Why does being sick have to feel so crappy? Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for the good health that I normally enjoy, and I know there are others that suffer much more; but if being sick helps us appreciate being healthy.....really, I get it. One big sickness in life should take care of that, right? As I lay here with fever and chills and body aches, croaking like a frog, hoping I don't cough up a lung and wanting to cover up my head and pass "peacefully into that goodnight", I wonder how people with chronic illness cope.
If we chose the maladies of our life prior to coming here, we must have had counselors to walk us through the process. I know what mine said. "Oh no, Deb, don't choose illness, you are way to wimpy for that. Pick a big nose, (well, don't pick a nose, but you know what I mean) or superficiality, or being a royal pain...that's much more up your alley." (I think I chose all 3 plus a few more that I would rather not admit, but I'm working on them...except the nose...that just keeps me humble.)
I must say that working with people that are ill will harden one to their plight. I have experienced it as a nurse and especially as a hospice nurse. It is sometimes necessary to protect your heart. Maybe I have been shielding myself a little too much lately. Maybe I haven't been quite as compassionate as I should be. Maybe that's the lesson for this round of feeling like crappola. Maybe I just feel horrible...yeah, I'm going with that for now.
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