Out Of Control

That's my youngest daughter's latest catch phrase. Everything and everybody that she finds annoying or unbelievable is "out of control!" That includes me, of course, I am often 'out of control' in her eyes. However, I must say that the stories she has brought home from her job of about 9 months definitely fit the description. She is in retail. We all know that working with the public puts you in contact with some mighty strange characters. I won't mention the store, I don't need any lawsuits, but she works in one of those stores that sells "pretty stuff" that women like to buy. Here I now give you my first list of "you gotta be kidding me!" stories. I am sure that more will come in the future; stupid and annoying and nervy people are never in short supply.

#5.) A woman comes in to return a fitted sheet. No receipt, no tag to even prove it came from the store, just a torn sheet and bringing her mother along with her.

Customer:I bought this sheet a year ago, and it has a rip. I don't understand why it would rip after only a year!

Customer's mother: I have sheets that are 35 years old and they haven't ripped!

Lindsey, staring blankly, "Let me call the manager." (Translation :"I can't handle this.")

Manager: I am sorry but you can't return the sheet after a year with no receipt. We don't even know if it came from this store (I am sure she wanted to add 'you moron you' at the end of that sentence)

The argument goes on for 20 minutes. The mother is appalled that a sheet would rip after only one year after HER sheets have lasted 35 years. I have some old stuff in my house, and probably some sheets that are 30 years old, but I don't think I would bring that up. It just kind of grosses me out. The store won on this one, no return allowed.

#4.) The police are called to the shopping center because a young woman has had her car stolen. Police arrive, start writing a stolen car report and the girl spots her car. OOPS!, Sorry officer, I just forgot where I parked my car..............That girl has a drivers license??

#3.) Woman comes in to return a very expensive bedset ($400 expensive enough for you?)

Customer: "I want to return this, it's faded. I took it to the dry cleaners, but it still faded."

(You know those little material balls that appear on your pillow? They were all over these pillows)

Lindsey: "Do you have a receipt?"

Customer "Oh yes, I just want to pick out a whole new set to replace this one!"

About an HOUR later the woman appears at the check-out with her new expensive bedset. The exchange rate was not exactly equal so she kept asking 'How much do I have left?' and then she would run off to get this or that doo dad to make up the difference. All free of course, because she just wanted an even exchange, you know. (Blink, Blink go my innocent eyes)

Now for the receipt................It's dated September 2004. She has had this bed set for 10 months!! But of course, that is not all. On the same receipt is the evidence of another return. Seems that last September she returned a very expensive bedset that she had had for almost a year and made an even exchange for the bedset she is now returning 10 months later. What kind of racket is that? She has figured a way to redecorate her bedroom every year without spending a dime. "Gee, and if I can find a good one on sale, I can get some doo dads to go with it!" Now that is nerve. BTW, she was able to do this without any questions.

#2.) OK, the theme seems to center around what some people have the nerve to return. Here's one for you. Customer comes in and wants to return a foot spa. You know, you fill it up with water and then it does wonderful things for your feet? Now correct me if I am wrong, but I don't usually buy anything if a box is open unless I really want it and it's the last one. However, I surely will look through the box if it is damaged or opened to make sure everything is there. I make the assumption that this box was intact when the customer bought it. So, a foot spa, the customer believes that it has been used and it is missing a piece or two. Customer wants a direct exchange.......no problem, the store is there to please their customers. Customer brings new product to checkout, this receipt is only about a week old, cashier (Lindsey) opens the returned foot spa in front of the customer. The box is wet.....the plastic wrapped around the spa is wet......the spa is wet........Cashier and customer make eye contact.........customer has a poker face.......Cashier sighs, puts the wet spa back into the box and says "You're good to go..." you moron you....Now I say to you, was this a cruel joke at the foot spa factory where Joe and Buddy decide it would be hilarious if they got everything wet before they packaged this foot spa? No, wait, wouldn't be able to enjoy that in person...AT LEAST DRY IT OFF BEFORE YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO RETURN IT!

#1.) Not all people are clever enough, like those above, to think of ideas on how to steal without admitting they are actually stealing. Some people are quite direct about what they believe they should have for free. Take this case that I place at #1....Very large man comes into the store early one morning. Early is good, before everyone is alert enough to do much more than stare at your audaciousness (sp? or is that a word?) Anyway, he is large enough to be intimidating to the women that run a "pretty stuff" store. Walks directly to one of the most expensive items in the store, a Dyson vacuum cleaner (I love mine!) picks it up and heads toward the checkout. The cashier, (not Lindsey) says: "I can take you right here." He says, "Oh, right here?" and points to the counter, but continues to walk directly out of the store to a waiting jeep that sits in front of the store where his lovely accomplice waits. He loads the vacuum into the Jeep, gets behind the wheel of the car, and drives off, extending his arm out of the window and giving the middle finger salute to all in the store. What more can I add to that? Everyone just kind of looked at each other. They didn't even call the police, what's the point?

But......I have a bonus one here. Lindsey's personal favorite, and mine too, I must say.

Woman buys a candy bar. Leaves the store. Comes back later with half a candy bar. "I don't like this candy bar. I want to return it and get my money back." You'll be happy to know that that one didn't get a refund.