Sometimes I wish that I didn't have agency. Agency to choose for myself. I sometimes wish that my decisions could be made for me and that I could avoid the consequence of making poor or incorrect choices. I sometimes wish that. However, in my heart of hearts, I know without a doubt that that is wrong. What is life without the ability to choose for yourself? Some will try and tell you that there are those in the world that do not have the ability to choose, but I disagree. Even those that have had the most basic of life's decisions taken away from their control still have the ultimate choice. I remember reading a story of a person that had been in a concentration camp and they brought up this very tenent. He (or she, I cant remember) made the point that the only thing the camp could not take from him/her was the choice to be who they were, what they would choose to think, how they would choose to react, what they would choose to say. Very powerful lesson.
Sometimes I choose poorly. (Makes me think of Indiana Jones) Sometimes I choose more wisely. (Definitely Indiana Jones now) But the whole point of choice is progression. An egg without a little bit of heat added to it is not particularly appetizing. It is still healthy, but it hasn't met its potential.
I guess what I really wish is that choices were easy. I want the potential of the egg without the heat. I don't want to make decisions between 2 things that are equally good and desirable but are mutually exclusive in attaining. I don't want consequence. But not wanting that does not take away facing the reality that I must make the choice. Maybe the bigger the choice the bigger the growth that comes from it. I can only hope.
Decision today? Not facing the big ones yet, but I did decide to have a piece of danish over cottage cheese....I think that was a poor choice......the only growth that comes from that is in my hips.
2 comments:
I know what it's like to make big choices. I have recent experience with that, and I can commiserate. I also wish the choice could have been taken away. It would save much stress and worry that perhaps you made the wrong choice. Darn choices. I can hardly choose whether to wear flip-flops or sandals, let alone major decisions. Frustration....
You, my darling, are an amazing woman. You are making choices that many would find unbearable. I see lots of growth for you and for your family. The heat has been applied and the refining will make you a beautiful work of art...
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