My daughters said "Mom!!" An 'ageless wild horse'??? What the hell does that mean???
Hmmmmm.... when I said it out loud, I actually snort laughed again. That does sound pretty stupid. I was waxing poetic, I guess, and it didn't quite work. Especially since I am not anything close to a poet. If you look at the post again, you will see that I did a strikethrough. My point was, I don't feel old on the inside, I only look old on the outside.
Thanks girls for helping me keep it real, your mother can be pretty simple at times...but I guess I don't have to tell you that.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
You Gotta Biga Facea
So, I am OK with getting older…..really I am. My essence, or spirit as I would believe, has no age. Inside this body that is no longer firm, elastic, or attractive to the common passerby, is an ageless wild horse…..(No, not an old gray mare, I SAID a wild horse.....) Thankfully no one is going to shoot me if I go lame. (At least no one under our current healthcare structure…)
But did I really have to buy that magnifying mirror at Costco?? It’s freaking big and magnifies 8 times the normal size. Did I really want to see every flaw in this face? My pores look like soup bowls, my skin has 23 different colors, my eyelids look like plastic bags that have carried around one too many apples, my nose is in the way of everything, and my crow’s feet look more like ostrich claws.
Well, of course the answer to that question is no, in fact, I got it for another gross reason. I got it cause I have to tweeze these stupid hairs off my chin….and neck….and jawline….I am thinking laser removal, but I have heard it doesn’t work on my type of non-pigmented hair….that’s gray hair for all of you that need a better description.
I don’t know, I spent a lot of years being overweight….. I couldn't get rid of the baby fat…..I mean my youngest is ONLY 23 years old. But now that I am down to an almost normal weight, I don’t have anything to go with it, except an old face…..8 times bigger than I imagined.
Is it too late to have everything lifted, trimmed, sucked, nipped, lowered, raised, plumped, botoxed, contoured, and bronzed to a healthy glow, or will I get more mileage out of the cool granny look? Maybe I should go for the mature and wise woman image, but I snort when I think of that. Snort laughing is not conducive to the mature and wise woman image. I am more the “Let’s go karaoke sober and see how many drunks we can convince that I am REALLY Dolly Parton’s cousin!” Snort….Snort… (No, it doesn’t take much to amuse me)
But if I did get everything “reconditioned”, what good would that do? Who’s gonna see it but me? Better yet, who’s gonna be INTERESTED in seeing it but me? Yes, I am married, but let’s just say that I could come home in a clown suit with my head shaved and the only reaction I would get would be “Anything interesting happen today?”
So, I’ll keep the mirror, soup bowl pores and all….at least I won’t have whiskers…..
But did I really have to buy that magnifying mirror at Costco?? It’s freaking big and magnifies 8 times the normal size. Did I really want to see every flaw in this face? My pores look like soup bowls, my skin has 23 different colors, my eyelids look like plastic bags that have carried around one too many apples, my nose is in the way of everything, and my crow’s feet look more like ostrich claws.
Well, of course the answer to that question is no, in fact, I got it for another gross reason. I got it cause I have to tweeze these stupid hairs off my chin….and neck….and jawline….I am thinking laser removal, but I have heard it doesn’t work on my type of non-pigmented hair….that’s gray hair for all of you that need a better description.
I don’t know, I spent a lot of years being overweight….. I couldn't get rid of the baby fat…..I mean my youngest is ONLY 23 years old. But now that I am down to an almost normal weight, I don’t have anything to go with it, except an old face…..8 times bigger than I imagined.
Is it too late to have everything lifted, trimmed, sucked, nipped, lowered, raised, plumped, botoxed, contoured, and bronzed to a healthy glow, or will I get more mileage out of the cool granny look? Maybe I should go for the mature and wise woman image, but I snort when I think of that. Snort laughing is not conducive to the mature and wise woman image. I am more the “Let’s go karaoke sober and see how many drunks we can convince that I am REALLY Dolly Parton’s cousin!” Snort….Snort… (No, it doesn’t take much to amuse me)
But if I did get everything “reconditioned”, what good would that do? Who’s gonna see it but me? Better yet, who’s gonna be INTERESTED in seeing it but me? Yes, I am married, but let’s just say that I could come home in a clown suit with my head shaved and the only reaction I would get would be “Anything interesting happen today?”
So, I’ll keep the mirror, soup bowl pores and all….at least I won’t have whiskers…..
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Cool or Clod?
Since I have been writing this blog, I have become more and more unsettling to myself. There was a time when I would have described me as: professional, unaffected by pressure, determined, focused, and might I even add, a little cool.
I am now beginning to think, however, that it might be difficult for me to go through an entire day without drooling all over myself. Professional has gone to lack of control, pressure keeps me in bed too late cause I don't want to face the day, determined has gone to I don't give a crap, what used to be focus is now the attention span of a 2 year old, and my cool factor has gone to clod factor.....
Two weeks ago, out on a call, I went to my car to get supplies to dress a wound. It was 4 in the morning and I tossed my keys in the trunk as I was rummaging around, thinking that I needed to move a few things out when I had time....as I slammed my trunk, I immediately knew that my keys were still on the inside. It wouldn't have been so bad if my car had been unlocked, I could of just popped the trunk from the inside, but I had locked my car on the way in to see my patient. I almost NEVER lock my car....of COURSE I am going to do it when I leave the keys in the trunk. This was the 3rd time since May that I have had to call my husband out of bed to come rescue me from my own stupid self. He is such a patient man.....I can take credit for that.......I have tried him over and over again, and he just keeps coming back for more. I am not sure what the attraction is, but I am glad it works for him. I don't even cook, for cryin out loud....All he said was "You know, you shouldn't put your keys in the trunk like that, it's very easy to lock them in there if you do." Am I that oblivious to the obvious that he needs to tell me that??? Geez....One of the times he came to rescue me I thought I had locked my keys in the car. I couldn't find them anywhere, it was dark, I couldn't see into the car, I had emptied out my bag and had come up with nothing. When he came and unlocked the car, (hmmmm maybe I DO lock it more than I thought)...the keys were not on the inside either. Another dumping of the bag found the keys buried in a crevice under my blood pressure cuff. Sorry about that....but it was only a little after 11:00 that time.
As I look over my blogs, I see that I am grouchy, over-extended, rude, self-centered, vain, critical, insensitive......anyone want to stop me here? Oh well..... and I'm not too bright either...as you will see in the following example.
I started bowling again recently after several years away and my right hand and ring finger have been stiff and sore. I thought that it would work itself out, but last night, I decided that I would use some "herbal muscle massage" that contains capsaicin and menthol; kind of a potent Ben Gay, if you will. Capsaicin, as you will remember, is what makes chili peppers hot. It burns, people. However, I can eat very hot things, and believe me, if my insides can take it, why not my tough old hands? So after the first application, I decided that the heat from the capsaicin and the cool from the menthol was not quite enough, so I applied a second coating. I used it like a hand cream rather than a targeted topical medication to the areas that were painful.....Yeah, I know that wasn't too smart now. Here's the weird thing though, it really didn't bother me until this morning when I was slathering body lotion on my legs and arms (I really need to drink more water to keep my skin in better condition, but I hate water)....I don't know if this act triggered an exothermic event, but my hands started to feel like they were on fire. Now remember, this was the morning AFTER.... I took a shower, I had washed my hands a couple of times already...and then I rubbed my face....I was immediately blinded by pain and I couldn't open my right eye.....What the heck was going on here? Well the eye got better after flushing, but my hands felt like they were being cooked from the inside out! For 2 hours, I had to keep running to the sink to wash my hands and run them under cold water for relief, and my right hand and finger are still stiff and sore! Upon further investigation, (oh yeah, I don't follow directions very well either) you must, apparently, apply the capsaicin up to 4 times a day over a period of 1-3 weeks to get relief of stiff joints.....I think I'll pass for now....
I have decided that the only cool thing about me these days is my rosemary mint shampoo.....
I am now beginning to think, however, that it might be difficult for me to go through an entire day without drooling all over myself. Professional has gone to lack of control, pressure keeps me in bed too late cause I don't want to face the day, determined has gone to I don't give a crap, what used to be focus is now the attention span of a 2 year old, and my cool factor has gone to clod factor.....
Two weeks ago, out on a call, I went to my car to get supplies to dress a wound. It was 4 in the morning and I tossed my keys in the trunk as I was rummaging around, thinking that I needed to move a few things out when I had time....as I slammed my trunk, I immediately knew that my keys were still on the inside. It wouldn't have been so bad if my car had been unlocked, I could of just popped the trunk from the inside, but I had locked my car on the way in to see my patient. I almost NEVER lock my car....of COURSE I am going to do it when I leave the keys in the trunk. This was the 3rd time since May that I have had to call my husband out of bed to come rescue me from my own stupid self. He is such a patient man.....I can take credit for that.......I have tried him over and over again, and he just keeps coming back for more. I am not sure what the attraction is, but I am glad it works for him. I don't even cook, for cryin out loud....All he said was "You know, you shouldn't put your keys in the trunk like that, it's very easy to lock them in there if you do." Am I that oblivious to the obvious that he needs to tell me that??? Geez....One of the times he came to rescue me I thought I had locked my keys in the car. I couldn't find them anywhere, it was dark, I couldn't see into the car, I had emptied out my bag and had come up with nothing. When he came and unlocked the car, (hmmmm maybe I DO lock it more than I thought)...the keys were not on the inside either. Another dumping of the bag found the keys buried in a crevice under my blood pressure cuff. Sorry about that....but it was only a little after 11:00 that time.
As I look over my blogs, I see that I am grouchy, over-extended, rude, self-centered, vain, critical, insensitive......anyone want to stop me here? Oh well..... and I'm not too bright either...as you will see in the following example.
I started bowling again recently after several years away and my right hand and ring finger have been stiff and sore. I thought that it would work itself out, but last night, I decided that I would use some "herbal muscle massage" that contains capsaicin and menthol; kind of a potent Ben Gay, if you will. Capsaicin, as you will remember, is what makes chili peppers hot. It burns, people. However, I can eat very hot things, and believe me, if my insides can take it, why not my tough old hands? So after the first application, I decided that the heat from the capsaicin and the cool from the menthol was not quite enough, so I applied a second coating. I used it like a hand cream rather than a targeted topical medication to the areas that were painful.....Yeah, I know that wasn't too smart now. Here's the weird thing though, it really didn't bother me until this morning when I was slathering body lotion on my legs and arms (I really need to drink more water to keep my skin in better condition, but I hate water)....I don't know if this act triggered an exothermic event, but my hands started to feel like they were on fire. Now remember, this was the morning AFTER.... I took a shower, I had washed my hands a couple of times already...and then I rubbed my face....I was immediately blinded by pain and I couldn't open my right eye.....What the heck was going on here? Well the eye got better after flushing, but my hands felt like they were being cooked from the inside out! For 2 hours, I had to keep running to the sink to wash my hands and run them under cold water for relief, and my right hand and finger are still stiff and sore! Upon further investigation, (oh yeah, I don't follow directions very well either) you must, apparently, apply the capsaicin up to 4 times a day over a period of 1-3 weeks to get relief of stiff joints.....I think I'll pass for now....
I have decided that the only cool thing about me these days is my rosemary mint shampoo.....
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
I have no control whatsoever.....
"Why do you do these things to yourself?" That is the plaintive cry from the man who has loved me for almost 4 decades.....The only thing I can say is .....I really don't know. I have this thing that I do; I can't seem to sit calmly and let life happen. I have to pick at things until they bleed, I have to look under the rock, try the odd food, sniff the disgusting bottle of strange stuff that has been left in the fridge at work, ask the question no one else wants to ask.....I just CANNOT let well enough alone. I don't read directions (or follow them), I would rather figure it out myself. I gotta touch it, mess with it, pull it apart, and then make myself crazy when I can't figure it out or put it back together. I have to be the one to volunteer cause no one else is saying anything, even if I don't know the first thing about what I am taking on. This can be particularly dangerous in the work setting.
This week I have to start a master's program in project management (which I should have started 2 weeks ago), organize a trip, memorize a speech for a toastmasters contest, work on a clinical report that is trying my very soul, and soothe frazzled nerves on my team while at the same time trying to figure out what exactly I need to know to soothe them. For fun, I got back into a ladies league (bowling) on Tuesday nights.
You would think that with this type of personality, I would be some kind of genius that has discovered something.....anything......new, but I haven't.....however, I do have a few good stories, and a lot of good friends.
Being this way makes it extremely hard for me to quell my passions. I think this comes under the heading of self-mastery....I struggle with that.
I have been like this my whole life. If I hadn't made decisions early on about drinking, smoking, and other vices not good for the body or soul, I would have put myself in an early grave. I would have overindulged in them all. My mother used to say to me that I was "in love with being in love" when I was a teenager. She was so very right....I was very much in love when I was a teenager! Let me just say that I always took my daughters' "love interests" very seriously because I remember so vividly my own experiences as a young girl. What I felt seared through me like a hot fire and burned into my heart to stay forever.......that's not an exaggeration....really.....and it wasn't all physical reaction, (OK, a lot of it was physical reaction...) but it was tangled up with adoration and all of those wonderful feelings we call love...... I'm STILL in love with being in love. The men (plural, yes, I was, after all, in love with being in love!) I fell in love with were pretty fabulous, even though I was left with a badly broken heart on at least one occasion.....(To my children....you can now uncover your eyes and read on.)
I oftentimes am very aware of another part of me, the logical, common sense, moral, and ethical part of me, standing outside looking on in amazement and horror to the other part of me, the little child/bad girl part of me, the one that wants to run away, to indulge in things that are not allowed, to throw caution to the wind and envelope myself in every delightsome and pleasurable desire of which I can think. The logical, common sense, moral, and ethical self stands there being shocked and appalled at the thoughts that my child/bad girl self has devilishly conjured up in corporeal delight. I almost cannot reconcile these two people, but they are both so very much me.
For many years, I have had control, buried that rotten child and let the adult rule, but as of late, the child/bad girl has been trying to knock down the doors and escape, putting everything I have built over the years in disarray. (Note to my children: just let it go, everything is fine, really...this is a blog...I can write what I want to, I'm just ruminating, it comes with age....R&R..... rheumatism and ruminating......). I think this malady of introspection and extrovert is what keeps me intrigued in life, almost everything and everyone is interesting to me, I want to know about you and what you are.....and I will spill my guts about myself if you want to hear.
All I know is, I need the constant flow of energy that comes from everything around me. I know it's a love song, but, I'm just like the Aerosmith title, "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing".
This week I have to start a master's program in project management (which I should have started 2 weeks ago), organize a trip, memorize a speech for a toastmasters contest, work on a clinical report that is trying my very soul, and soothe frazzled nerves on my team while at the same time trying to figure out what exactly I need to know to soothe them. For fun, I got back into a ladies league (bowling) on Tuesday nights.
You would think that with this type of personality, I would be some kind of genius that has discovered something.....anything......new, but I haven't.....however, I do have a few good stories, and a lot of good friends.
Being this way makes it extremely hard for me to quell my passions. I think this comes under the heading of self-mastery....I struggle with that.
I have been like this my whole life. If I hadn't made decisions early on about drinking, smoking, and other vices not good for the body or soul, I would have put myself in an early grave. I would have overindulged in them all. My mother used to say to me that I was "in love with being in love" when I was a teenager. She was so very right....I was very much in love when I was a teenager! Let me just say that I always took my daughters' "love interests" very seriously because I remember so vividly my own experiences as a young girl. What I felt seared through me like a hot fire and burned into my heart to stay forever.......that's not an exaggeration....really.....and it wasn't all physical reaction, (OK, a lot of it was physical reaction...) but it was tangled up with adoration and all of those wonderful feelings we call love...... I'm STILL in love with being in love. The men (plural, yes, I was, after all, in love with being in love!) I fell in love with were pretty fabulous, even though I was left with a badly broken heart on at least one occasion.....(To my children....you can now uncover your eyes and read on.)
I oftentimes am very aware of another part of me, the logical, common sense, moral, and ethical part of me, standing outside looking on in amazement and horror to the other part of me, the little child/bad girl part of me, the one that wants to run away, to indulge in things that are not allowed, to throw caution to the wind and envelope myself in every delightsome and pleasurable desire of which I can think. The logical, common sense, moral, and ethical self stands there being shocked and appalled at the thoughts that my child/bad girl self has devilishly conjured up in corporeal delight. I almost cannot reconcile these two people, but they are both so very much me.
For many years, I have had control, buried that rotten child and let the adult rule, but as of late, the child/bad girl has been trying to knock down the doors and escape, putting everything I have built over the years in disarray. (Note to my children: just let it go, everything is fine, really...this is a blog...I can write what I want to, I'm just ruminating, it comes with age....R&R..... rheumatism and ruminating......). I think this malady of introspection and extrovert is what keeps me intrigued in life, almost everything and everyone is interesting to me, I want to know about you and what you are.....and I will spill my guts about myself if you want to hear.
All I know is, I need the constant flow of energy that comes from everything around me. I know it's a love song, but, I'm just like the Aerosmith title, "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing".
Monday, August 30, 2010
Walk softly or I'll hit you with my stick
I am in a really foul mood. I am not sure why.
While discussing something with my spouse today, I said:
Me: "I just don't want to be annoyed."
Him: "I don't think that is possible.....you have really been grouchy lately. Everything annoys you, including me."
Me:(Giving him the Death Stare) "I know."
Unfortunately, he is right........I admit it, I get on a tear, and I take it out on the people that don't deserve it because I can't take it out on the ones that do.
I don't even know why I am angry, I just am. (Well...not exactly true, I have some ideas...) I don't like it. It is hard to be pleasant when you feel like sluggin' everyone you talk to.
"Good morning! How are you?"
POW! Right in the kisser..... "Does THAT answer your stupid question?" How bad am I??
OK, I need to do some introspection and get this out of my system, but that is just annoying too. I don't care about touchy feely things when I am angry...Anger drives away the spirit, it drives away all good feelings; and I seem to wallow in it when it happens. Not a good thing, really....
Lots of times, I am not really angry, I am sad or upset or hurt, and these emotions manifest themselves as anger.......blah, blah, blah......who cares? I'm still mad and now I am annoying myself.
See what I mean? How does one extract themselves from a bad attitude? Don't bother giving me any advice, I don't want it. Don't say anything nice to me, I don't want to feel better. Leave me alone, I'll get over it eventually....... Remember Lon Chaney Jr. playing the werewolf? You know how he wanted to be locked up so he wouldn't hurt anyone? Yeah, that's how I need to be treated when I feel like this. The difference between him and me, however, is that I am not horrified at my transformation into a miserable creature; I would probably get pleasure out of biting your head off, BUT I have been conditioned in socially acceptable behavior. I will look at you and answer your questions civilly. I will not snarl or tell you that you are ignorant, nor will I engage in sarcastic response. (Sarcastic THOUGHT maybe, but not sarcastic response.) No need to make everyone around me feel as miserable as I do.....might want to but don't need to.
OK, positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts........Not working, not working, not working.....I'm just gonna let the werewolf out tonight.....I'll lock myself in.
While discussing something with my spouse today, I said:
Me: "I just don't want to be annoyed."
Him: "I don't think that is possible.....you have really been grouchy lately. Everything annoys you, including me."
Me:(Giving him the Death Stare) "I know."
Unfortunately, he is right........I admit it, I get on a tear, and I take it out on the people that don't deserve it because I can't take it out on the ones that do.
I don't even know why I am angry, I just am. (Well...not exactly true, I have some ideas...) I don't like it. It is hard to be pleasant when you feel like sluggin' everyone you talk to.
"Good morning! How are you?"
POW! Right in the kisser..... "Does THAT answer your stupid question?" How bad am I??
OK, I need to do some introspection and get this out of my system, but that is just annoying too. I don't care about touchy feely things when I am angry...Anger drives away the spirit, it drives away all good feelings; and I seem to wallow in it when it happens. Not a good thing, really....
Lots of times, I am not really angry, I am sad or upset or hurt, and these emotions manifest themselves as anger.......blah, blah, blah......who cares? I'm still mad and now I am annoying myself.
See what I mean? How does one extract themselves from a bad attitude? Don't bother giving me any advice, I don't want it. Don't say anything nice to me, I don't want to feel better. Leave me alone, I'll get over it eventually....... Remember Lon Chaney Jr. playing the werewolf? You know how he wanted to be locked up so he wouldn't hurt anyone? Yeah, that's how I need to be treated when I feel like this. The difference between him and me, however, is that I am not horrified at my transformation into a miserable creature; I would probably get pleasure out of biting your head off, BUT I have been conditioned in socially acceptable behavior. I will look at you and answer your questions civilly. I will not snarl or tell you that you are ignorant, nor will I engage in sarcastic response. (Sarcastic THOUGHT maybe, but not sarcastic response.) No need to make everyone around me feel as miserable as I do.....might want to but don't need to.
OK, positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts........Not working, not working, not working.....I'm just gonna let the werewolf out tonight.....I'll lock myself in.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
It feels good on my tongue...
Lugubrious.........that is my word for today. It is one of my favorite words.......It feels good when I speak it....I like the way it sounds...it seems lazy and rolling as it comes off my tongue......
It's an adjective.......What does it mean? It means mournful...not JUST mournful, but mournful in an exaggerated way....forlorn, dismal, an affected loss.......
"Her inner pain showed through in the lugubrious expression on her face; it was pronounced by the slump of her shoulders, the agony in her eyes, and the tremor in her voice. There was no getting past the bittersweet memory of her lost love."
OOOOOO....maybe I should write a book around those sentences...Nah......love stories are boring.....too dramatic.....I would probably write the book in 2 sentences, the one above and this one:
"Her lifelong friend came to her side gently placing her hand upon her shoulder. Swiftly reaching up, she slapped her on the back of her head and said: 'Get OVER yourself would you! Geez...'"
THAT'S reality......
It's an adjective.......What does it mean? It means mournful...not JUST mournful, but mournful in an exaggerated way....forlorn, dismal, an affected loss.......
"Her inner pain showed through in the lugubrious expression on her face; it was pronounced by the slump of her shoulders, the agony in her eyes, and the tremor in her voice. There was no getting past the bittersweet memory of her lost love."
OOOOOO....maybe I should write a book around those sentences...Nah......love stories are boring.....too dramatic.....I would probably write the book in 2 sentences, the one above and this one:
"Her lifelong friend came to her side gently placing her hand upon her shoulder. Swiftly reaching up, she slapped her on the back of her head and said: 'Get OVER yourself would you! Geez...'"
THAT'S reality......
Monday, August 23, 2010
Do you know where my _____is/are?
Fill in the blank...........
- keys
- badge
- laptop
- stethoscope
- shoes
- GPS
- purse
- camera
- phone
- pager
- glasses (not usually; I really need them to see, so they are usually close by)
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, do not lecture me on how I should put things in the same place so that I know where they are when I need them. I know all about that, and I have done it. In fact, I put my badge by the door when I come home so I know where it is when I leave for work again.......at least when I REMEMBER to do that. I just have a lot of things roaming around in my head and when I put something down, it just doesn't register......I have to register it to remember......
The worst part is that I get soooo angry when I can't find something that it makes my head hurt. I have been known to throw things and yell......My husband used to say to the kids "Run!! Mom is on the warpath, she can't find something!" They said I did it when I cleaned the house too....I don't remember that....I choose not to remember that.......It's enough that I doubted my motherly instincts as it was, and that I have often felt that I fell short when raising my children....I don't want to add screaming for no good reason to my list of things about which to feel guilty....
I have gotten better, about the anger, not about losing things. Whenever I would get so mad that pets quivered in the corner and children hid under their beds and then I found the offending object, I would immediately feel terrible about being so angry. Then I would have to repent for being out of control, apologize to everybody, and take back the accusations that everyone was trying to make me go crazy by moving my stuff.......Now I realize that it was my dear sweet husband who has been trying to drive me crazy all of these years......It HAS to be him, he's the only one left in the house......I can say that because he never reads this blog. He doesn't read the blog because he is:
- not interested
- doesn't know what a blog is
- doesn't know where a blog might be
- not sure why we have a computer in the first place except to play Free Cell
So I can pretty much blame him and be safe.....unless one of the kids tells him, which I am sure they probably will, but I will deny it, and he will just shrug his shoulders and he STILL won't read the blog....Not that I really want him to read it......Here is the probable conversation if he did:
Me: "Well, what did you think?"
Him: "About what?
Me: "What do you mean about what? The blog, that's what!"
Him: "It was OK."
Me: "Just OK?"
Him: "Yeah, OK"
Me: "That's all you have to say?"
Him: "What do you want me to say?"
Me: "Well, I expected a little more than just OK."
Him: "OK, it was great."
Me: "Don't patronize me."
Him: "I don't know what to say, it was OK, it was great."
Me: "Thank you for your detailed review."
I have more of a critique for him when he gets his hair cut.
But back to losing things....I won't say that things actually get LOST, although I AM on my third GPS.....I have the holder for the last one, but the GPS itself is just gone. I really think it got lifted from my car when I was on call one night, but I probably should have locked the car before I ran off, and it's my own fault. Anytime something gets stolen, I think maybe the person that stole it may need it more than me...helps with the acceptance.
My car keys are the worst. I have to remember where they are EVERY SINGLE MORNING when I am getting ready to leave for work, but I aways find them, so lost wouldn't be the operative word, just mislaid, I guess.
I know that if I spent any time sitting in the car after I got home that they are probably in the ignition the next morning. That's almost 100% right; if I made a call, sent a text, tried to get myself together before going in, or just wanted to sit alone, I can almost guarantee that I will leave the keys in the ignition. One of these mornings my car will be gone (Please, Please, I need a new one!)
No one will look on my desk, or my dresser, or in my room in general.....for anything....I have to do that myself. No one wants to touch any of these sacred places or move paperwork because I will inevitably accuse someone of taking something.
I then start spouting the words of my mother (dreadful!)
Me: "Well, they just can't sprout legs and walk away!!!!"
OR, when I used to enlist help from children.
Them: "Mom! we can't find it!!"
Me: "Look with your eyes and not with your mouth!"
Of course, I always get the same question "Where did you have it last?" I just want to give them my laser of death look, because if I remembered what I did 30 seconds ago, I would be way ahead of myself on a daily basis.
I have lost interest in my iPhone, so now I will probably not know where it is most of the time and it will probably be dead more than charged. The worst part is that there was a time when I knew where EVERYTHING was in my house. I was able to keep it clean and orderly.
"Where's the black ladle?" "In the third drawer down on the right hand side beside the long wooden spoon." "Where is the furniture spray?" "In the cupboard above the washer on the second shelf next to the scrubbing bubbles." I haven't done a thorough house cleaning in so long that now I get asked "Where exactly is the living room?" "I don't know, It used to be on the right when you walked in the front door." It's DISTURBING...Everywhere around me I see evidence of my failure in something.
Now when I can't find something, I just sigh and go without it. (For the most part...I DO on occasion still yell and throw things...I am a passionate woman, what can I say?) If I lose my keys, I use the spare one, if I lose the GPS, I use my iPhone, If I lose the iPhone, I pull out the map, If I lose my badge, I get a new one, without FAIL, anything I replace turns up somewhere, eventually. (Except the GPS...the most expensive thing, of course).
Before I bought my iPhone, I had a Blackberry...I could not find the in-house charger ANYWHERE....I looked and looked and looked......I also could not find my car charger for the last lost GPS so I bought new ones.........TWO months after buying the iPhone, and having given up on the charger for the Blackberry, I found, plugged into a wall in my family room, IN PLAIN SIGHT, was my in-house charger for the Blackberry. You cannot convince me that someone was NOT messing with my head......and I have about 6 car and in-house chargers laying around for things I now cannot find.....I'm not even sure if I owned anything that could take a charge from them. (That is the subject of another blog....WHY does everything use a different type of charger?)
That whole list at the top?? I have lost them and found them at least 50 times a piece, but I still think someone is trying to gaslight me.....
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