Why does being sick have to feel so crappy? Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for the good health that I normally enjoy, and I know there are others that suffer much more; but if being sick helps us appreciate being healthy.....really, I get it. One big sickness in life should take care of that, right? As I lay here with fever and chills and body aches, croaking like a frog, hoping I don't cough up a lung and wanting to cover up my head and pass "peacefully into that goodnight", I wonder how people with chronic illness cope.
If we chose the maladies of our life prior to coming here, we must have had counselors to walk us through the process. I know what mine said. "Oh no, Deb, don't choose illness, you are way to wimpy for that. Pick a big nose, (well, don't pick a nose, but you know what I mean) or superficiality, or being a royal pain...that's much more up your alley." (I think I chose all 3 plus a few more that I would rather not admit, but I'm working on them...except the nose...that just keeps me humble.)
I must say that working with people that are ill will harden one to their plight. I have experienced it as a nurse and especially as a hospice nurse. It is sometimes necessary to protect your heart. Maybe I have been shielding myself a little too much lately. Maybe I haven't been quite as compassionate as I should be. Maybe that's the lesson for this round of feeling like crappola. Maybe I just feel horrible...yeah, I'm going with that for now.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Milestones
I haven't blogged for so long that I am actually angry with myself! I did, however, find 4 draft posts from 2010 that I never published. As I read them, I think I'm glad I didn't.
I love to write and I haven't taken the time to do what I love to do . It's different now! I am not sitting at my desk posting away on my computer, but laying in my bed posting away on my iPad. So many changes have happened since my last post. I lost my job...but was able to take retirement, so, not a pity party or a total loss. The severance package was good, the retirement is OK, and the time off has been heavenly. I am, however not one that can sit about doing nothing. I kept my second job and I opened a business of my own. We"ll see how that goes. I have an interview on the 4th of March to pick up a contract for the new business. I'm looking forward to having something to stimulate the brain cells again. However, as I think about what I want to be when I grow up, I wonder if I am playing it safe doing what I know how to do while hesitating to jump into something I am not so experienced in performing, but love to do. Safe isn't always fun. How old is too old to do the things you love to do? Never? I know that's the advise I would give. I think I need to follow my own advice, I think. So what is it I love to do? Write, yes, but what? A book? Maybe.... A column? That's what I would like, but t it keeps getting pointed out to me that no one reads magazines or books or newpapers anymore. I don't know, maybe I can stick with the blog to get my need to write fix. Photography? Yes, I even have a lead for a volunteer spot to do amateur photography. Can't wait to follow up on that. Travel? Definitely! I have some big stuff coming soon which I will share here. I do have to make some money. That's the problem with doing things you love; often they bring little to no income. Not always, but sometimes. Songwriting? Yes, done alot of that of that, mostly when I was a lot younger, even have a copyright on a piece. There is always another song inside somewhere. I also love teaching kids with music....I've had this idea of teaching some American history through folk tunes that are being lost....have to pull out the guitar and toughen up my fingers again. Know what a tarrier is? How about the history of the Erie Canal? Revolutionary war? All have some folk tunes to go with them. There is fun stuff too. "Oh Far and Far to Zanzibar" is a great song. Some say that kids are too sophistcated for that anymore...I say kids like what kids like...My "professional" background is nursing which, although physically difficult at times, I love, and clinical research, which I find fascinating and challenging, albeit a bit dry at times. My ADD makes my mind race through so many things that I have a difficult time getting the brain train to stop at any one station. I jump through stops saying "Yes! I like that, and that, and that.... " Focus has always been an issue for me. If I get hung up on something, my train derails and it is one heck of an effort to get it back on track again. I think that's what makes me, at the same time, interesting, or scary...take your pick...
I love to write and I haven't taken the time to do what I love to do . It's different now! I am not sitting at my desk posting away on my computer, but laying in my bed posting away on my iPad. So many changes have happened since my last post. I lost my job...but was able to take retirement, so, not a pity party or a total loss. The severance package was good, the retirement is OK, and the time off has been heavenly. I am, however not one that can sit about doing nothing. I kept my second job and I opened a business of my own. We"ll see how that goes. I have an interview on the 4th of March to pick up a contract for the new business. I'm looking forward to having something to stimulate the brain cells again. However, as I think about what I want to be when I grow up, I wonder if I am playing it safe doing what I know how to do while hesitating to jump into something I am not so experienced in performing, but love to do. Safe isn't always fun. How old is too old to do the things you love to do? Never? I know that's the advise I would give. I think I need to follow my own advice, I think. So what is it I love to do? Write, yes, but what? A book? Maybe.... A column? That's what I would like, but t it keeps getting pointed out to me that no one reads magazines or books or newpapers anymore. I don't know, maybe I can stick with the blog to get my need to write fix. Photography? Yes, I even have a lead for a volunteer spot to do amateur photography. Can't wait to follow up on that. Travel? Definitely! I have some big stuff coming soon which I will share here. I do have to make some money. That's the problem with doing things you love; often they bring little to no income. Not always, but sometimes. Songwriting? Yes, done alot of that of that, mostly when I was a lot younger, even have a copyright on a piece. There is always another song inside somewhere. I also love teaching kids with music....I've had this idea of teaching some American history through folk tunes that are being lost....have to pull out the guitar and toughen up my fingers again. Know what a tarrier is? How about the history of the Erie Canal? Revolutionary war? All have some folk tunes to go with them. There is fun stuff too. "Oh Far and Far to Zanzibar" is a great song. Some say that kids are too sophistcated for that anymore...I say kids like what kids like...My "professional" background is nursing which, although physically difficult at times, I love, and clinical research, which I find fascinating and challenging, albeit a bit dry at times. My ADD makes my mind race through so many things that I have a difficult time getting the brain train to stop at any one station. I jump through stops saying "Yes! I like that, and that, and that.... " Focus has always been an issue for me. If I get hung up on something, my train derails and it is one heck of an effort to get it back on track again. I think that's what makes me, at the same time, interesting, or scary...take your pick...
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