used for centuries and often used by European trappers, traders and explorers for quick meals to thwart off starvation.
OK, the operative words here are "snacking binge". European trappers, traders, and explorers may have eaten them to "thwart off starvation", but I doubt had they had access to chips, ice cream, or even some beef jerky they would NOT have filled up on cucumbers. And why would I want to "fight off" a snacking binge? The whole idea of a binge is to wake up in a stupor to find your chest covered with crumbs (chips, cookies, sandwich, take your pick), chocolate on your lips, soda in one hand, and a spoon of half eaten peanut butter in the other. It's the "Lost Weekend" of the food addict.
#8. Have an important meeting or job interview and you realize that you don't have enough time to polish your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick and durable shine that not only looks great but also repels water.
I don't think women polish shoes. Do men still polish shoes? And is the important meeting or job interview a big surprise? I don't think I would be inclined to hire someone who was so unprepared for an interview that they totally forgot to polish their shoes....or maybe I would, I don't think I would notice unpolished shoes. Do you notice your shoes are unpolished only in the morning before the meeting or interview, or did you know you have been wearing scuffed up shoes for about 3 months? And how long does it take to polish a shoe? Is rubbing a cucumber slice over your shoes faster? Maybe I am missing the point? Should I choose polishing shoes with a cucumber over the traditional ? Maybe I should just have shoes that don't get polished......
#9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge? Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!
Again, who thinks of doing this?? Let's see, I have a squeaky hinge.....in the kitchen I have Pam, vegetable oil, butter, but no WD 40...........Think I will go with a cucumber, that has GOT to work....Me? don't care about squeaky hinges, they give a house character.....
#10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage, facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber will react with the boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown to reduce stress in new mothers and college students during final exams.
Mmmmmmmmm.........massage.....facial.....trip to spa.............wouldn't that be nice?? Never had a massage, had my first facial (and last, now that I think of it) when I was 54....heavenly.....my first pedicure at about 50, ....have to do that now, I have never been successful in getting my husband or any other family member to rub my feet, even though I have tried every bribe I can think of...no, that's not true, I think one of my progeny actually took money for it at times.... so I now pay for "Ricky" to be my cabana boy and give me regular spa pedicures. Well actually, I don't go to Ricky anymore because the salon was just not, well, I was afraid I would catch something there....but when I can, I get a man to do the pedicure. Their hands are stronger and... and... and...well, their hands are stronger.....but I digress.
I'm trying to figure out how a cucumber in a pot of boiling water will make me feel as good as a facial....and AGAIN, cucumbers do not give off a soothing relaxing fragrance. Wait a minute, let me go try it and see...... OK, here is the verdict..... no,... really,.... I actually did it! I just happened to have a fresh cucumber from the garden in my kitchen (7 pints of bread and butter pickles done today!) So I took one of the two I had left over and sliced it up. Of course, my husband asked me what I was doing, and just kind of shook his head.....BUT , he did make the comment that he smelled the cucumber as I was slicing it. He even said it was a little refreshing....(I don't think I have ever heard him say THAT before) And I will agree, the FRESH cuke FRESH from the garden did have a clean fresh smell as I sliced it, but definitely not a soothing relaxing fragrance. So, trying to be fair I boiled water and dropped the slices in. Went and sat in the family room to see if the anti-stress fragrance would waft around the house.....no luck....went back into the kitchen and stuck my head over the pot to see if it would at least be a good way to suck in the spa aroma and open up the pores of my face....no.....it actually smelled better when I cut it up fresh on the counter. Now, it just smelled like boiling water with soggy cucumber slices. Now, my question....it showed reduced stress in new mothers???? Did anyone take into account that when you did this test on new mothers that they were probably AWAY from their children in a room with nothing but a boiling pot of cucumbers? If I remember my young mother days (and I do!) if someone had asked me to participate in a test to see if my stress would be relived by boiling cucumbers, I would have leaped at the chance to get into a room by myself.....with a pot of ANYTHING. AND I would have told them to let me just sit there a few more minutes because I was SO refreshed and stress free by whatever it was boiling in the pot......or did they mean it relieved the stress of new mothers taking final exams?? As for THAT.......how exactly did that go down? I know getting a good laugh will reduce my stress. Coming into a classroom with a pot of boiling cucumbers during final exams would definitely give me a reason to giggle. And if the reason for the boiling cucumbers was announced I would definitely laugh; however, every student stressed because they had been out partying instead of studying would certainly be sucking in great gulps of air to calm their frazzled nerves hoping for, at the very least, a placebo effect.
#11. Just finish a business lunch and realize you don't have gum or mints? Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath.
Wow....this is a good one! I don't have breath mints or gum in my purse or pocket, BUT, I have a baggie of cucumber slices!! How lucky am I that I didn't forget that this morning!!
# 12. Looking for a 'green' way to clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel? Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine, but is won't leave streaks and won't harm you fingers or fingernails while you clean.
It may not harm my fingernails, but they will get torn off trying to clean with a slice of cucumber. This is another one I should try, jut to see, but I kind of like my tarnish,.....AND....If you have "years of tarnish" on stuff in your house, have you just been waiting for someone to tell you to use a cucumber, or do you really not give a flip?
OK there were 13 not 12......
# 13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!!
I am now convinced that cucumber growers have created this list.....is the outside of a cucumber the peel? If it is, why not just say use cucumber peel as a pen eraser? Can I hold the entire cucumber like a pencil and use it as an eraser, or do I have to peel the cucumber and use said peel as an eraser? And why do I have to do it slowly, will it smear? Will I be able to write over the residue left by cucumber peel? I know... I should probably try it and then answer my own questions....
And, OK, my youngest daughter was an artist extraordinaire when she was a little girl. she didn't just draw on the walls, she scribbled murals at 3 years old, across the walls, the closets, the dressers, her bed, the floor. Forget paper, her medium was drywall and wood. I honestly thought we might have had someone in our family with artistic ability, but, no, she was just destructive.....I didn't bother with cucumber slices to erase her art work. The only thing that worked for me was primer and paint.
So there you have it. The wondrous cucumber and all of its miraculous uses. We have all seen those people with mud masks and cucumber slices on their eyes so there must be something based in reality; however, for me, I would like to leave my reality in the hands of a plastic surgeon for my wrinkles, Dow chemical for cleaning, and xanax for my stress.
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