Ma's Place

Do I need an intervention?

2011-02-09T21:49:00.001-05:00

Ever seen "Hoarders"??? You know those shows where the people have kept everything for the last 50 years without throwing out anything? I think I have a touch...and I think I am an electronic hoarder too... I have 1060 emails in my inbox right now......and I just emptied a lot out. I have 106 sub-folders with anywhere from 5 to over a hundred emails in each of them. I think there is something wrong with that......I think. I have 258 unread emails........What the heck do I think I am going to miss if I just hit delete?

It's kind of like I have this history in email and maybe someday I'm going to put it together.....kind of like the boxes of stuff in the basement that I'm going to put together of my kids...You know, their school stuff and all....... Did I mention that my oldest child will be 32 next week? My youngest will be 23 next month.... but I think I'm going to get organized....maybe this spring......it could be a good retirement project, if I ever retire. Don't see that happening anytime soon.....Maybe I could hire someone?? My sweet husband wants to toss it all...."Just throw it away!! It's junk!" He doesn't understand...I have to let it go a little at a time.

Macaroni Christmas trees made in first grade, homework assignments with an "A" in bold red, Valentine hearts with "I Love You Mommy"....I can let the macaroni Christmas trees go.....(but that's a little bit of history now that we don't say "Christmas" in schools anymore!!! So maybe I should hold on to that!) Maybe I could get rid of the homework, maybe...the Valentine's?? By the time I get to them, I'm sitting in the middle of the floor wanting my babies back...then, of course, I can't throw away anything...I just have to come back to it and try again later.....

I will say that most of my pictures are organized, but many are not in albums..which brings me to digitizing, I want to digitize and organize and burn a CD of every hairdo I have ever had (which have been MANY) I could call it the history of my hair.....and there have been some pretty awful hair styles.....but mostly I want my progeny to know who the people ARE in the pictures. I remember growing up and having boxes full of pictures not knowing who most of them were. Mom would name them all off while I tried to capture it on the back, but there are still many more I don't know than what I do know. There is nothing sadder than going to an auction and seeing old family pictures......I always wonder who they were and why are they here being auctioned off in boxes of frames....hmmmm, probably hoarders who died with all their projects yet to do.....

Need a date?

2010-12-26T23:24:00.000-05:00

OK, I haven't posted in awhile...I've been busy.....you know holidays and everything...stress at work, sitting in the dark pouting over things I cannot change....(What, you don't do that?)

Anyway, I have noticed lately that I have been getting these spam (I can only hope it's spam) emails trying to get me out on the dating scene.....You read that right, email that wants to match me up with someone local, "See pictures of local singles!" But that's not what upsets me. What upsets me is the fact that all of these email solicitations are for local SENIORS.....Well, I guess what SHOULD upset me is the fact that I am not single, so I shouldn't be looking for anyone, but REALLY now, do I have that much personal information out there that they know if I AM looking, I should be looking out for a hotty with a walker??

The one I got today declares " A Local Senior Single Wants to Join You This Holiday!!" For What?? A bed bath?? Will I be clipping toenails?? Cleaning dentures?? Helping them feed themselves?? Do they know I am a nurse?

OK OK I may be a little more touchy than I should be, but for crying out loud, I certainly don't consider myself a "Senior". I don't get a senior discount yet.....that should count for something. And where the heck WAS I online to become the target of these lovely invitations? And why do they assume I am in need of a date? I am a woman over 50, I guess I should be divorced or widowed at this point.....I can find my own dates thank you very much..... if I was single.... if I wanted to.....I think.....but I don't have to so I'm gonna stop thinking about it......I'll probably forget anyway, my memory isn't what it used to be.....

Yeah, you are right!

2010-10-17T19:42:00.000-04:00

My daughters said "Mom!!" An 'ageless wild horse'??? What the hell does that mean???

Hmmmmm.... when I said it out loud, I actually snort laughed again. That does sound pretty stupid. I was waxing poetic, I guess, and it didn't quite work. Especially since I am not anything close to a poet. If you look at the post again, you will see that I did a strikethrough. My point was, I don't feel old on the inside, I only look old on the outside.

Thanks girls for helping me keep it real, your mother can be pretty simple at times...but I guess I don't have to tell you that.

You Gotta Biga Facea

2010-10-15T11:54:00.013-04:00

So, I am OK with getting older…..really I am. My essence, or spirit as I would believe, has no age. Inside this body that is no longer firm, elastic, or attractive to the common passerby, is an ~~ageless wild horse~~…..(No, not an old gray mare, I SAID a wild horse.....) Thankfully no one is going to shoot me if I go lame. (At least no one under our current healthcare structure…)

But did I really have to buy that magnifying mirror at Costco?? It’s freaking big and magnifies 8 times the normal size. Did I really want to see every flaw in this face? My pores look like soup bowls, my skin has 23 different colors, my eyelids look like plastic bags that have carried around one too many apples, my nose is in the way of everything, and my crow’s feet look more like ostrich claws.

Well, of course the answer to that question is no, in fact, I got it for another gross reason. I got it cause I have to tweeze these stupid hairs off my chin….and neck….and jawline….I am thinking laser removal, but I have heard it doesn’t work on my type of non-pigmented hair….that’s gray hair for all of you that need a better description.

I don’t know, I spent a lot of years being overweight….. I couldn't get rid of the baby fat…..I mean my youngest is ONLY 23 years old. But now that I am down to an almost normal weight, I don’t have anything to go with it, except an old face…..8 times bigger than I imagined.

Is it too late to have everything lifted, trimmed, sucked, nipped, lowered, raised, plumped, botoxed, contoured, and bronzed to a healthy glow, or will I get more mileage out of the cool granny look? Maybe I should go for the mature and wise woman image, but I snort when I think of that. Snort laughing is not conducive to the mature and wise woman image. I am more the “Let’s go karaoke sober and see how many drunks we can convince that I am REALLY Dolly Parton’s cousin!” Snort….Snort… (No, it doesn’t take much to amuse me)

But if I did get everything “reconditioned”, what good would that do? Who’s gonna see it but me? Better yet, who’s gonna be INTERESTED in seeing it but me? Yes, I am married, but let’s just say that I could come home in a clown suit with my head shaved and the only reaction I would get would be “Anything interesting happen today?”

So, I’ll keep the mirror, soup bowl pores and all….at least I won’t have whiskers…..

Cool or Clod?

2010-09-25T01:01:00.001-04:00

Since I have been writing this blog, I have become more and more unsettling to myself. There was a time when I would have described me as: professional, unaffected by pressure, determined, focused, and might I even add, a little cool.

I am now beginning to think, however, that it might be difficult for me to go through an entire day without drooling all over myself. Professional has gone to lack of control, pressure keeps me in bed too late cause I don't want to face the day, determined has gone to I don't give a crap, what used to be focus is now the attention span of a 2 year old, and my cool factor has gone to clod factor.....

Two weeks ago, out on a call, I went to my car to get supplies to dress a wound. It was 4 in the morning and I tossed my keys in the trunk as I was rummaging around, thinking that I needed to move a few things out when I had time....as I slammed my trunk, I immediately knew that my keys were still on the inside. It wouldn't have been so bad if my car had been unlocked, I could of just popped the trunk from the inside, but I had locked my car on the way in to see my patient. I almost NEVER lock my car....of COURSE I am going to do it when I leave the keys in the trunk. This was the 3rd time since May that I have had to call my husband out of bed to come rescue me from my own stupid self. He is such a patient man.....I can take credit for that.......I have tried him over and over again, and he just keeps coming back for more. I am not sure what the attraction is, but I am glad it works for him. I don't even cook, for cryin out loud....All he said was "You know, you shouldn't put your keys in the trunk like that, it's very easy to lock them in there if you do." Am I that oblivious to the obvious that he needs to tell me that??? Geez....One of the times he came to rescue me I thought I had locked my keys in the car. I couldn't find them anywhere, it was dark, I couldn't see into the car, I had emptied out my bag and had come up with nothing. When he came and unlocked the car, (hmmmm maybe I DO lock it more than I thought)...the keys were not on the inside either. Another dumping of the bag found the keys buried in a crevice under my blood pressure cuff. Sorry about that....but it was only a little after 11:00 that time.

As I look over my blogs, I see that I am grouchy, over-extended, rude, self-centered, vain, critical, insensitive......anyone want to stop me here? Oh well..... and I'm not too bright either...as you will see in the following example.

I started bowling again recently after several years away and my right hand and ring finger have been stiff and sore. I thought that it would work itself out, but last night, I decided that I would use some "herbal muscle massage" that contains capsaicin and menthol; kind of a potent Ben Gay, if you will. Capsaicin, as you will remember, is what makes chili peppers hot. It burns, people. However, I can eat very hot things, and believe me, if my insides can take it, why not my tough old hands? So after the first application, I decided that the heat from the capsaicin and the cool from the menthol was not quite enough, so I applied a second coating. I used it like a hand cream rather than a targeted topical medication to the areas that were painful.....Yeah, I know that wasn't too smart now. Here's the weird thing though, it really didn't bother me until this morning when I was slathering body lotion on my legs and arms (I really need to drink more water to keep my skin in better condition, but I hate water)....I don't know if this act triggered an exothermic event, but my hands started to feel like they were on fire. Now remember, this was the morning AFTER.... I took a shower, I had washed my hands a couple of times already...and then I rubbed my face....I was immediately blinded by pain and I couldn't open my right eye.....What the heck was going on here? Well the eye got better after flushing, but my hands felt like they were being cooked from the inside out! For 2 hours, I had to keep running to the sink to wash my hands and run them under cold water for relief, and my right hand and finger are still stiff and sore! Upon further investigation, (oh yeah, I don't follow directions very well either) you must, apparently, apply the capsaicin up to 4 times a day over a period of 1-3 weeks to get relief of stiff joints.....I think I'll pass for now....

I have decided that the only cool thing about me these days is my rosemary mint shampoo.....

I have no control whatsoever.....

2010-09-15T22:15:00.000-04:00

"Why do you do these things to yourself?" That is the plaintive cry from the man who has loved me for almost 4 decades.....The only thing I can say is .....I really don't know. I have this thing that I do; I can't seem to sit calmly and let life happen. I have to pick at things until they bleed, I have to look under the rock, try the odd food, sniff the disgusting bottle of strange stuff that has been left in the fridge at work, ask the question no one else wants to ask.....I just CANNOT let well enough alone. I don't read directions (or follow them), I would rather figure it out myself. I gotta touch it, mess with it, pull it apart, and then make myself crazy when I can't figure it out or put it back together. I have to be the one to volunteer cause no one else is saying anything, even if I don't know the first thing about what I am taking on. This can be particularly dangerous in the work setting.

This week I have to start a master's program in project management (which I should have started 2 weeks ago), organize a trip, memorize a speech for a toastmasters contest, work on a clinical report that is trying my very soul, and soothe frazzled nerves on my team while at the same time trying to figure out what exactly I need to know to soothe them. For fun, I got back into a ladies league (bowling) on Tuesday nights.

You would think that with this type of personality, I would be some kind of genius that has discovered something.....anything......new, but I haven't.....however, I do have a few good stories, and a lot of good friends.

Being this way makes it extremely hard for me to quell my passions. I think this comes under the heading of self-mastery....I struggle with that.

I have been like this my whole life. If I hadn't made decisions early on about drinking, smoking, and other vices not good for the body or soul, I would have put myself in an early grave. I would have overindulged in them all. My mother used to say to me that I was "in love with being in love" when I was a teenager. She was so very right....I was very much in love when I was a teenager! Let me just say that I always took my daughters' "love interests" very seriously because I remember so vividly my own experiences as a young girl. What I felt seared through me like a hot fire and burned into my heart to stay forever.......that's not an exaggeration....really.....and it wasn't all physical reaction, (OK, a lot of it was physical reaction...) but it was tangled up with adoration and all of those wonderful feelings we call love...... I'm STILL in love with being in love. The men (plural, yes, I was, after all, in love with being in love!) I fell in love with were pretty fabulous, even though I was left with a badly broken heart on at least one occasion.....(To my children....you can now uncover your eyes and read on.)

I oftentimes am very aware of another part of me, the logical, common sense, moral, and ethical part of me, standing outside looking on in amazement and horror to the other part of me, the little child/bad girl part of me, the one that wants to run away, to indulge in things that are not allowed, to throw caution to the wind and envelope myself in every delightsome and pleasurable desire of which I can think. The logical, common sense, moral, and ethical self stands there being shocked and appalled at the thoughts that my child/bad girl self has devilishly conjured up in corporeal delight. I almost cannot reconcile these two people, but they are both so very much me.

For many years, I have had control, buried that rotten child and let the adult rule, but as of late, the child/bad girl has been trying to knock down the doors and escape, putting everything I have built over the years in disarray. (Note to my children: just let it go, everything is fine, really...this is a blog...I can write what I want to, I'm just ruminating, it comes with age....R&R..... rheumatism and ruminating......). I think this malady of introspection and extrovert is what keeps me intrigued in life, almost everything and everyone is interesting to me, I want to know about you and what you are.....and I will spill my guts about myself if you want to hear.

All I know is, I need the constant flow of energy that comes from everything around me. I know it's a love song, but, I'm just like the Aerosmith title, "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing".

Walk softly or I'll hit you with my stick

2010-08-30T13:30:00.005-04:00

I am in a really foul mood. I am not sure why.

While discussing something with my spouse today, I said:

Me: "I just don't want to be annoyed."

Him: "I don't think that is possible.....you have really been grouchy lately. Everything annoys you, including me."

Me:(Giving him the Death Stare) "I know."

Unfortunately, he is right........I admit it, I get on a tear, and I take it out on the people that don't deserve it because I can't take it out on the ones that do.

I don't even know why I am angry, I just am. (Well...not exactly true, I have some ideas...) I don't like it. It is hard to be pleasant when you feel like sluggin' everyone you talk to.

"Good morning! How are you?"

POW! Right in the kisser..... "Does THAT answer your stupid question?" How bad am I??

OK, I need to do some introspection and get this out of my system, but that is just annoying too. I don't care about touchy feely things when I am angry...Anger drives away the spirit, it drives away all good feelings; and I seem to wallow in it when it happens. Not a good thing, really....

Lots of times, I am not really angry, I am sad or upset or hurt, and these emotions manifest themselves as anger.......blah, blah, blah......who cares? I'm still mad and now I am annoying myself.

See what I mean? How does one extract themselves from a bad attitude? Don't bother giving me any advice, I don't want it. Don't say anything nice to me, I don't want to feel better. Leave me alone, I'll get over it eventually....... Remember Lon Chaney Jr. playing the werewolf? You know how he wanted to be locked up so he wouldn't hurt anyone? Yeah, that's how I need to be treated when I feel like this. The difference between him and me, however, is that I am not horrified at my transformation into a miserable creature; I would probably get pleasure out of biting your head off, BUT I have been conditioned in socially acceptable behavior. I will look at you and answer your questions civilly. I will not snarl or tell you that you are ignorant, nor will I engage in sarcastic response. (Sarcastic THOUGHT maybe, but not sarcastic response.) No need to make everyone around me feel as miserable as I do.....might want to but don't need to.

OK, positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts........Not working, not working, not working.....I'm just gonna let the werewolf out tonight.....I'll lock myself in.

It feels good on my tongue...

2010-08-28T14:12:00.005-04:00

Lugubrious.........that is my word for today. It is one of my favorite words.......It feels good when I speak it....I like the way it sounds...it seems lazy and rolling as it comes off my tongue......

It's an adjective.......What does it mean? It means mournful...not JUST mournful, but mournful in an exaggerated way....forlorn, dismal, an affected loss.......

"Her inner pain showed through in the lugubrious expression on her face; it was pronounced by the slump of her shoulders, the agony in her eyes, and the tremor in her voice. There was no getting past the bittersweet memory of her lost love."

OOOOOO....maybe I should write a book around those sentences...Nah......love stories are boring.....too dramatic.....I would probably write the book in 2 sentences, the one above and this one:

"Her lifelong friend came to her side gently placing her hand upon her shoulder. Swiftly reaching up, she slapped her on the back of her head and said: 'Get OVER yourself would you! Geez...'"

THAT'S reality......

Do you know where my _____is/are?

2010-08-23T11:14:00.001-04:00

Fill in the blank...........

keys
badge
laptop
stethoscope
shoes
GPS
purse
camera
phone
pager
glasses (not usually; I really need them to see, so they are usually close by)

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, do not lecture me on how I should put things in the same place so that I know where they are when I need them. I know all about that, and I have done it. In fact, I put my badge by the door when I come home so I know where it is when I leave for work again.......at least when I REMEMBER to do that. I just have a lot of things roaming around in my head and when I put something down, it just doesn't register......I have to register it to remember......

The worst part is that I get soooo angry when I can't find something that it makes my head hurt. I have been known to throw things and yell......My husband used to say to the kids "Run!! Mom is on the warpath, she can't find something!" They said I did it when I cleaned the house too....I don't remember that....I choose not to remember that.......It's enough that I doubted my motherly instincts as it was, and that I have often felt that I fell short when raising my children....I don't want to add screaming for no good reason to my list of things about which to feel guilty....

I have gotten better, about the anger, not about losing things. Whenever I would get so mad that pets quivered in the corner and children hid under their beds and then I found the offending object, I would immediately feel terrible about being so angry. Then I would have to repent for being out of control, apologize to everybody, and take back the accusations that everyone was trying to make me go crazy by moving my stuff.......Now I realize that it was my dear sweet husband who has been trying to drive me crazy all of these years......It HAS to be him, he's the only one left in the house......I can say that because he never reads this blog. He doesn't read the blog because he is:

not interested

doesn't know what a blog is

doesn't know where a blog might be

not sure why we have a computer in the first place except to play Free Cell

So I can pretty much blame him and be safe.....unless one of the kids tells him, which I am sure they probably will, but I will deny it, and he will just shrug his shoulders and he STILL won't read the blog....Not that I really want him to read it......Here is the probable conversation if he did:

Me: "Well, what did you think?"

Him: "About what?

Me: "What do you mean about what? The blog, that's what!"

Him: "It was OK."

Me: "Just OK?"

Him: "Yeah, OK"

Me: "That's all you have to say?"

Him: "What do you want me to say?"

Me: "Well, I expected a little more than just OK."

Him: "OK, it was great."

Me: "Don't patronize me."

Him: "I don't know what to say, it was OK, it was great."

Me: "Thank you for your detailed review."

I have more of a critique for him when he gets his hair cut.

But back to losing things....I won't say that things actually get LOST, although I AM on my third GPS.....I have the holder for the last one, but the GPS itself is just gone. I really think it got lifted from my car when I was on call one night, but I probably should have locked the car before I ran off, and it's my own fault. Anytime something gets stolen, I think maybe the person that stole it may need it more than me...helps with the acceptance.

My car keys are the worst. I have to remember where they are EVERY SINGLE MORNING when I am getting ready to leave for work, but I aways find them, so lost wouldn't be the operative word, just mislaid, I guess.

I know that if I spent any time sitting in the car after I got home that they are probably in the ignition the next morning. That's almost 100% right; if I made a call, sent a text, tried to get myself together before going in, or just wanted to sit alone, I can almost guarantee that I will leave the keys in the ignition. One of these mornings my car will be gone (Please, Please, I need a new one!)

No one will look on my desk, or my dresser, or in my room in general.....for anything....I have to do that myself. No one wants to touch any of these sacred places or move paperwork because I will inevitably accuse someone of taking something.

I then start spouting the words of my mother (dreadful!)

Me: "Well, they just can't sprout legs and walk away!!!!"

OR, when I used to enlist help from children.

Them: "Mom! we can't find it!!"

Me: "Look with your eyes and not with your mouth!"

Of course, I always get the same question "Where did you have it last?" I just want to give them my laser of death look, because if I remembered what I did 30 seconds ago, I would be way ahead of myself on a daily basis.

I have lost interest in my iPhone, so now I will probably not know where it is most of the time and it will probably be dead more than charged. The worst part is that there was a time when I knew where EVERYTHING was in my house. I was able to keep it clean and orderly.

"Where's the black ladle?" "In the third drawer down on the right hand side beside the long wooden spoon." "Where is the furniture spray?" "In the cupboard above the washer on the second shelf next to the scrubbing bubbles." I haven't done a thorough house cleaning in so long that now I get asked "Where exactly is the living room?" "I don't know, It used to be on the right when you walked in the front door." It's DISTURBING...Everywhere around me I see evidence of my failure in something.

Now when I can't find something, I just sigh and go without it. (For the most part...I DO on occasion still yell and throw things...I am a passionate woman, what can I say?) If I lose my keys, I use the spare one, if I lose the GPS, I use my iPhone, If I lose the iPhone, I pull out the map, If I lose my badge, I get a new one, without FAIL, anything I replace turns up somewhere, eventually. (Except the GPS...the most expensive thing, of course).

Before I bought my iPhone, I had a Blackberry...I could not find the in-house charger ANYWHERE....I looked and looked and looked......I also could not find my car charger for the last lost GPS so I bought new ones.........TWO months after buying the iPhone, and having given up on the charger for the Blackberry, I found, plugged into a wall in my family room, IN PLAIN SIGHT, was my in-house charger for the Blackberry. You cannot convince me that someone was NOT messing with my head......and I have about 6 car and in-house chargers laying around for things I now cannot find.....I'm not even sure if I owned anything that could take a charge from them. (That is the subject of another blog....WHY does everything use a different type of charger?)

That whole list at the top?? I have lost them and found them at least 50 times a piece, but I still think someone is trying to gaslight me.....

Did I REALLY Do That?

2010-08-21T08:39:00.004-04:00

Have you ever just made an interaction so uncomfortable that you wish the earth would fall away beneath your feet? You know, made it look like you were an idiot, a stalker, a Jerry Springer guest?

Me: "Hello! Quasimodo is the name? Oh! I see something on your back; can I straighten that out for you? Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was a hump...I mean, it looks fine, I hardly noticed...I had an aunt with a hump once....I LOVE that aunt....I LOVE your hump....I love YOU! Will you marry me?"

I mean, how do you get from hello to total meltdown in 30 seconds? How do you get from relatively intelligent to bumbling idiot in microseconds? The worst part is the person to which you have shown your ignorance walks away with a GREAT first impression.

Quasimodo: "Victor, I know we are friends, but could you please make sure I don't EVER see that person again, she is scary....and I KNOW scary!"

Now, add that to the fact that every time you see or talk to this person again, you become that same idiot over and over again so that now you are growing.....ad infinitum.......that first impression to a body of knowledge that makes you look like a total ass.....

And how do you fix it???? What I really want to say is, "You know, that isn't me....... really, I don't usually say things like that.....honestly,......I just got caught up in the moment.....ANYTHING to erase what happened and start all over again at hello.....hoping that I don't blow it all over again.....Maybe if I just say "Can we start all over again at hello?" that will work?

Life is interesting. These moments keep you humble....or humiliated.....take your pick.

What A Way To End The Day

2010-08-19T06:40:00.004-04:00

Last night....

Kevin: "Mom-Mom?"

Me: "Yes, my baby?"

Kevin: "Can I lay with you?"

Me: "Of course! Come here."

Kevin: "Mom-Mom?"

Me: "Yes?"

Kevin: "You're beautiful."

May have to reconisder giving him that second Milky Way bar............

Bonding Moments.....

2010-08-18T10:33:00.003-04:00

Alright......I am watching two of my grandsons for the next 3 days. No problem, right? Mom-mom and Pop-pop's house is a great place to stay! I do have toys and stuff, and a Wii...they love the Wii.... I raised 4 kids, I can do this....

Nathan is 5 and Kevin will be 4 on August 30th ....my little tow-headed babes, they are my joy.....let's hope it stays that way.

Not that I anticipate any difficult times, it's just that when my youngest child was a little girl, at the first sign of screaming over something, I would open my mouth and the older 3 would say "I know, give her what she wants." It was just easier, ya know? She turned out alright.....

So Mommy and Daddy are pulling out of the driveway and Kevin is crying.......Awww..... is he missing them already??

"What's the matter, buddy?'

"I want to watch the movie from the beginning." Nathan was watching Spiderman 3....

"I think we can do that." Give him what he wants..........So far so good.....

Failure to Fitness

2010-08-16T22:12:00.009-04:00

OK, OK, OK, I really want to do this. I want to get healthy, I want to be fit....and I have come a long way, but NOW I have to put forth effort that is, quite frankly, making me wonder WHY I want those things.......I mean, I feel great, I get sick very seldom, I'm eating better (well, I have good days and bad)...and I can still walk around without assistance. I have good genes! Grandparents living into their mid to late 80's and parents in their 80s now! I can cover up most of the body flaws with the right types of clothes, and I will never be asked to grace the front of a fashion magazine.......So WHY do the words "Toning, Strengthening, and Cardio" fall off my tongue to the fitness trainer like butter off a hot knife?

I went for my fitness evaluation. Cardio, flexibility, strength, weight, BMI, the whole thing. He (that would be the trainer, we'll call him EB for privacy sake, E standing for 'evil') didn't give me a score, but, he said there was no pass or fail........How can NOT being able to do ONE push up NOT be failure??? I was, however, able to do quite a few crunches....(that was the sound of my body, not the actual sit-up thing.) They told me to come back a week later for my program......Why so long? Do they sit around a conference table and decide how they will inflict pain in the most efficient way? So I came back this past Friday. Really, don't you think I would have known better than to go for something like that on a day OTHER than Friday the 13th.......?

So I walk into the fitness center, which, let me just digress here a bit, is subsidized by my employer...we are encouraged to utilize it and make our lives healthier...the food they serve in the cafeteria has all gone "light" and for a while there was no chocolate in the vending machines......that had to have been a man's idea.....I think that practice ended when women looking for chocolate began roaming in packs.......

To EB I say: "You're not going to hurt me are you?" Now, I meant that as a joke, you know, just kidding around, icebreaker thing.............but, he HESITATED...oh, it was only a fraction of a second, but it was there. Then he said, "Well, you may be a little sore tomorrow." I should have bolted for the door that moment. Instead, I fought back tears as I changed into my new workout clothes. New clothes that just may have been a little more spandexy than I anticipated; however it does kind of hold everything in place. All I can say is, if you can't handle the spandex, get out of the fitness center....

So with a smile (did I detect a hint of cruel pleasure in his eyes?) EB asked me what my goals were. I wanted to say, "I would like to wake up tomorrow morning looking like Beyonce." but I thought that may sound a little crazy coming from a 56 year old white woman..... AND I wasn't sure if he would get it.....I mean after all, he HESITATED on that last attempt at humor. So, I kept it straight and told him that I would like to tone, strengthen, and improve my cardio function.

Next question: "Would you like an ENTIRE body workout? (Now I know there was some kind of devil's gleam in his eye!) Me: "Yes, I would like that!" Positive AND enthusiastic, I don't know, I think there was some kind of mojo going on here that comes on when there is the smell of spandex in the air, or maybe mine was so tight, the circulation to my brain had slowed.

So you know what, you have to warm up, and you warm up on your choice of cardio equipment. I made the mistake of letting EB choose my equipment. Would it be a treadmill or a bike? Oooooohhhhhh nnnnnoooo HE thinks I should do some time on an elliptical machine; was he concerned for low impact, or just plain evil? Did I not go through these same motions in the spinning class? The difference here is that I can monitor my heart rate on the equipment. EB tells me that if my heart rate gets over 165, to slow it down, and to come get him after I am warmed up. Well, 4 minutes in, my heart rate is 170 and my legs feel like jelly....... 4 minutes, folks, 4 minutes.....and I was going for 5. Isn't that just pitiful?? My regular warm up should be 20 minutes before doing the strength training.....Nothing like feeling defeated before I even begin.

The worst part, though, is I see EB sitting behind the desk 50 feet away. How am I going to walk over there?? How am I going to do anything else?? Do I fake a heart attack?? Would that be less embarrassing than crawling from the elliptical to the desk?? Seriously, my legs were buckling...it took everything I had to not fall when I was stepping off the stupid thing....... So, sucking it up, I put one foot in front of the other and begin the walk......with every other step I faltered, reaching down to grab the nearest piece of equipment hoping people wouldn't notice the old lady....in spandex....walking like a drunk......

Oh, but the best was yet to come. EB now would attach me to one piece of equipment after another starting with the press.......did he NOT know that my legs and thighs were pleading for mercy? The press.......at 60 pounds. Just to get ON the thing I had to bend my legs to my chest until I could rest my chin on my knees; how is that ever a graceful move?? "You should do 20 reps." After about 12, he reached over and pushed down on the weights with all his might as I pressed forward with my legs. "Why are you doing that?" I ask. "Well, you are stronger than I thought you were, we need to up the weight." I wondered very quickly if he would buy the fact that it was an accident if my foot came flying off that press and straight into his teeth.

And so it was, lower body, upper body, lower body, upper body, each piece of equipment born and conceived (in the minds of evil people) for working a different set of muscles. Muscles that have done nothing over the years but support and be cushioned by the various growing areas of fat that surround them.

Every new piece of equipment tormented me until I said, "I can't do any more!" This seemed to bring much pleasure to EB, for without fail, he would always come back with "You can do one more." after I would do one more he would say, "You can do one more." Never satisfied until I really could not do one more.

That is the secret, you see...I see all of you out there that know what I mean, nodding your head and getting that grin on your face. Muscle failure.....The conventional wisdom on strength training. You must work that muscle group to failure to attain success. Irony at its best, I would say. In other words, repeat that movement on that equipment until your body says, "UNCLE!" and will no longer respond to the will of the mind. How fun is that? So, I need to go from piece to piece working each muscle group until it is flaccid so that when I get up it looks like I need a wheelchair? My legs were still giving me intermittent moments of not knowing if they would support me or not.

By the way, where did that expression come from? "Uncle" Why do we cry "Uncle"? Sounds kind of creepy....I can think of a couple of creepy uncles I had.....

So, as I leave the Chamber of Horrors, EB says to me "Don't curse me out tomorrow." I am still trying to walk upright as I leave and am wondering when all those endorphins everyone always rhapsodizes over might be kicking in, and I think to myself, "Tomorrow? I want to call you every name in the book right now!" I fear tomorrow.....

I am convinced that Rodin was not inspired by Dante's "The Inferno" to create "The Gates of Hell", but, rather, saw a vision of the future and those subjected to personal trainers......

I was told that it takes 24 to 48 hours for muscles to recover, so I shouldn't do strength training but every other day. Well, it's been 3 days and my armpits still hurt. Who knew your armpits could hurt? My left thigh is still so sore that I am convinced that I ripped something. And I am supposed to do it all over again so I will be sore for ANOTHER 24-48 hours? That means I will be sore 4 days out of 7. Don't even try to convince me that it will get better, I don't believe it.

Now I remember why every piece of fitness equipment I have ever enthusiastically purchased at 3 in the morning on those infomercials ends up as another place to hang my spandex......

Spinnin' wheel got to go round....

2010-08-07T16:05:00.006-04:00

Remember that Blood, Sweat, and Tears song "Spinnin' Wheel"???

What goes up must come down

Spinnin' wheel got to go 'round

Talkin' 'bout your troubles it's a cryin' sin

Ride a painted pony let the spinnin' wheel spin...

Well, I gotta say, the name of the group is apropos if associated with a spinning class. Course, when Blood, Sweat, and Tears was around, (this song came out in 1969, I think) there wasn't anything like spinning classes. Fitness was not "in" in those days (Jack LaLanne was WAY ahead of his time).....It would have been looked at as ridiculous to sit in a room and ride a top heavy one wheeled stationary bike until you wanted to throw up, while having an instructor urge you on to feel the pain and sweat like a pig. Back then, it was more like, light up a cigarette, fix a rum and Coke, and do a little Bugaloo (twist, jerk, whatever) (Holy Cow, I'm old).

I mean doesn't "spinning" sound like FUN? Didn't we all do that when we were kids? WEEEEEEEEEE, WE'RE SPINNING!! (Then throwing up sometimes) And wasn't riding a bike FUN??? Yeah! Let's see how fast I can go....then stick my head up in the air and feel the wind blow through my hair while I glide down the hills of my neighborhood........Please do not extrapolate those images and feelings out to what a spinning class may be............

Anyway, I bravely went to the class, not knowing exactly how it would play out.

I had heard of spinning and knew that it was a stationary bike on which the resistance can be adjusted so one may get the benefit of riding up and down hills and help power the cardio system in a nice workout.

The female instructor was fit....... muscular and tan, sculpted, toned, and enthusiastic....................Oh crap..................A happy sadist that wants me to be my best and to push myself hard so that I may have the benefit of health. What the heck had I been thinking???

So there sat the bikes, and all of these people that come every week..........Seriously, I was about 20 years older than the rest of them, surely I have an excuse to turn around and walk away?? There were 3 newbies, the other two were still younger than me, but in better shape. One I knew as a colleague and she was happy to see me there, but this lovely lady weighs.......... no exaggeration........probably 90 pounds soaking wet. She is a tiny little thing and perfectly proportioned, I need a big girl in there with me.......

Now let me just say that I have lost 90 pounds, so I have been feeling pretty good about myself, but again, as I got on that bike I was feeling fat, fat, fat...And the work-out clothes I was wearing? It was stuff I had before I lost the 90 pounds, so not only do I feel fat, I looked like I had been dumpster diving at Omar the tent-maker fashion house......

So we start...hip hop music blaring, instructor with her mic on telling us we were going to work it today, listen to our bodies, and push it hard...........I am in BIG trouble.

Did I say the class is 45 minutes long..............45 minutes of non-stop spinning..........the RPMs lighting up on the display before us so that we may see how hard we are working it? I don't think I have spent 45 minutes doing ANYTHING continuous in my ENTIRE life. I just don't have that kind of focus. For Pete's sake, I can't even watch an hour on television without having to get up and do something........what is going to happen here???

So, with my feet safely stationed in the pedals of the bike I begin to spin.........or at least I THINK I begin to spin.....the pedals won't move..............this will never do........wait, wait, forgot there was a lever to adjust the resistance.......I am assuming that the "minus" sign means less resistance, so down we go...... OK, now I can pedal, or spin , or whatever it is.

Rather than give a play by play of what happens next, just think of it as keeping the RPMs of the bike wheel between 80 and 110 at various degrees of resistance. We started out on a "flat" road (close your eyes and think you are outside enjoying the weather) to going up a 45 degree hill, to gliding downhill at an amazing pace......(when I went down hill riding bikes, I let gravity do it, not the pedals...)

The instructor telling us all the way when to:

"Notch it up a bit"

when to go down hill.......

when to go up hill............

when to stand up and pedal............

when to sit down and pedal..........

notch it up.........You should be at 90!!

notch it up.... Make it 100!!

notch it up..... 110!! Now come on it's DOWNHILL

WORK IT PEOPLE!!...... Its GOOD for you!

Does it SUCK to be you right now??? GOOD....... its GOOD for you!!

...............I think I got to 80 once..............without movin that knob one bit...............

The instructor wanted us to listen to our bodies......and I did......

The problem was that after about 5 minutes, my legs were saying:

"OK, that's enough....good job today girl, now relax and have a cookie."

After 20 minutes my legs were saying:

"You really need to stop, this is not pleasant and we are going to rebel shortly!"

After 30 minutes, the brain chimed in:

"Hey, what the heck? You trying to prove something here? The legs are done for crying out loud and do you see those spots in front of your eyes? That could be broken blood vessels for all I know, you don't want me to stroke out do you??"

But I prevailed................for 45 minutes I kept that wheel spinning..............Not at 110 not at 90, but I kept it spinning....

I never stood up and pedaled.........I tried once, but I couldn't make it happen......my body just laughed and laughed.....

Can I tell you what the worst thing was of the whole ordeal??? Not the pain, not the sweat, not the face that was flushed red from exertion, not the spots before my eyes, or the fear that my legs feeling like pieces of old rubber bands would give way when I finally took myself off that piece of torture equipment......it was the stinkin' seat on the bicycle...............

Why do they have to have those seats that split the permanent vertical smile like a sword?? And why do they have to have a mirror the full length of one wall so that if you turn and look you see that you hang on that seat like Baby Huey? You think my legs were talking to me??? You should have heard what my butt was screamin in my ear........

Not Memorable, Mom

2010-08-02T09:04:00.004-04:00

My daughters did not like my last 2 blogs......."Not memorable, Mom." was my oldest's comment. I was taking them out to dinner, and when I asked them if they had read them, they just looked at each other and made faces........Stacie, (the oldest), said "Well there was something in there where you went off on a tangent that was somewhat OK." When I asked which part, she said "I don't know." and then made the comment above.

I then proceeded to spend money on them at dinner AND after dinner when Stacie felt the need to "look" at new makeup..........If nothing else, I can count on their honesty......Their biggest complaint was that I was in error when I said that I was the only one in the family that liked cucumbers. OK, I stand corrected........No one reads this darn thing anyway.......

Have Cucumber...Will Travel Part II

2010-07-20T22:02:00.004-04:00

The list extolling the virtues of the cucumber are continued. I often wonder where these tests are done or who has enough time in their day to experiment with these type of things; I'm sure it is a degree at some AG college somewhere. I know we have plant physiologists etc etc, but is there a "Cucumber Institute", or maybe it is a sub-study of the "Vegetable Institute". Now wait a minute; is a cucumber a vegetable or a fruit? Fruit, I think? Anyway, here are the rest of the cucumber suggestions from the list.

#7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used for centuries and often used by European trappers, traders and explorers for quick meals to thwart off starvation.

OK, the operative words here are "snacking binge". European trappers, traders, and explorers may have eaten them to "thwart off starvation", but I doubt had they had access to chips, ice cream, or even some beef jerky they would NOT have filled up on cucumbers. And why would I want to "fight off" a snacking binge? The whole idea of a binge is to wake up in a stupor to find your chest covered with crumbs (chips, cookies, sandwich, take your pick), chocolate on your lips, soda in one hand, and a spoon of half eaten peanut butter in the other. It's the "Lost Weekend" of the food addict.

#8. Have an important meeting or job interview and you realize that you don't have enough time to polish your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick and durable shine that not only looks great but also repels water.

I don't think women polish shoes. Do men still polish shoes? And is the important meeting or job interview a big surprise? I don't think I would be inclined to hire someone who was so unprepared for an interview that they totally forgot to polish their shoes....or maybe I would, I don't think I would notice unpolished shoes. Do you notice your shoes are unpolished only in the morning before the meeting or interview, or did you know you have been wearing scuffed up shoes for about 3 months? And how long does it take to polish a shoe? Is rubbing a cucumber slice over your shoes faster? Maybe I am missing the point? Should I choose polishing shoes with a cucumber over the traditional ? Maybe I should just have shoes that don't get polished......

#9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge? Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!

Again, who thinks of doing this?? Let's see, I have a squeaky hinge.....in the kitchen I have Pam, vegetable oil, butter, but no WD 40...........Think I will go with a cucumber, that has GOT to work....Me? don't care about squeaky hinges, they give a house character.....

#10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage, facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber will react with the boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown to reduce stress in new mothers and college students during final exams.

Mmmmmmmmm.........massage.....facial.....trip to spa.............wouldn't that be nice?? Never had a massage, had my first facial (and last, now that I think of it) when I was 54....heavenly.....my first pedicure at about 50, ....have to do that now, I have never been successful in getting my husband or any other family member to rub my feet, even though I have tried every bribe I can think of...no, that's not true, I think one of my progeny actually took money for it at times.... so I now pay for "Ricky" to be my cabana boy and give me regular spa pedicures. Well actually, I don't go to Ricky anymore because the salon was just not, well, I was afraid I would catch something there....but when I can, I get a man to do the pedicure. Their hands are stronger and... and... and...well, their hands are stronger.....but I digress.

I'm trying to figure out how a cucumber in a pot of boiling water will make me feel as good as a facial....and AGAIN, cucumbers do not give off a soothing relaxing fragrance. Wait a minute, let me go try it and see...... OK, here is the verdict..... no,... really,.... I actually did it! I just happened to have a fresh cucumber from the garden in my kitchen (7 pints of bread and butter pickles done today!) So I took one of the two I had left over and sliced it up. Of course, my husband asked me what I was doing, and just kind of shook his head.....BUT , he did make the comment that he smelled the cucumber as I was slicing it. He even said it was a little refreshing....(I don't think I have ever heard him say THAT before) And I will agree, the FRESH cuke FRESH from the garden did have a clean fresh smell as I sliced it, but definitely not a soothing relaxing fragrance. So, trying to be fair I boiled water and dropped the slices in. Went and sat in the family room to see if the anti-stress fragrance would waft around the house.....no luck....went back into the kitchen and stuck my head over the pot to see if it would at least be a good way to suck in the spa aroma and open up the pores of my face....no.....it actually smelled better when I cut it up fresh on the counter. Now, it just smelled like boiling water with soggy cucumber slices. Now, my question....it showed reduced stress in new mothers???? Did anyone take into account that when you did this test on new mothers that they were probably AWAY from their children in a room with nothing but a boiling pot of cucumbers? If I remember my young mother days (and I do!) if someone had asked me to participate in a test to see if my stress would be relived by boiling cucumbers, I would have leaped at the chance to get into a room by myself.....with a pot of ANYTHING. AND I would have told them to let me just sit there a few more minutes because I was SO refreshed and stress free by whatever it was boiling in the pot......or did they mean it relieved the stress of new mothers taking final exams?? As for THAT.......how exactly did that go down? I know getting a good laugh will reduce my stress. Coming into a classroom with a pot of boiling cucumbers during final exams would definitely give me a reason to giggle. And if the reason for the boiling cucumbers was announced I would definitely laugh; however, every student stressed because they had been out partying instead of studying would certainly be sucking in great gulps of air to calm their frazzled nerves hoping for, at the very least, a placebo effect.

#11. Just finish a business lunch and realize you don't have gum or mints? Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath.

Wow....this is a good one! I don't have breath mints or gum in my purse or pocket, BUT, I have a baggie of cucumber slices!! How lucky am I that I didn't forget that this morning!!

# 12. Looking for a 'green' way to clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel? Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine, but is won't leave streaks and won't harm you fingers or fingernails while you clean.

It may not harm my fingernails, but they will get torn off trying to clean with a slice of cucumber. This is another one I should try, jut to see, but I kind of like my tarnish,.....AND....If you have "years of tarnish" on stuff in your house, have you just been waiting for someone to tell you to use a cucumber, or do you really not give a flip?

OK there were 13 not 12......

# 13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!!

I am now convinced that cucumber growers have created this list.....is the outside of a cucumber the peel? If it is, why not just say use cucumber peel as a pen eraser? Can I hold the entire cucumber like a pencil and use it as an eraser, or do I have to peel the cucumber and use said peel as an eraser? And why do I have to do it slowly, will it smear? Will I be able to write over the residue left by cucumber peel? I know... I should probably try it and then answer my own questions....

And, OK, my youngest daughter was an artist extraordinaire when she was a little girl. she didn't just draw on the walls, she scribbled murals at 3 years old, across the walls, the closets, the dressers, her bed, the floor. Forget paper, her medium was drywall and wood. I honestly thought we might have had someone in our family with artistic ability, but, no, she was just destructive.....I didn't bother with cucumber slices to erase her art work. The only thing that worked for me was primer and paint.

So there you have it. The wondrous cucumber and all of its miraculous uses. We have all seen those people with mud masks and cucumber slices on their eyes so there must be something based in reality; however, for me, I would like to leave my reality in the hands of a plastic surgeon for my wrinkles, Dow chemical for cleaning, and xanax for my stress.

Have Cucumber....Will Travel Part 1

2010-07-17T11:13:00.003-04:00

OK, if you don't get the title to this post you are not old....or you are not a 60's television buff....

But ANYWAY, I recently got an email that excitedly proclaimed the wonderful uses of the ordinary cucumber. Yes, my friends, the simple cucumber that prolifically grows in home gardens around the world! The mighty cucumber.....Really?? When I was growing up, the cucumber was the one thing I could get my dad to make a face over. He hates cucumbers...... still does to this day, so do my husband and children. I, on the other hand, love cucumbers, so I was intrigued by this email on the powers of the cuke. So I am going to go over the list (there are 12 in the list I will do the first 6; the last 6 will have to come in the next episode) and you can tell me what you think. I, of course, will tell you what I think.

#1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc.

OK, What size cucumber are you talking here? They come in every shape and size. Fat with a lot of seeds? Skinny with more flesh? Long? Short? With or without the peel? That makes a big difference! (You know it's with the peel; I am ambivalent about cucumber peels....if it's that waxy junk from the store, no thanks, if it's fresh from the garden, OK, but ya really gotta scrub it.) If you don't like the peel, you have lost most of what it purports to be! And what variety of cucumber? ....Come on, you don't expect me to believe this do you? Who exactly measures the nutrients of a cucumber? There's a lot of water in it you know. Have you ever left a cucumber in the fridge so long it just disintegrates? Really nasty...It looks OK and then you reach for it and it squishes into a mess. Ever freeze a cucumber? Not good....

#2. Feeling tired in the afternoon, put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a cucumber. Cucumbers are a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that quick pick- me -up that can last for hours.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Give me a Snickers..........I'll live with the inevitable crash!

#3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower? Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a soothing, spa-like fragrance.

My bathroom mirror is huge.....I am a macro cleaner....big paper towels, lots of spray, and wide strokes of the arm.......Can you just see me holding a little slice of cucumber rubbing it across the surface of my mirror just to keep it from fogging? I don't want to see myself after a shower anyway...And sorry, one slice of cucumber will not make my bathroom smell like a spa.........Febreeze on steroids will not make my bathroom smell like a spa.....

#4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? Place a few slices in a small pie tin and your garden will be free of pests all season long. The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the area.

OK, salt on the slugs, and it's a visible lesson in osmosis......plus, I don't think garden pests have noses.....

#5 Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing the visibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!!

I got nothing here.....I mean, really, rubbing cucumber slices on my cellulite?? First of all, no one that has enough cellulite to worry about should be wearing clothing that may expose it....In the case of a bathing suit, who cares? EVERYONE knows themselves well enough on this issue...you either:

Look great and flaunt it
Think you look great and flaunt it
Look fat/thin/scrawny/too tan/blazing white/freckly/short/tall/bulgy and don't care
NEVER wear a bathing suit because you don't want to make anyone go blind.

I think most of humanity fits in under the 3rd bullet point. I have spent a lifetime looking around and let's face it, there are no naturally living people that are 10's....The only scale that should be important to you is the one you have of yourself, I am about a 3, but my kids think I am somewhere between 7-10 depending on the day. (Well, not in a bathing suit....) That's good enough for me. How long can a cucumber scrub last anyway? You go in the pool looking tight and when you come out you got dimples from head to toe?? (And do men care about cellulite? Do they get cellulite? See?? We don't even notice! Many men can put on a speedo and strut around like the cock of the hen house! That would be bullet point 2.)

#6. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache? Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover and headache!!

Yeah, right......I can see it now, stumbling into the kitchen to eat a cucumber after a night out partying. Who really wants a drunk to have a knife in their hand ready to slice up veggies to prevent a hangover/headache? And....Yumm, eating cucumbers on top of buffalo wings, beer, Mohitos, Margaritas, nachos, and chili...The only thing a cucumber might add is something to the color palette when it gets barfed up. If you are sober enough to slice and eat a cucumber after being out drinking, you won't have a hangover anyway.

Knowing these things doesn't change my attitude toward the simple cucumber, I will still eat it, but I won't smear it on my mirrors or my thighs, will not try to tighten up those wrinkles around my eyes (sleep, something that I have a hard time doing, helps more), use it as a room freshener or test it out to see if I can tie one on and not suffer the consequences. But I will keep these things in mind, just in case I get as bored as the person who put this list together did.

RIP Green Car......

2010-07-03T02:05:00.003-04:00

So, I was on call this past Thursday night (Editors note: This happened May 20th, not last Thursday) when my car decided that it had had enough. It decided that it was comfortable in its "place of park" and refused to move. I arrived to see my last patient of the night and returned to my car at about 11:15 pm. Deciding that I would finish all my charting on the computer before driving home, I plugged in and started tapping away on all my patients. About 45 minutes in, all the lights in my car gave a sudden surge and then dimmed. It was enough for me to think "What the heck just happened?" Now, usually when I work on the computer in my car, the car is running because I am doing clean up work on whatever chart is up. Tonight, I had major notes to write because I had been going from one patient to the next without taking time to chart.

Anyway, I reached for the keys and tried to turn over the ignition. That awful sound of "clicktey click" and then nothing. What the heck had I done? That sound reminded me of starters going bad, but my first thought was that I had killed the battery because I had not had the car running while I had the computer running. NOT good.....it's midnight, and I'm not done charting either...OK, so what do I notice? Well, because I have been up 19 hours, the light of intelligence was dim. There was something going on in the car that was just not congruent with what I thought was the matter. Let's see, battery dead....battery dead....battery dead..... but something else was telling me differently. Finally it dawned on me! There were still dim lights on in the car! The clock light was on, when I opened the door the interior light came on, and the headlights were automatic when I tried to start the car......sooooooo what exactly does that mean??? Focus girl, you can figures this out!! Oh yeah, the battery must not be dead, or at least must not be all the way dead. Did I mention that I had rolled down my electric windows cause it was a beautiful night and the car was stuffy? Yeah, well, they wouldn't go up now. No sweat! I will sit here and wait for the battery to recharge.....Can I do that??? Don't I remember that if you give it a chance it will beef up again, or recharge from the alternator, or have a magic wire infuse it with juice or something? I will just sit tight. I am in a lighted parking lot, it is 12:15 am, and as long as I don't get a call, I will be alright. OK.....waiting.....waiting....waiting.... Have I ever mentioned that I have the patience of an ant? Let me try this again. Turn the ignition and HEY!!! it didn't clickity click .......it actually gave a little chug......before it died again with no sound at all. OK, OK, I will give it a LOT of time to do whatever it is it does to juice up again. I'll give it an HOUR...that ought to do it. Waiting......waiting......waiting......maybe 5 minutes will do it. Smaller chug to nothingness....OK. Someone is coming out of the facility....

Me: "Do you have jumper cables?" I ask.

Them: "Is your car not starting?"

Me: In thought: "No, I just really need to know if you have jumper cables, I'm taking a survey for Auto Digest."

Me: "Yeah, I think I need a jump."

Them: "Sorry, I don't have any, you may want to check inside to see if anyone may have some."

Me: In thought: "Go to ...."

Me: "OK, thank you , I will do that, have a good night."

No need for me to go inside...........If I am patient, this car will start....... 12:30, 12:40.......AGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Somebody SHOOT me! I don't want to call my husband. I am 25 miles away and it's early in the morning, and he is usually fast asleep by 10:00.......I call him anyway.

Me: "The car is dead."

Him: " Oh boy, you want me come and get you?"

Me: "No, no, I am going to go inside and see if anyone has some jumper cables." Translation; "Please come and get me, I'm tired and I want to go home. Car stuff is your thing...I just drive."

SOOOOOOO I go back into the facility...... mind you, I left the patient an hour and half ago and the shift has changed....

Me: "Can I get in, please?"

Them: "Why do you need to get in?"

Me: " I was just in seeing a patient and my car died and now I need to ask if anyone has jumper cables." Translation: Let me in or I will tear your head off your shoulders, I am just that grouchy....

Them: " I don't think anyone has any jumper cables. We don't usually let anyone in at this time of night. I don't remember you seeing any patient."

Me: In thought: "Go to ....!!"

Me: " I know, I have been out here for awhile. Can I just go through to security and ask if they have any cables?"

Them: "SIIIGGGHHH...I guess so."

Me: In thought: "Go To .... Now"

Me: "Thank you so much, I appreciate it!"

So I walk from the nursing home side allllllll the way to the assisted living side to the one lone security guard that has a walkie talkie.

Me: "Excuse me, can you tell me if there may be any jumper cables available anywhere on the site?"

Him: "Jumper Cables??"

Me: In Thought: "Why is this so freaking hard to understand???"

Me: "Yes, my car has died and I was wondering if you had any jumper cables." Which now that I think back, makes me think even if they had had them, who would have given me a jump? Certainly none on these guys!!!

Him: "Well, let me see if anyone knows."

He then proceeds to use his walkie talkie to page ONE guy........

Him: "Hey, Joe (or whatever his name was), do we have any jumper cables?"

Joe: "Jumper cables??"

Me: WAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

Him: "Yeah"

Joe: "I don't think so."

Him: "Sorry, we don't have any jumper cables."

Did I mention that both these guys had that cool Nigerian accent?? I don't think either one of them knew what jumper cables were......

So I walk allllllll the way back to the nursing home side.

Woman Who Didn't Want To Let Me In: "Did they have any?"

Me: In thought: "Bite Me!"

Me: " No, I'm afraid not."

Woman Who Didn't Want To Let Me In: "I didn't think so."

Me: Just keep walking or they will haul you away for murder......

So now it's after 1:00 in the morning and I call back husband, who had actually stayed up and had been waiting for me to come home before the first call.

Me: "Well, no one has any jumper cables."

Him: "You want me to come and get you?"

Me:"Well...."

Him: "Or do you want to call AAA?"

Me: ???????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why did I totally forget that I had AAA???? And WHY did husband let me go on a cable chase??? For crying out loud, let me call AAA.

So, since I couldn't find my AAA card, I wrote down the number, (which you really don't need, all you gotta do is give them your name.) and made the call.

Within 30 minutes, My Hero had arrived. He wanted me to put the car in neutral so he could push it back , but my car won't come out of park because you have to step on the brake to move it out of park, and the brakes are power brakes and with no power it doesn't engage, and.....well suffice it to say it stayed where it was. Thankfully the person that came out of the facility way back a long time ago when I first asked for jumper cables, had vacated the spot next to my car and My Hero's big truck just fit into the space to reach me. It took a few minutes, but it did start.

My Hero told me that the battery needed to be replaced.........Really??? Well now, I must look into that......

So, with my engine running, My Hero took off. I sat there just wanting the electrical juice to infuse to a steady state before I left. I put the car in reverse, backed up 6 feet, and it started sputtering and coughing like an 80 year old with bronchitis. Every time I eased off the gas, it would give a violent leap and cough.....definitely a death rattle.........My Hero was now a Big Fat Jerk for leaving me there without making sure that I could drive that car.....And I gave him 10 bucks!

I attempted to pull back into the safety of the parking spot, but to no avail......My 2000 hunter green Buick Regal, gave a shudder, a spit, and went peacefully to the Other Side....

I call back husband........

Me: "The car is dead."

Him: "What happened?"

Me: "Big Fat Jerk jumped car, car started, Big Fat Jerk left, car died"

Him: "I'll come and get you."

Me:" I'll be here."

So here I sit in the middle of the drive space at about 2 in the morning, waiting for husband to come and get me. At one point a car pulls AROUND me and flips his lights, as if I am sitting there on purpose....well, I am sitting there on purpose, but you know what I mean...he didn't even stop......Course, it could have been the sight of a wild-haired crazy-eyed blond, with smudges of 22 hour-old make up smeared across her face that scared the bejeebies out of him as the lights crossed my countenance that made him continue on without stopping......

So husband comes, sees the car in the middle of the road and says we can't leave the car there. Solution??? We need to call AAA again. Now it's about 2:30 in the morning. Another call to AAA brings My Hero #2 out to the facility with a flat bed. I'm sitting in husbands truck...I don't care if I ever see the car again.......I just want to go home. Hero # 2 follows us home with the car. Another 10 bucks to Hero# 2. Now it's 3:30 in the morning, I have been up for 23 hours, (no problem, I am good for 36, I just talk funny.)

So how do I end this? Just saying "I went to bed." seems anticlimactic. Oh! I know! I will tell you what the mechanic said when husband took it in for repair....

Along with its other ailments, a tie rod that was almost shot was ready to break and could have sent me, as the mechanic put it, "out of control into a crash and a fiery death." After putting this on FaceBook, this comment was made:

"Cool! Given the choice, I'd rather have words like "out of control" and "fiery death" in my obituary than "injuries related to rolling off the couch while watching TV."

I love that perspective!!!

Walk a mile in my shoes....

2010-06-12T12:50:00.012-04:00

I came upstairs with my arms full and said to my companion "I picked up 7 pairs of shoes by the front door!". He said to me, "Yea, well did you go into the family room yet?" Hmmmm...Did I mention all 7 pairs of shoes were mine? They usually don't get far from the front door cause they are the first things that come off when I walk in at night.

You are talking to a woman who used to have 2 pairs of shoes..... 2 pairs of $5.00 shoes. Shoes to go outside in and shoes to go to work in. I had to take care of them and know where I put them casue there were no substitutes. I can remember going through the house saying "Do you know where my shoes are??" Hmmmm.....I may still do that....

I wouldn't buy shoes that were not cheap, and I must admit, my poor dogs paid the price.

Just a little side question before I go on...Is it 2 pairs of shoes or 2 pair of shoes (or 2 pairs of shoe) ??

Back in our poor days, living on military pay and my outstanding $2.00 an hour pay,

(Yes. I said $2.00 an hour...and I ran the office, took DICTATION, TYPED on a TYPEWRITER without the glorious disappearing backspace or spell check, kept the books, and everything else that needed to be done WITHOUT the help of anything digital, computerized, or instant, I even balanced the bosses checkbook! He used to say "If you get it within a $100.00, I'm happy." Do you have any idea what $100.00 was to me in 1973?? I was afraid to be out by 5 cents cause I could take it down to the penny some weeks. OK, off track....)

I would buy nothing but the bare necessities. I knew the difference between a need and a want. I needed some things, I wanted a lot of things; I didn't get my wants, and my needs were barely met, but I was happy! No one else I knew had anything either, and there was far less to covet then than there is now. So shoes were a necessity, but a lot of shoes were not a necessity. Like I said, 1 pair for outside and 1 pair for work, and barefoot the rest of the time. It was hot in Florida, I didn't need shoes unless I was going to be where the critters would bite me.

It took me 20 years to realize that I could have more shoes and they didn't have to be $5.00 shoes. When I was in my forties, I finally decided to have ingrown toenails removed on both my big toes. For years I suffered with shoes that hurt my feet and toes that were so tender, I couldn't bear to touch them. Then one day I realized I could get that fixed. Why didn't I realize it before?? Who knows, I just thought having ingrown toenails removed was a want and not a need. So for the first time, I didn't have pain in my toes when I walked, and now I could buy some shoes.

It started out innocently enough. I bought a black pair of shoes, cause black shoes are sensible and go with everything. Then a pair of beige shoes, cause in the summer beige shoes are better than black shoes..... Guess what, the world did not come to a screeching halt because I spent some money on myself. I was a little intoxicated with the fact that no one told me I was a bad mother or wife because I was wearing TWO DIFFERENT pairs (of pair) of shoes in one week. Then, like most things that feel nice and start out innocently, it became a bit obsessive. To buy or not to buy? Know what BOGO is? Oh yeah, buy one get one half price......So I will get 2 pair. I mean I'm saving money right??? Well if I buy 2, why not 4?? That's like getting a free pair of shoes! That means that 6 pair must be even better!!

Slings and heels, pumps and peek-a-boo toes, flip flops, sandals, sneakers, flats, stuff to match clothes, stuff to match purses, summer colors, winter colors. Now what I used to not even see when I went into a store seemed to jump out at me and say "Take me home, you know you love me!"

What happened, however, was that my feet still hurt. I began to believe that it didn't matter what type of shoe I wore, it hurt me. I would always buy wide shoes.....And then one day it dawned on me, I saw it, I looked at my feet........I had odd feet, REALLY odd feet. Now while I could always find what I thought was comfortable in a wide shoe, I noticed that my feet were freakishly wide, really wide, like, people I got man feet. EWWWWW how wide are these dogs for crying out loud???

Never fear! In the day of instant information, I found a place.......a heavenly place......a place for shoes that go to 4E width. I bought a pair of winter boots that, oooolala, look good on me and do not make me walk like a cripple at the end of the day. Red pumps....Oh, how I love my red shoes! I only wear them with certain things, but people notice my red shoes. Shooties that look like snake skin...yummy looking with those spike heels! And, guess what? I actually went down a half size, because now, my big fat wide feet spread across instead of lengthwise. The price? Well let's just say that when you have wide feet (or narrow feet for that matter.....my mother-in-law wore a 12 AA, she understood the meaning of special shoes) that you need to pay a special price. $5.00 dollars has turned into $50.00 minimum on up to....well, you can pay a lot for good quality shoes. I try to wait for the clearance sales. If you were to look in my closet, you would see that I really am not as bad as some women; for me, it seems excessive, to others I may be just a beginner, I won't go over that bridge to the sex-in-the-city-girl expensive shoes, I have not evolved that far, I have grandchildren you know....But I don't want anyone questioning my grandmotherly skills because I like to wear sexy shoes. (And good shoes, not sensible shoes BTW, can make you feel sexy, you know.)

So, I went into the family room....6 more pairs of shoes.... dining room, 1 more pair....living room.....Ah! Shoe-free zone!...... and as I sit here at my desk, I count 3 more pair under it. Well, at least I won't be asking where my shoes are....I may ask where my blue flip-flops that match my new shirt are...but I can always substitute.

Turkey Necks...

2010-06-08T21:29:00.007-04:00

So, I was sitting at lunch with my friends today, all of us about the same age, and we were talking about turkey necks....You know, that neck thing you get when you get older, and the one thing they can't seem to fix with plastic surgery. You know, your neck is a little saggy, a little wrinkled, looks like a.....well, it looks like a turkey neck. The comments were around why can't we do something for it?? You know, we could make a lot of money if we could figure a way to fix it.

Then one of my friends said something like this.."I hate that no one says 'you don't look your age' anymore, or 'Gee, you CAN'T have kids that age' or 'You look good for your age'. She followed with something like this.. "I hate that I want to do so much and I feel that I don't have the time anymore. I can see my limited time left just ticking down." It stopped me right in my tracks.....

First of all, my friend looks great "for her age"!! I think she is attractive. She has a quick mind and a great sense of humor. She is a great conversationalist, and fun to be around; but as we continued the conversation, I was dismayed that she and my other mature friend thought that they were invisible to the world, that they are not noticed because they are older and perceived to be uninteresting. Well that may be true in the world's eye, but....

I couldn't disagree more.

I gotta say the most interesting people I know are in my age range. That's not to say that younger people are not interesting, they are, but in a different way. I find them to be interesting because they are finding their way, sorting through decisions of life, parenthood, relationships, and work. I like their perspectives and I like hearing their hopes and how they deal with the bumps in their life. Happily, I find that they are, in many cases, better equipped than I ever was when I was a young wife and mother.

I like to, and I do, surround myself with people of all ages. I especially love children because they see heart to heart rather than face to face. If I want an honest opinion, I ask a child. They will always tell me the truth. Case in point, my grandson Luke, told his mother the following:

Luke: "Mommy, I'm all done being patient"

Jessica: "What are you talking about, Luke."

Luke: "I'm talking about being all done being patient with all your yucky dinners."

Refreshing, isn't it? Let me just say that Jessica does not make yucky dinners, but if she did, I would remain patient. I can remember when my children were young they used to look into my face and say "Mommy, you look like a movie star." Then half hour later, "I can't see around you mommy, your bottom is too big." It's all about balance, I guess.

But for sheer breadth of life experience, I find those that are my age and older bring a perspective to conversation that I enjoy. Sometimes words are not even necessary, a look will tell a story. We don't rely on our physical prowess or our good looks to try and impress, (yeah, I know, because it doesn't work anymore) but NOW, we can say something with confidence, and people will believe us, even if it is a crock. Our sense of humor is a little more twisted, and even if our shoulders are a little more bent, they hold sorrows much better. We have been seasoned with the salt of life and infused with the flavorful juices of experience. Some of us have turned out yucky, to use my grandsons word, but more have turned out delightfully delicious.

But I still want to do something about my turkey neck.

The whole world at my fingertips!

2010-06-05T13:20:00.005-04:00

I have a new phone. I finally got an iPhone. I have been wanting one since my youngest showed me hers. I have been playing with this phone for the last 2 days, and I can't seem to put it down.

Not so unusual you say? Well, considering I used to leave my phone sitting around until it was dead, not knowing where it was, and looking frantically for it when I was about to go on call, I would say that this is a change. Before I took the jump to the iPhone, I had begun using my Blackberry more, and getting to be lighting fast with a text message. I carried it around on my hip like a sheriff carries his .44. I am officially the geek of which I used to make fun.

I could never understand why people walked around with their eyes down into their palms, missing out on what was going on around them and laughing to themselves like they were part of some cosmic joke. Heaven help me I caught myself doing it!!!

I will say this; I am not too comfortable being this involved with my phone. When I do look up, I see that I have missed some things. I am almost always working from a list of things to do. My list has dust on it and my personal projects and work projects have been laying idle. My new ideas are sitting in my brain veiled behind new apps that I just have to have. But really, isn't this supposed to help us work smarter, not harder?? I do love some of the applications that make life easier, but do I REALLY need mobile Facebook?? (I have it) Do I REALLY need my email to my phone?? (I have it) Do I REALLY need Skype? (Oh yes, have it)

Need to get back to my garden, my interface with real people, and my never ending What Next? list. BTW, my what next includes a new foundation and nurse networking group for community health. Been trying to work on that for 3 years now, just need to put it together. So hopefully, this new iphone will support those things rather than keep me drooling into the virtual keyboard.

With every new technology comes potential for greater good or greater slavery to the tool.

Hey, I just found an app on how to hypnotize, oooo.....there's a whole category on medicine, and look at this! A productivity category........Oops, a little bit of drool goin on.....!

Choose ye this day.............

2010-05-25T10:12:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I wish that I didn't have agency. Agency to choose for myself. I sometimes wish that my decisions could be made for me and that I could avoid the consequence of making poor or incorrect choices. I sometimes wish that. However, in my heart of hearts, I know without a doubt that that is wrong. What is life without the ability to choose for yourself? Some will try and tell you that there are those in the world that do not have the ability to choose, but I disagree. Even those that have had the most basic of life's decisions taken away from their control still have the ultimate choice. I remember reading a story of a person that had been in a concentration camp and they brought up this very tenent. He (or she, I cant remember) made the point that the only thing the camp could not take from him/her was the choice to be who they were, what they would choose to think, how they would choose to react, what they would choose to say. Very powerful lesson.

Sometimes I choose poorly. (Makes me think of Indiana Jones) Sometimes I choose more wisely. (Definitely Indiana Jones now) But the whole point of choice is progression. An egg without a little bit of heat added to it is not particularly appetizing. It is still healthy, but it hasn't met its potential.

I guess what I really wish is that choices were easy. I want the potential of the egg without the heat. I don't want to make decisions between 2 things that are equally good and desirable but are mutually exclusive in attaining. I don't want consequence. But not wanting that does not take away facing the reality that I must make the choice. Maybe the bigger the choice the bigger the growth that comes from it. I can only hope.

Decision today? Not facing the big ones yet, but I did decide to have a piece of danish over cottage cheese....I think that was a poor choice......the only growth that comes from that is in my hips.

So where do I go from here??

2010-05-17T21:06:00.009-04:00

You ever feel like you are at the end of a road and you're are not really sure which way to go? I am antsy, I need a change, but I can't for the life of me figure out what it is I want.

I believe that staying the same is not a choice. We move either forward or backward, but you cannot stay in the same place. What is the point? Comfort? Familiarity? I hear a lot of talk in my ever changing choice of profession that we have to move out of our comfort zone and embrace new ways of working. (Translation: Get with the program or move on.) We also have to do that in our lives. Move out of the comfort zone, get out there and do something!! Pick something in your life and improve it, change it, break it open and see what new level you can reach. In order to do that, however, risk is involved, and, let's face it, taking risk when you absolutely do not have to, is pretty scary.

Life-altering change can be positive OR negative. The problem with life-altering change is that it is not something that affects just one person. Life-altering change can take in its tidal wave your family, your friends, your reputation and your future. When that is in the positive flow, it can be one of the the most rewarding events in your life. Not so much in the negative flow. When it is selfishly considered it is destructive. We live in a time when it is acceptable to think only of yourself and do what is right for ME. In reality, that has never been the right choice. You can see the litter of broken hearts, broken promises, irreparable rifts in love and affection, bewildered children, and painful regret throughout our society.

The best change comes when you take steps to improve what you have, to devote yourself entirely to going forward in change that will bolster and underscore what is good about a relationship, a job, a philosophy. I don't and never will promote staying in those places that have a destructive element whether in the home or outside the home, but we so easily give up on things when it becomes difficult, or when you think something far far better has come along. If we focus outward instead of inward we will become more willing to be unselfish, to be more responsible, more able to see what we can contribute to the betterment of individuals, families, and community. We won't leave the aforementioned litter in our lives.

I don't want to sound like a martyr, I firmly believe we should seek the things that bring us joy; however, it should be done within the proper bounds; bounds that we have set as we have moved through life's decisions. Bounds that are drawn by our beliefs and value sytems. Sacrifice of ones own selfish desires is good when put in that perspective. To quote a hymn, "sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven".

So, it looks like I have come full circle. I want a change, I need a change. Life-altering change? Only if it promotes what is good in my life. Sacrifice change? If it brings happiness to those around me. What thing shall I break open in order to have meaningful change? Still teetering on a rock about that one.

It's The Little Things That Count............

2010-04-02T09:59:00.006-04:00

I just can't believe what this week has been. I guess the best word to describe it would be frustrating........incredibly frustrating........ just really, really frustrating.......Did I say I have been feeling frustrated??

Work has not been a happy place for me as of late, suffice it to say that I feel incompetant, lost, out of my league, old, useless, and dare I say it?.......frustrated. However, work situation aside, it's the little things that have made me so angry that it takes every ounce of control I have not to expolde into a million pieces.

Lets' start with Tuesday night, I came home and went straight upstairs, no side trip anywhere, straight upstairs and dropped off my stuff in the office, I didn't talk, I just started cleaning my bedroom because I had had another bad day. Wednesday morning trying to leave for work, I could NOT find my car keys or my badge. As my mother used to say, "Stuff just doesn't sprout legs and walk away!" Well, I think this time the impossible happened.........Somewhere there is a set of keys walking around on primordial legs.

Wednesday..............As I am driving to work with borrowed keys and no badge, I notice that it sounds like a window is down somewhere in the car, but pressing all of the close window buttons produces no change. I then think that maybe my door is ajar, so I open and close the door while I am driving...No change. I then see that my driver side window is open just a sliver. Press the close window...no change... push up with my free hand, no change..roll down a bit and try to roll up, now it's stuck open even further. OK, nothing I can do until I get to work. I pull up in front of the visitor's entry and go in to get a temporary ID and I get scolded by the security people becuse I have not as yet gotten a new badge that has been required for about a year now. When I come back to the car, I try to lift the window up into place while pushing the up button which immediately let's the window fall into the door with no hope of ever seeing it rise again. Now I am driving with the window down all of the way....sigh.....It's not even 7:00 a.m.

I have a hair appointment during my lunch break. I haven't had my hair done since before Christmas, and it is looking.......well, it's not looking so good.... When I arrive at the salon, I do not see my hairdresser, David. He is always on time and usually early when he works. As my appointment time comes and then slips by, I am approached by Erin at the shop telling me that the salon made an error and that David is not in today.........sigh........

Wednesday night.........I will be out of the office on Thursday and I need to work on a project plan that is due Friday. I work until 2am and then get up at 6:00 to catch the 7:24 train to Philadelphia. The project plan still needs last minute work...........

Thursday.............I am tired, and the last words my dear, sweet husband say to me as I leave are "It's going to be warm day today, don't forget your jacket when you come home." My leather jacket.............my really nice leather jacket...............that I got for Christmas............the leather jacket that looks really good....................As I board the train to come home, I realize that I am not wearing my leather jacket............

Friday..............I can't find the my IPod.......I had it on the train last night..........I have a box of Easter goodies for my grandsons in Indiana that have been ready for boxing and mailing for over a week. I never get anything to those boys on time. I was ready this time..........except I didn't mail them. OK, I will take them to work and have them sent overnight. I walk down to the mailing center , but I don't know the zipcode for Kokomo, and the mailing center does not take debit cards for payment. I leave the box there and go to the ATM that I always use at work around the corner and it is out of order............I now must find another ATM on this massive campus....I walk over the pedestrian bridge and down 2 floors and decide that I will not need more than $20.00 to send this package; (we get a discount on fed-ex)....... Back to the maling center, and the cost for a Saturday delivery is $26.09.......sigh.........I had a one-dollar bill in my wallet over the 20 that I got out of the ATM. So, I give her $5.09 in change............(I think the sigh came from the mail center on this one).

OK, I am not too sure what else will happen today or this weekend. My keys are still missing. my IPod is still missing, my leather jacket may still be in Philadelphia, BUT, as I am writing this sad tale, I realize that I have left out some little things................You know, those little things that count.

Here goes.........I may feel old and useless, but my family loves me.......just the way I am.....with all my faults, with all my sorted frustrations and anger. They know me, and they still love me. I would say that is worth something..............

I did find my badge! (After I finally got into the office that morning.) It was in the suitcase of a purse I carry around and I will make arrangements to get a new badge made.............. Who wants a 10 year old picture on their ID anyway?? No matter how much younger I looked, it's still out of date.......

The rain we had been having for several days was over when the window broke. The inside of my car stayed dry! Also, Wayne fixed the window in the car. Because I had to work in Philly on Thursday, I took the train, and he was able to get it fixed for me. He did it himself, which saved money!

The hair salon was so nice to me after they made the scheduling mistake; they are always nice, but they felt terrible. That's why I couldn't be mad. Erin was so sweet and offered a half-price manicure. David called me and explained things. Margie called me that evening apologizing again for the mix-up. They couldn't have been kinder. I have an appointment for next Wednesday. It's just hair, and I only drove a few minutes down the street from the office to the salon; had I come from home, it would have been an hour's drive round trip.

The office I was working from at UPenn is sending my leather jacket to me via fed-ex. At least I didn't leave it in the sandwich shop when I went to lunch, it would have ben gone forever.

I had good company on the train with my work pal.

When I was looking for a working ATM, a kind woman from the cafeteria overheard that I was going to walk to another building to find an ATM. She told me there was a closer one just across the pedestrian bridge..She didn't have to do that, she could have ignored me. Thank you....Another person actually walked me to the ATM to show me where it was when I asked. He didn't have to do that......... Thank you.....

I keep a change jug at home. For about 3 weeks, I have been meaning to put all of the loose change I have been lugging around into that jug. I thought about it last night and again this morning. Thanks goodness I didn't.....had I done that, I would have been making another trip to the ATM insead of paying the balance of the fed-ex charge in quarters, dimes, nickles, and pennies.........

My grandsons (and new granddaughter) will get their Easter goodies on time.............

Last, but certainly not least (nor a little thing)................this is Easter Weekend. The weather is going to be glorious, and the hope and promise of this celebration is eternal.

I feel my frustrations fading........I am thankful for the little things.

DVRiduculous Part I

2009-02-18T20:44:00.005-05:00

My husband hates my hair. Everytime I go to get it done, I come home and he hates it. He wants me to change hairdressers. I love my hairdresser. We went to nursing school together. I love the way he does my hair, although, I will say that it is pretty short. But I love the color, and even though it is short, it will grow back.

I love my DVR. Interesting story around the DVR. My son kept telling me that I needed to get DVR, and I kept saying that I would look into it........Then one day the Verizon man came to my door wanting to sell me Verizon service. I had Comcast service....Wayne, (my one and only, or moo for short,) knows that he is not allowed to make any decision around my internet service, our telephones, or cable unless it goes through me. (Long story about telephones...sufice it to say that at one point we had 3 telephone lines with 3 different carriers....) Anyway, so the Verizon guy came to see me.after moo said he would have to talk to me. I said no, but I might consider it if I got free DVR for a year. That was no sell, but he did give me some kind of deal which enticed me to change over my very very reliable Comcast service. Not only my cable service, but my internet service, and my telephones that were already Verizon, but now we had some kind of special 3 for 1 deal. I should always follow my inclinations, and my inclination here was NOT to go to Verizon; not to mention that the change would mean changing my email, and all of the accounts with my email, and blah blah blah...So the Verizon guys came and spent all day (and I mean all day) hooking up my TVs, and my internet, and my telephones. I asked for a DVR that could be recorded in one room and viewed in another. So the main DVR was in the family room and the additional "Viewing boxes" were in 2 of the bedrooms upstairs. What I am about to tell you is shameful.........I mean it is just ridiculous........I have 5, count them 5, televisions in my home. Why do 2 people need 5 televisions?? Not to mention I have a 6th and 7th in my basement that work but are not hooked up!! What is worse is that I watch 4 of them! (When there is time.) Now, mind you, I don't get to watch the 55 inch television as I please. That one belongs to moo. I will watch with him, but he controls the remote. That is why I used to have so much trouble with the remote. I never used one, and my TVs upstairs had simple on/off remotes without all the cable doo doo that comes with advanced television watching. You know, this is going to be a long story, so I will have to continue later, I have some work to do before I go to bed tonight.

You know, I can go all day long without saying 2 words to anyone, but the minute I sit down to write, I am like a dam that has broken....Could it be I just like to talk (write)without interruption?? Or maybe I just like my company better than anyone else's? Well that's rude isn't it? I don't think anyone looks at this blog anyway, so I guess I can be rude. Part II tomorrow!

Does Any of this Make Sense??

2009-02-17T22:59:00.009-05:00

I am going to try and do this again. It is just a horrible shame that life gets in the way of blogging. You know.....work............driving to work............ driving home from work. I am gone from 6:30 am to 4:30 or 5:00 pm every day. Every other weekend I work at my second job. I am tired of working.....I have worked a full time job for 37 years. That is just not right for an old woman. I should be comfortably retired, or at least heading in that direction. I don't think I will ever be able to reitre. You have to have a bazillion dollars. I don't have a bazillion dollars............

OK, my frustration is showing. What I really want to do is become a free-lance photographer.....Stop laughing!!! Why can't I do that? I take some pretty good pictures. I just need a camera that costs a bazillion dollars.......Oh yeah.... I don't have a bazillion dollars. Actually I guess I don't need a camera that expensive. I was looking at Circuit City and they had some awesome cameras at their going out of business sale.......Some going out of business sale! They inflated the prices and then took off 10%. No wonder they are going out of business. When someone is going out of business, I want a real deal.......You know,... a $2500.00 camera for $25.00. Now THAT is a going out of business sale.

I am usually in bed by this time. It is 11:15, and I get up really early. That is why I have not been blogging, but maybe I can get back in practice. It's the only place I write down anything that is remotely intersting in my life. HMMMMMM......Maybe that is why I have not been writing anything....My life is really boring. Isn't everyones' life boring, though? I mean, really, if you are filthy rich and have nothing to do like most celebrities, I guess you can have an exciting time screwing your life up. (Well, I know plenty of people that have screwed their life up without being a celebrity, but I hate celebrities.....Well, actually I guess I don't hate celebrities, I hate people that love celebrities... I mean, really....get a life people. HEY!! Maybe that is the problem. If you are not a celebrity your life is boring (like mine) and then you want to be a celebrity so you can have an interesting life. (Except I don't want to be a celebrity, at least I don't think so...am I a closet wannabe???)

Boy, I really shouldn't be writing this late at night...............But here are a few samples of my pictures, just in case someone wants to buy them....You know, in case I still can be a free-lance photographer........I said don't laugh!! Hey!!! Click on these and they get big, They are even better when you can see them that way!!

Excuse me, I did not cause your divorce

2008-01-24T16:45:00.001-05:00

Over the beginning years of my work life, I have had many different types of jobs; however, one of the most entertaining, distressing, ridiculous, and sad was doing collections. I worked collections at a loan company, at 2 banks, and in a medical practice plan. All had their quirks. The first collection job was at a loan company in Georgia. I was 21 years old and didn't realize that this loan company was taking advantage of every customer they had. The customers were generally poor, put up the household furnishings for collateral and were routinely "pyramided". That means that if their loan was behind they could be brought up to date, given some cash, and started over. I guess today they give it a legitimate name......refinancing. This job ended up with the manager making bogus loans,hiring an inside man to help hide the money, changing his name, and moving away. The GBI (Georgia Bureau of Investigation) was looking for him last time I knew. (And that is only PART of the story). While I was there a man brought a shotgun into the office and threatened to shoot me if I didn't leave him alone. I told him that if he paid his bill, I wouldn't have to call him. (I knew he wouldn't shoot me.......or at least that is what I thought.......boy was I stupid)
I worked at a bank doing collections on mobile homes and doing repossessions on seriously delinquent people. I once put a person out of their home the week before Christmas. I had been working with them for 8 months, and I could not get a dime. I had no choice, I sent the sherriff to evict them. That sounds horrible to me now, but, for some reason, I was alright with it then.

If you are late on a bill and a collector calls you, please don't think you are going to tell them something they have not heard before. We have heard every excuse under the sun. We don't believe most of them. I once was accused of causing a divorce because the husband kept giving the money to his wife to pay the loan, the wife kept spending the money on whatever it was she spent it on, and then it was my fault for causing the fight when I called to say the loan had not been paid every month. He yelled at me on the phone that it was all my fault. I said "Why do you keep giving her the money?" He said "Because she is supposed to pay the bill!!" Had I been a little older, I would have said "You are truly an idiot!" One guy told me that it wasn't his fault that the bill did not get paid. He said he faithully took his bills each month, put them in a stack, and paid them until he ran out of money. He said "I can't help it if when I get to your bill there is no more money left!" I told him "Next month, put it on the top of the stack."

I have heard stories about kids peeing on the bill, dogs tearing up the bill, people swearing that they had paid and I better find the money, being out of work, between work, in a divorce, going on a vacation and they needed the money for that instead, being sick, having children sick, having the bills burned for heat, giving it to a girlfriend/boyfriend, being sued and can't afford it, praying for money, borrowing money, yelled at, swore at, threatened, propositioned, and any other number of things to excuse delinquency and get by for another month. I will say this............I was always nice. I knew that I could get more with honey than with vinegar. Even with all of the excuses, my "regulars" liked me and I liked them. We had an understanding and I tried to help when I could, but I didn't take in that family that I evicted...........they would probably still be living with me.

I'm It

2008-01-18T14:21:00.000-05:00

OK, I got tagged. I have seen this in emails, but not in blogs. I am suppossed to answer questions that seem to be interesting, but are more interesting to the person answering them than the people reading them. Now, if I were some big celebrity, it would be quite different. For some reason, people are really interested in the most mundane things if it is related to a celebrity. Honestly, I don't care what Brittany eats for breakfast, (poor thing, she's really too ill to be bothered these days) or who Oprah supports politically (really folks, shes not supporting him because he's black, she's supporting him because she belieives in him........... really.....YAWN), or what type of toothpaste Katie Holmes uses, (although I've heard L. Ron used the same; Tom insisted on it.) I am tired tired tired of celebrities. Now, how did I get here? Anyway, I am to answer the questions and then tag 5 other people to answer the questions. Unfortunately, I don't know 5 people with a blog. Well, I do, but Shawn tagged the same people I read, and I can't see myself going to just any old blog and saying TAG!! YOU'RE IT!! I'll have to think about that.

SO.. the rules of BLOG TAG are:

A)The Rules are posted at the beginning.
B) Each player answers about themselves. (I don't think I can answer about anyone else......HMMM)
C. At the end of the post, the player tags 5 people, posts their names, and goes to the blogs letting thm know they've been tagged. (See problem listed above)

Here goes.......
5 Things I Was Doing 10 Years Ago:
I have a hard time remembering what I did 10 minutes ago, I'm suppossed to remember 10 years ago?

1)I had just moved to day shift work after 7 years working midnights and swing shifts.
2)I had just graduated in December from nursing school and was preparing to take my boards.
3)I was paying $10,000 for Shawn's college tuition. All well worth it since he was having the most fun he'd had ever had in his life and was making the worst grades he ever made. (Seriously, son, the best time I'd ever had up until that time was knowing what fun you were having. That's what I wanted, it was worth every dime) I never saw one grade the entire time he was in school, but I did go to his graduation,and he is working, so mission accomplished.
4)I was stil a mom of relativly young children, (Lindsey was almost 11 and Brent was 12. Stacie was a senior in high school.)
5)Taking care of 3 dogs (1ncluding 'dead dog'), 4 birds, and 2 or 3 ferrets. One of the most fun pets ever.

5 Things On My To-Do List Today:

1) Take the grandsons for pictures (Done)
2) Play Blog Tag (In the process)
3) Write the minutes for my Safety Review Committee meeting for work (Partially Done)
4) Update the Dashboards for my projects at work (Partially Done)
5) Take paperwork to the office for my second job (Not Done)

Can anyone possibly be more boring than I?

5 Snacks I Enjoy (More to the point..Snacks I can OD on)

1) Doritos with Shotgun Willie's (Hot)
2) Vanilla Oreos with milk for dunking
3) Honey B-B-Q Frito Twists (Once on a business trip, I ate a whole bag while watching TV in the hotel room. I couldn't believe I ate the whole bag in one sitting.)
4)Cheese so sharp it bites back with apple slices
5)Ice cream with milk on it. (No, it's not a milkshake, it's ice cream with some milk on it. It makes crystals and gives is great yumminess. I couldn't believe Shawn likes it the same way, except he likes peanut butter on it too.)

5 Things I'd Do If I Were A Billionaire

1)Quit all my jobs.
2)Set-up trusts for my grandchildren
3)Set-up a family business beacause even if you are independently wealthy you need something to do.
4)Travel, Travel, Travel, (learn to fly and buy an airplane)
5)Humanitarian work because people need medical care, education, water, food, mentoring, support, seed money and love everywhere.

3 Bad Habits

Why 3 and not 5? I know I have a lot more than 3 bad habits.

1)Procrastination. I would like to say that I work better under pressure, but that is my positive slant on it.

2) I don't take care of my health the way that I should.

3) I can't prioritize. The pressure is on: I have to pack and leave: I have to get a report done: What am I doing??? Cleaning the kitchen when I need to pack or separating filing that my AC can do when I should be writing the report. This is just a sequelae on bad habit number 1, but I hate it, know what I am doing in my mind, but can't seem to control it. It kind of feeds into: too organized with things that aren't important and not organized enough with things that are. Sound familiar? (Because things that are not important are easier to organize, who has time to sit and think about important things?.....it takes too long and I need to MOVE)

5 Jobs I Have Had

1)Collections and mobile home repossessions (Yes, I actually kicked people out of their homes)

2)OS&D clerk trucking companies. (Over, Short & Damaged)

3)Secretary/Bookeeper for Real Estate business

4)Customer surveys and demonstrator (You know those people in the mall that stop you for a survey and the people that give out samples in the stores?)

5)Packaging line-worker packing pharmaceuticals

5 Things People Probably Don't Know About Me

1) Was a singer with a country-western band in high school

2) Went to high school in Athens, Greece

3) Came in 2nd in a talent contest on New Year's Eve when I was 16. The first place went to a drunk guitar player. Not bragging on this one.

4)Taught myself how to play the ukelele

5)Never had a childhood disease (chicken pox. mumps, measles, etc.)

Well, that's it. This has given me some ideas for new blog fodder, hopefully Bad Habit # 1 won't get in the way.

Midnight in Walmart

2007-09-13T08:20:00.000-04:00

I was coming home from admitting a patient downstate on the 31st of August. The next day was Grandson #3's first birthday party. I was going to make a casserole for the party, but had not been to the store to get anything. Plus, I had not gotten a gift for Grandson #3 yet. The only store open at 11:30 pm is the Walmart in Elkton, Maryland. For those of you unfamiliar with Elkton, Maryland, let me just say that in the Northeast's coastline sprawl down the Atlantic, it is where the South begins. It is the oddest phenomenon.............20 minutes from my house, people begin to drawl and say ya'll. I am not opposed to that; my roots are buried deep in the South and in the mountains of the Ozarks; it's just weird, that's all. (It IS below the Mason-Dixon Line). I won't try and be funny here with all of the stereotypical fodder that comes from being Southern, but the picture you get in your mind is not far from what is there. (Stereotypes come from SOMEWHERE, you know!) Anyway, I go about my business getting what I need and then procede to the checkout line...............At first, I calmly wait behind about 6 other people, and as I wait, I see the line behind me getting longer and longer and the line in front of me not moving. There really are a considerable amount of people in the Walmart at midnight. Having worked a lot of shift work, it doesn't seem too unusual to me; however, what is unusual is that the line is not moving. I finally rouse myself from the "standing in a line stupor" and look at the registers. No clerks are checking anyone out. They are standing around with their arms crossed, walking around, talking to each other, generally not doing what cashiers do.........................which is to take our money and move the line out the door. People in the line are beginning to become a little more noisy wondering what in the heck is going on. Just before I thought a riot was going to break out among the line standees, a woman that seemingly was in charge (if you can call anyone in Walmart at midnight in charge) got on a microphone and stated the following: "The cash registers are down. They go down every night at midnight. If you would like to avoid the problems of waiting, you should consider shopping at some other time!" Did she just say that? Whatever happened to "Ladies and gentlemen, we are sorry for the inconvenience, but the cash registers go down for accounting purposes at midnight, we should be up and running shortly. Thank you for your patience!"

Great customer service Lady!! I'll be sure to rush right back to your store in the future. I just love how important we are to retailers and how polite their employees can be. Or are you so grouchy from working the overnight shift that this is as nice as you can get? That's OK, Igot a present for Grandson #3....Unfortunately, his mom had already gotten the same thing.

PS I started this post back in August. I finished the last couple of lines today (only 5 months later)

View From the Parking Lot

2007-08-29T11:25:00.000-04:00

I went to the Phillies - Mets game last night. Got to sing the National Anthem on the field with my singing group. This is the 7th time I have gotten to do that over about as many years. For the longest time we only got to go to Phillies - Expos games because our group was willing and able to sing the Canadian National Anthem as well as the US Anthem. Those were not my favorite games. Now that the Expos are now the Washington Nationals, we get other games to see. Last night it was the Phillies - Mets. I was soooooo happy. We have such a rivalry with the Mets and we get a lot of Mets fans that come to the game, so it makes for a good night. The night was beautiful. My grandson Nathan was being an angel and was loving the game. The game tied in the 8th inning and the 9th inning went scoreless for New York. EXTRA INNINGS!!! YEAH.

Now, I had brought my grandson to the game, but my son-in-law was going to take him home. He decided that he needed to leave at the beginning of the 10th inning, but didn't have a carseat and wanted to get the carseat from my car. First of all, I didn't know where my car was parked because I actually drove to the game with another person in their car, and Wayne had driven himself, Nathan, and his sister to the game. My dear husband said we should leave so we could accomodate the carseat request. But I don't WANT to leave!!! I want to see what happens. Granted, you don't know how long a baseball game will last in extra innings.........but I want to stay!! Trying to be an adult, I agreed to go. As we leave the stadium it is clear that my son-in-law and my husband are parked about 20,000 cars apart. Why can't we just take Nathan home ourselves, I ask. Good idea...............(Darn, should have thought of that inside)............now if Wayne can only remember where he parked the car we can see if we can get the game on the radio. I have been hearing behind us a continuous roar of the crowd..................something is going on.....but what!!

Me: "What letter was the parking lot?"

Him: "I don't know, we parked by the statue of the football player."

Me: "Where's the football player?"

Him: "I don't know, it's dark, I can't see."

Note to self......................It may be daylight when you park, but it is definitely dark when you come out, it's better to remember what the lot letter is.................

Me: "What was the orientation of the ball park when you got out of the car?"

Him: He looks around at the ballpark and then takes off in another direction. Nathan in arms.

Me: I follow with my sister-in-law.................amidst growing cheers from the stadium behind me.

All of a sudden, the ballpark erupts in what I know is something huge and game-ending. My sister-in-law calls my mother-in-law to see what happened because my mother-in-law always watches the games.

Sarah: "Mom, what just happened?"

Mom: "What do you mean what just happened? Aren't you there?" (I feel a stabbing pain in my chest)

Sarah: "Yeah, but we left before it was over"

Mom: "Ryan Howard hit a 2 run walk-off home run." (The stabbing pain just went to my head.)

Then we got stuck in night construction traffic on I-95.

I am better today. The most important thing was that the Phillies won and that guy wearing the Mets shirt in the section next to me went home with a stabbing pain in his head.

One Ringy Dingy.....

2007-08-23T10:10:00.001-04:00

What’s your ring like? You know, your cell phone ring. I have decided that cell phone rings are intimately related to our personalities. I know, I can hear you………….NO DUH!! I just never really thought about it before. I have heard so many types of rings……..at airports, in meetings, (please mute your phone does not apply to these people), on the street, in the restaurant, in the store, etc. etc. We just can’t seem to get along without our cell phone. Mine always gets a laugh the first time someone hears it. I wonder if that was my motive or whether it made me laugh when I heard it and then I just had to have it……….Patience, I will tell you what it is in a minute. Now it makes me jump every time my phone rings. I have heard Classical music rings (nice), music box rings (nice), rap music rings (not nice) specific rings for specific people (very clever, but it would require that I find out how to do it, or download it, or something else I don’t wish to put forth the effort to do at this time), regular telephone rings (not imaginative, but at least you know it is the phone. How many times have I heard a ring and thought, “What the heck IS that?”), beeps, whistles, buzzes, animal sounds, movie lines, television theme songs, famous people…………….there all out there ready to be downloaded and annoying at any time. One guy I know has chickens as his ringtone….what does that mean?

I can live without my cell phone. My kids will tell you that I almost never answer it and that it’s dead a lot of the time. (Mainly I don’t answer because I can’t find the darn thing in the abyss of my pocketbook until after it goes to voicemail). My feeling is that my cell phone is for my convenience, not yours. Cell phones are ridiculously expensive and I hate all of the cell phone companies. They charge too much for features no one uses and don’t really need (if I really want to be close to the internet at all times why can’t I have a chip and monitor implanted into my arm?) and their contracts are prison sentences for your wallet. Not only that, but I remember the days when you had to yell into the phone to be heard long distance on a land line; I thought we were long over the days of having to yell “You’re breaking up again, I can’t understand you…Hello?……….Hello?” Not to mention, when I travel for business, the best thing about traveling is that no one from the office can reach me because I am traveling. I don’t get these guys walking down the jetway with their bluetooth on (Man! That’s another post) sitting in their seat talking (so everyone can hear, I might add) until the flight attendant threatens expulsion from the plane, and then firing it up again the minute the wheels touch terra firma. How important do you think you are, anyway? My cell phone goes to voicemail “Sorry I am unavailable at this time, please leave a message”. I may listen to them at some point.

The ones that really get me though are the guys in Walmart during the middle of the day in their overalls (seriously) with their bluetooth on like they are expecting a call from Wall Street. Or the person that I know does not work, does not want to work, nor ever intends to work going everywhere with the bluetooth attached to the ear. (I know, you don't have to work to need a cell phone or a bluetooth, but really, how long are you away from your phone? Do you really need a bluetooth?)
Would y’all just STOP it!! It looks ridiculous. Of course, now I have to say that I have a bluetooth that I wear when I am on call and driving, but I am immediately admonished if I don’t take it off when I enter my home.
BUT, I digress. I was talking about ring tones. So what’s your ring tone? Mine is the Tarzan yell,…………how annoying is that?!!

Did anyone miss me?

2007-08-22T13:01:00.000-04:00

A year? It's been a year since I posted? What? No one noticed? No one has notified me demanding that I entertain with my wit and charm? I'm really hurt.

I have added 2 new grandsons to the family in the last year. Well, actually, I didn't add anyone; my daughter and my daughter-in-law really did all the work. Kevin James Donaldson will be 1 year old on the 30th of August, and Ronin Wayne Ennis entered my son's household on May 7th, of this year.

Let's see, oh yes, I had a little thing happen last week. I work for a hospice organization on a part-time basis. No, it is not depressing, I actually enjoy the families and feel like I help them. On this occasion last week, however, I found myself in an awkward situation. I arrived at a patient's home to administer a pain medication at about 1:30 in the morning. (Don't ask why, it doesn't matter) There was an LPN at the patient's home who was supposed to be caring for the patient (no, she could not administer this medication, that's why I was there.) She was asleep on the couch. Not a big deal, that can happen on occasion, but I was going to have to wake her up and make sure she was doing what she was supposed to be doing. After taking care of the patient, I gently shook the sleeping nurse on the couch. No response except for a snore. I shook her again......................no response. Well, let's try shaking a little harder, she must really sleep deeply. Took hold of both shoulders and shook......................no response. Shook much harder and yelled her name.................now her head was lobbing back and forth................Oh My! Her eyes were rolled up in the back of her head. Kept shaking her and calling her name.....................OK, slap her face several times..................no response................Slap, shake, yell, give a sternal rub..................no response............. Spit on her lips, skin a little gray,.....................what the heck is going on, she is snoring.................she has a pulse........................What is that piece of plastic sticking out between her lips?????????????? Did she choke on something???????? Is her airway a bit obstructed????????????Pulled the piece of plastic out of her mouth.............what in the world is this????????You're kidding, right?????? The printing on the plastic indicates that it is the remnant of a 25mcg fentanyl patch.

For those of you not familiar with fentanyl, it is a pain reliever, is used in anesthesia, and is about 80 times more potent than morphine. It has been popularized around these parts by addicts who die after injecting fentanyl laced herion. It is bad stuff used inappropriately, and can be lethal, especially for those people who wish to get high by letting the patch dispense its properties through the soft tissue of your mouth. No choice here, I have to call 911. So I knocked on the bedroom door of the patients' spouse and said "I need to borrow your phone, I have to call 911 for the nurse." Talk about your awkward moment.

The nurse? You're calling 911 for the nurse?

Yes ma'm, the nurse is not waking up, but don't worry, she has a pulse and is breathing. (However, she has OD'd on your couch)

Hello 911? Yes, I have a non-responsive patient here that needs to go to the hospital. Yes, she is breathing, yes, she has a pulse, no I don't know anything about her. I took a fentanyl patch out of her mouth, yes, you heard me correctly................Yes, I said MOUTH.

Paramedics arrive, get her on a stretcher, start an IV, put on a rebreather mask, administer narcan......that will wake her up. Sure enough, she begins to stir, and as the reality of what has transpired begins to sink in I can see the fear/confusion/terror in her eyes. Whereas I was concerned for her well-being prior, I am now immediately struck by how sorry I feel for her. I almost wish I could have saved her from what will surely become a nightmare in the next few days. She will most likely lose her license, and she will have to face her addiction (I won't go into why I know this was not an accident, but it wasn't. Of course, accidentally putting a fentanyl patch is your mouth is pretty far-fetched.)

So, I am back on the blog trail. Just think about how many stories you missed while I was away!! Maybe I can update the look of the site in the next couple of weeks.

No Lip Gloss?

2006-08-12T09:19:00.000-04:00

I started this post last night, (8/10/06) but when I went to save the draft, it disappeared due to the blogsite ‘down for maintenance’ message. That is annoying because I can’t write the same thing twice. So all my good thoughts (“good” being a relative term) are now lost, and I have to start again. You may be wondering what my title means…………Suffice it to say that I was in the midst of a business trip when the Brits successfully foiled a plot by the bad guys to do mass destruction in the sky. Good job! However, as we all know now, NO LIQUIDS are allowed on any flights. No hairspray, no gels, no lipstick, no perfume, no lip gloss, no nail polish, no hand cleaner, no Tide Stick (I’m messy), no sodas, no deodorant, no mouthwash, no, no, no!!! All the things that I paste myself together with in the morning are not allowed in carry-on luggage. All I can say is I think just punishment for the terrorist plotters would be to turn them over to women who travel. They would not come out alive………….I am glad this is not a long trip, I would arrive home limp-haired, bare-faced, lips pale, (scary), with BO and halitosis. When I called home; my husband said, “Just throw it away!” Oh how he doesn’t understand!! I paid $21.00 for one bottle of hair stuff, $23.00 for a tube of lipstick, and the list goes on. Forget about my jewelry, I am carrying $1000.00 worth of toiletries!

Ok, I know the next suggestion would be “What’s the big deal, check the bag”. This is the biggest problem of all. Think about it, how many business travelers check a bag? VERY few, I would guess less than 1%. I can’t remember the last time I checked a bag……OK, I can, but that was a trip lasting 2 weeks, I can only get a week in a carry-on. We scoff at luggage carousels, are smug with those that stand in lost baggage areas, and smile as we pass our plane mates tapping their toes waiting for their luggage to be vomited out onto the eternal circle. My choice today is this, do I overnight all my precious liquids, or do I check the bag? Seriously folks, this took a lot of debate on my part last night. To check or not to check, that is the question? Tis better to have hairspray against all other bags in the hold? I guess the decision came when I realized that if I sent my stuff overnight, it wouldn’t be back in my hands until Monday since today is Friday; and I’m cheap, I just couldn’t see paying for a Saturday delivery. So I checked it. Now back to the major problem with this. More people checking bags, more bags in hold, more bags to get lost, more chance someone might just reach in there and take that $21.00 bottle of hair stuff

I just can't believe this

2006-08-03T08:24:00.000-04:00

Well, it has been much much too long since I posted. I had all these good intentions about positng the rest of my trip to China, but it seems a litte crazy to wait until I get that information all together. Life is passing me by with all kinds of great things to talk about. I've missed a few really good opportunities and I think I better get back in the saddle. For instance....this morning has been lovely.....This will be your daily laugh.

Last night my car sprung a coolant leak (yes, in this horrible weather). I got it home before it went into the red, but it has to go to the shop today. That not funny, you say? Well, there's more. My dear husband said I could drive his truck to work today. OK, all is well. Still not funny? Oh, OK. My daughter came over last night and parked behind her dad's truck. When she got ready to leave she could not find her keys. No problem, how far could a set of keys go in an hour? It is now 16 hours later and we have not found the keys. Not enough? Thinking we could jockey the truck out of the driveway (sadly, I have had to do this maneuver before) this morning we went out in the lovely summer weather and began to back it up and pull it forward until it came in contact with my sons' boat which sits in the sideyard. Guess what? can't get it around the boat OR the car! Now the shower I took the morning seems like it never happened because I am covered in sweat and my hair is dripping. My husband is cursing (something he rarely does), and our driveway looks like a tornado picked up the truck and set it askew AND it's only 8:00 a.m.!! Frustrated does not begin to describe how I am feeling at the moment...................A locksmith is now on his way to see if we can get a key to Lindsey's car. I have about 6 meetings on my clendar to cancel today, and it continues to be 100 degrees every day. I am taking a deep breath and trying to see the humor in all of this. Blogging......goo therapy!

Food Fest! Have you had your duck blood today?

2005-11-29T11:34:00.000-05:00

We went to the Shanghai Jade Garden. I think that was the name. I am obviously behind on this blog and am pulling things from memory. If you have a big party going into a restaurant here in China, they have separate rooms in which to dine. I mean real separate rooms with doors and a big table and a couch and credenza and your own wait staff. I must say that the food service is very fast in restaurants here. Then again, when you don’t take the time to debone, skin, or remove anything on an animal, it makes it pretty easy to fix. I can’t even remember all of the food that came out. There had to be 20 different dishes. I think this is where the frog legs were served rather than at my first meal. They eat a lot of duck. Smoked duck, spicy duck, roasted duck, cold duck, warm duck, AFLAK!!!!

There were ginko nuts, (I had chestnuts the night before), duck, frog legs, Chinese cabbage, fish, (this time I saw it come to the table) shrimp, (heads, feet, everything), dish after dish of different things and some kind of rice wine thing for desert. Let me say now that they do not know what sweet is in China. Chocolate is not popular. You can get it, but it is not appreciated. Desserts are not as we know them. Then again, I did not see heavy people. I could never buy anything in a clothing store here. XXL fits my size 5 daughter. One of the things that I particularly liked was the lotus root. It was deep-fried and was stuffed with meat, probably pork, which was very tasty. There were dumplings. I grew fond of Chinese dumplings dipped in a soy vinegar sauce while I was there. There was a rice, (I assume), bread that looked like a dumpling but tasted like a roll that was good, and a chicken and vegetable dish that looked like something you might actually get at a Chinese restaurant in the US. I had to have a fork and knife, I still could not use the chopsticks, and I would have been totally nervous in front of all those people using them. The problem is, forks and knives are not conducive to Chinese food. There is too much to spit out. Duck bones, fish bones, hard things, (don’t ask, I really don’t know), and long stuff that you can’t put in your mouth all at once; it’s a messy business, and western utensils just don’t work. You can’t pull shrimp heads out of your mouth with a fork, but chopsticks work real well. I don’t know how they shell those suckers while they are in their mouths, but I was amazed. I just did it with my fingers, there was no way I was going to master that talent on the first try. Plus, I really did not want to bite off a shrimp head. I thought at first that they were eating them, but I was mistaken (at least I think so). I saw something that pleased me. There were supposed to be 12 of us at lunch, but there were only 9 so everything that was served had 3 left over. When we left the restaurant, someone took some of the leftovers in a doggie bag. Looks like some cultural things are universal.

With lunch and evaluations behind us, we went back to the office. Every time I was in the office, I tried to get as much done as possible. It was my only network time and I was so far behind from losing a day that I was never going to catch up with my other responsibilities. At around 6:00 “J” was asking if I would like to go for dinner. It had been a long day, and we were both ready to go, so off we went to dinner. We ate in one of the the shopping mall/office buildings that were close to the office. Tonight it is spicy Szechwan food. I love spicy food. “J” orders for us. She asks me what I would like to try, but I am game for anything and tell her to order what she likes. Tonight I will try the chopsticks. First comes a cold dish of fish. It looks like it has been fried. “J” tells me how to eat around the bones. I tell you, that is the hardest thing I am finding about the food here. I know why everyone is so thin. They work off calories as they eat by eating around bones! The smaller portions may be part of it too. They aren't like the American "hogs to the trough" size. Anyway, although I am not a huge fish fan, this is alright. Using the chopsticks seems to be easy at this point, and “J” actually says I am doing a good job.

Have I mentioned how great “J” is? She has been an absolute treasure since I have gotten here. She is very protective and has been at my side for every move.

Next dish is a cold dish of jellyfish head. OK, I had that last night and it wasn’t my favorite, but different restaurant, different taste……..maybe. Ok…………..NOT a different taste. I just can’t get over that gristly chewy texture, cause really, what can you do to "see through goo" to make it taste different? My son has made this comment “At what point do you see a jellyfish and decide Huh! That would be tasty!” Then again, he is an assistant manager at a plasma donation site and one donor made the comment that he would like to taste his plasma (his own, not my son’s). So anything is possible I guess. One more thing on the jellyfish, one of my colleagues told me that it was one of his favorite dishes, but his wife didn’t like it. He said he liked to eat it with a little piece hanging out of his lip to gross her out. HAHAHAHA! Men are the same everywhere aren’t they?

Next dish was a spicy eggplant. I liked this. When “J” was ordering, she wanted to make sure I wanted to try it because it was very hot. I said if she could eat it, I could eat it. Texas chili, jalapenos, habaneras, and a pepper that comes from Guam that is unbelievably hot have tempered my mouth over the years. I didn’t think I would have any problem with this. Sorry, no funny story here, it really was not as hot as I expected it to be, but it was very tasty.

Now we have a dish served that is duck blood and something else. When I ask what the "something else" is, the answer is “beef intestine”. OK, I am here; I am game. I just can’t figure out how the little squares of duck blood stay congealed when it is hot. It has the consistency of slippery tofu. It is a little harder to pick up with chopsticks, but if you are careful it can be done. Now I ask you, what is the proper way to eat duck blood? Do you chew it, or do you just let it slide down? I remember many many years ago; I went to a party where there were raw oysters served. I put Tabasco sauce on them and just sucked them down out of the shell. No chewing involved. Are raw oysters still alive? I really liked them and ate too many. I wasn’t doing so well the next day. I don’t think I have had raw oysters since then. Anyway, I just picked up the DB and gave it one bite then let it slide. I don’t think I can give a fair evaluation of the taste because my brain was going “YOU’RE EATING DUCK BLOOD!! YOU’RE EATING DUCK BLOOD!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU’RE EATING DUCK BLOOD!!” It kind of overwhelmed my taste center, and in turn made my gag reflex go “Brain has told me you are eating duck blood, abort……abort……abort!” However, I was able to push through this and get it down along with a couple more. I tried the beef intestine too. It was speckled brown ( I am hoping that was the natural color after cleaning) and a little rubbery; kind of like eating a piece of fat. This was not my favorite dish so far, but everything has to be given a chance. By this time I hear Scotty (another Star Trek reference for those of you who don’t know) in my brain “I’ve tried everything capt’n and I can’t get her to respond. She’s eating everything they put in front of her!”

Last dish is a dessert. “J” likes sweets. She is a very attractive woman, tall and slender, but she thinks she is too heavy. My left leg is bigger than her…………….

Anyway, sweets in China are not very sweet. Many people do not like sweets and any chocolate that you find is not indigenous to the area. The same goes for pastries, breads, cheeses, milk, (although there is soy milk). This dessert was a boiled dumpling with brown lacing which was sesame and in the middle was mildly sweet black sesame. Interestingly, the sesame in the middle was as dry as a bone. This came to the table in a hot bowl of water with a ladle to scoop out the dumplings. I assume it is the same water in which it was cooked. This was tasty. Not a chocolate mousse by any stretch, but still tasty.

After dinner we walk back to the hotel. My feet are beginning to feel painful. I have been walking more than I usually do and I only brought dress shoes with me. The ones I have on are flats, but it feels like I have been walking barefoot and the balls of my feet are painful and that stupid pinky toe on my right foot has curved under my 4th toe again making it go pointy because when I walk, I walk on the side of the toe. After walking all day at the hospital, it is bothering me. And I have been walking up stairs………I am just fine on a level surface, but stairs kill me. I am already hypoxic most of the time and I get air hungry pretty quickly on stairs. I feel like “The Little Engine That Could” going up stairs. I THINK I can, I THINK I can, I THINK I can. As long as I don’t have to talk for a few minutes after I finish climbing, I am OK.

Tomorrow is a big day. I will be doing training for the staff at the hospital. One of the team members here in the office has made my slides bilingual. That should help.

Business......Chinese Style; Shanghai Dairies Continued

2005-11-18T03:26:00.000-05:00

OK, dinner is over, it’s almost 8:00, guess what I get to do? Gather my computer bag up and walk back to the hotel. It’s only 2 blocks, but my legs feel like rubber bands and guess what I did? I wore a new pair of shoes…..Having a college education doesn’t mean anything sometimes……….

”J” (I’ll call my colleague “J” here for her privacy) walked back with me since she is staying in the same hotel; I am so glad she is here. She can give me CPR when I collapse. There isn’t much to say about what happened after I got back to the hotel. I fell asleep approximately 30 seconds after I hit the bed. That was probably 8:30.

Why is it that no matter how long you go without sleep, you cannot sleep an equal amount of time to make up for it? I awoke at 4:30 a.m. It was weird; I was on the same clock as when I travel from the East coast to the West coast. I always end up going to bed at around 8-9 West Coast time and getting up at 4:30-5:00 in the morning. It didn’t matter, I felt really good, but I knew it would only last until mid-afternoon. I had plenty of time to get up, get dressed, put my things away, (they were just thrown on the floor or in my suitcase……fatigue makes a slob out of the most fastidious), and write a bit. I tried to get my work priorities in place, but without being connected to the network, it left me without the tools I needed to get it together.

I didn’t eat any breakfast, but my stomach was recovering from the whole time and food thing. While your brain does a wonderful job of thinking, organizing, rationalizing, and understanding what you are doing, the rest of the body is out of the communication loop. It’s like a big organization that keeps its employees informed only as much as necessary. The message is “Do your work as normal, we will take care of any outside disturbances.” In the meantime, there is all this turmoil and stimuli that affect the ability to work normally. The stomach is trying to deal with new unfamiliar work and no training, the digestive system just makes it up as it goes along, and then there are the various systems that just go on strike………..like my leg muscles who have had a cushy job most of their life. Now they have to work harder, and they just don’t want to. I can just hear those little muscle cells saying. “That’s it!! I’m done!! She is being ridiculous with this forced overtime!”
Today is the day we go to the site and try to play nice with the persons who will be doing our work. I have to do an evaluation of the site and meet with the PI (principle investigator). I have been trying to learn the proper manners and protocol to deal with this. In business, I like to be direct. I like people to be direct with me. That way there is no mistaking what the expectations are. If I have a question, I will ask, I don’t care how dumb it sounds. There is nothing worse than beating around the bush. Here, however, I have to be careful not to offend anyone. It’s not that I am a person that will offend normally it’s just that it’s a cultural thing I guess. We went to the hospital and met with our expert………nothing like kissing some tushy. I got a whole history of the hospital and how it was related to the university and how the government is moving forward with guidelines on drugs and food. (Maybe the drugs part…….but you will never convince me that they have any control over the quality of food…………….any country that eats bull penis will say any food is OK.)

Now I get a tour (I am evaluating as I go) of the hospital and the clinical unit. First of all let me say that the nurses still wear caps. As a nurse, please……….they must not have any male nurses here. Can you just picture male nurses in caps? There are many that think nurses should go back to all white clothing with caps………..(my husband)………….I think they all have some kind of fantasy issue because then come the short skirts and garter belts to go with it.

Back to the tour: The hospital was built in 1936, and has some original architecture that is really cool. It is very traditional Chinese architecture with the turned up eves and such. However, I feel like I have stepped into a 1920’s horror movie with Dr. Frankenstein just around the corner. It’s not the technology or the medical capabilities that bother me, I am sure that they are quite capable and heaven knows they are intelligent and work hard, but the visuals around me are just plain scary. Patients are walking around inside and out in their convict style PJs and they don’t look very clean. Peeking up the halls into the “wards” (which I never got to see) it looks like something out of a war movie. Stark bare walls, dark hallways, people crammed together everywhere, and smells of cooking food permeate the halls and walkways. (Later I saw one of the sources of food. On the bottom floor outside there is a store and they are cooking something in a pot in front of the store. Mind you, this is still part of the hospital but it is in a breezeway that is open that connects one part of the hospital to another.) The city streets and the hospital seem to merge into one mass of humanity. We walked through to a new building (they were quite proud of the newness; it did look nice) that was the outpatient area. We were one floor up and could look over the whole floor beneath us. The outside wall is actually a huge window 2 stories tall and you can see outside on the sidewalks and inside to the outpatient area. I was astonished to see hundreds (really—there were hundreds) of people lined up against the windows an all over the downstairs. This was not an emergency room, but an outpatient clinic. One of my Chinese colleagues leaned over to me and said, “They are waiting to see a doctor.” Whaaaaaaa? how does that work? How many days do you have to wait? Do you take a number? I should have asked, but I was too dumbstruck to think of it. I felt so badly for them, I wanted to go down and help. At lease I could do some assessements...........Oh never mind, I don't speak Chinese. Doctors are not allowed to have private practices here (however, dentists may), so you can’t make an appointment to see a doctor. I asked if they have government insurance and the answer was “Some people do.” meaning those that work for the government, and not even all of them. I asked if business’s offer healthcare and the answer was “Some do, but it isn’t always very good.” Sounds familiar doesn’t it? We continue on. I still have the images of all of those people in my head. They were sick too…..coughing and hacking and laying around. People were waiting inside and outside sitting on the sidewalks, inpatients are walking around, stretchers are being pushed inside and outside people, people, and more people everywhere. (Do any of you remember the Star Trek [original Star Trek] episode where only Captain Kirk and one girl were on the Enterprise? She kept dancing around the ship not wanting to tell the capatin why she was there. She seemed to run from place to place and then at the end you see out of the window that people are jammed together all over the planet with no room? It was a 60's attempt to makes us aware of the population explosion. Anyway, that is what keeps coming to mind around here.)

A few feet away was the pharmacy; it was mobbed. It reminded me of the floor of the New York stock exchange, you know with people hollering and yelling and making motions with their hands that only other traders understand. You can buy drugs outside of the hospital, but then insurance doesn’t cover it (if you have it), but the price is the same.

We get on an elevator to go to the clinical lab. How many people can you fit on an elevator in China? Let’s just say it is a lot. I was standing there with my arms pinned down to my side crammed into the side of the elevator while more people attempted to get on. Now, I am a head taller than most everyone in there and if you have seen “Toy Story” I felt like Woody did when he fell into the toy machine.

We go to the clinical lab and again this is an outpatient area for clinical hematology, clinical chemistry, and urinalysis. I caught a glimpse of how they collect blood. They have about 10-15 windows like bank teller windows, except they are down low so you can sit. You stick your arm through the window and the phlebotomist on the other side takes your blood. I guess it is space saving and efficient. NEXT!!

So we go into the lab……………………..You come through one set of doors and then the lab is in the middle with another set of doors. That’s good, except the lab doors are wide open and samples are sitting everywhere. That wouldn’t be so bad except they are all without tops. So open samples are sitting open in the lab with the open lab doors. I am cringing. I am not going to complain about the lab set-up because that isn’t the focus……….but they are not even covered. EW!……….. What if someone slipped and fell and knocked a table over………… The same conditions where the urinalysis is done………………..open tubes of pee everywhere. Far be it from me to criticize.

Now back through the human mass to the study unit. It looks like a prison camp. Dark, dank, stark concrete walls and floors, 4 beds to a room. The rooms have little light and no room to move around. They are about the size of 4 and ½ beds. My big request here is please move the crash cart into the hall where you can at least get to it if you need it. It is well stocked.

The lab that will be processing the blood samples for the study is eerily quiet. It isn’t the hospital lab, but a separate lab for studies. It is lifeless and pretty bare. The essentials are there, but that is about it. The –70 freezer has me worried. They keep assuring me that it has plenty of room, but I just don’t buy it. It is all they have; I guess I am going to have to believe them for the moment.

Now that we have schmoozed, toured, and I have asked my questions, it is time for everyone to go to lunch……………..Everyone is going from both sides. This will be fun.

Hungry? Let's Eat Real Chinese Food!

2005-11-15T04:02:00.000-05:00

This is a long post.... get some popcorn!

I get into the shower and as I get out the phone rings. They want to come and get me now. Give me 20 minutes I tell them…..I throw on some clothes, put on a new face and get my laptop and presentation ready. No rest for the weary. Since we had never met, I had to take a guess that the business clad woman and her male companion were my Shanghai colleagues. How hard could it be to guess that I was the one they were looking for? Large blond woman with a rolling computer bag coming toward you had to be me. I was right and they were too. Although the office was within walking distance, (I didn’t know this at the time) we took a cab. It would have been faster to walk, (I am telling you, you cannot believe the traffic) but I was glad for the ride. By the time I completed the training it was 3:30, (2:30 a.m. at home). Now it is time to go from the meeting room to the offices. (I am going on 43 hours without quality sleep. What is wrong with this picture?) I am now doing paperwork, catching up on emails that I can’t do anything about at the moment (did I mention that I have about 3 other projects going on simultaneously?) and trying to stay awake while refraining from biting someone’s head off and spitting it into the garbage can. I pop off a few emails to home, copy a post here, and it is approaching 6 p.m. (5.a.m. at home; 45.5 hours; I want a bed). The new director of clinical operations stops by……….now they want to take me to dinner. “How nice, that would be lovely!” I say. I am crying on the inside. Thankfully the restaurant is in the office complex. Very nice restaurant and the food is good.

Let’s just take a few minutes here and discuss Chinese eating and Chinese food, shall we? I have learned that there is a difference in Chinese cuisine. It differs from region to region, just like our American food differs from north to south, east to west. Since Shanghai is a port city, seafood is quite popular. The northern regions like Beijing have more pork, chicken and beef, and there is Shanghai styles of food as well as Cantonese and Szechwan. The Chinese are very parsimonious, very frugal, and take pride in the fact that they don’t waste any part of an animal (sea type or land type). Keep that in mind for the future………… Being the adventurous type, I am more than happy to try anything. I don’t get squeamish about much, and feel that just because I don’t happen to eat what you eat doesn’t mean it’s not worth eating. I came here game to try it all. I have not been disappointed, but we’ll get to that later.

I have to tell kind of a funny story here before I go on. I ate breakfast on the plane, but it was after lunch by the time I got to the offices. The physician that I was traveling with came in a week before me. She is Chinese and I just adore her. She told me that they wanted to get me KFC or McDonalds for lunch. She told them “No, get her Chinese food!” She knew me well enough to know that that would be OK. KFC is the most recognized brand in China………….can you believe that? I probably would have laughed out loud had I come in to a lunch of KFC. They got Chinese fast food which was duck and something else, but never got a chance to even take a bite because we hit the ground running. I right this post at odd hours in the very early morning or very late at night, because I don’t have any other time.

I love the way the Chinese eat. For larger groups, the table is big and round with a lazy susan in the middle on which to place the various dishes. The first time I experienced this was in Los Angeles at a local Chinese restaurant that really had very few employees that spoke English. I just pointed to pictures and let them bring the food to my table. I wasn’t sure what I was eating, but the experience was fun. Anyway, eating is such an experience. There were 6 of us out to dinner. The meals start with appetizers. It is customary to have cold dishes and hot dishes. They seem to bring out at least 3 of each. Each person has a little plate. Not a dinner plate, more like a dessert plate. You just take a taste or two of everything that is on the table. There is always much more food than one can eat, but the Chinese custom is to leave something. If you eat all of the food you have indicated to them that they have not provided enough for you to eat. Everyone eats out of the community bowl or plate on the lazy susan. That works with chopsticks, but not so well with forks and knives. I didn’t attempt the chopsticks this time around. I just didn’t have a clue on how to use them and I was so tired I could barely hold the things I knew how to use. The utensils they brought me were huge, it’s like you have to rest the handle of the fork on your shoulder. We had octopus, smoked duck, frog’s legs, seaweed, jellyfish, some vegetable dishes; I can’t even remember everything they brought out. I like octopus, I have had that before, so far so good. Jellyfish looks like what you would expect it to look like…..I did taste it but it has little a grissly crunch to it like you are eating, well,……gristle. I had that look on my face like you get when you try to smile after eating something really gross…….you know one side of your lip goes up trying to smile and the other side is trying to pull it down…. the “Oh yes, this is good!” look while a shiver goes down your spine and your belly is trying to toss it out while yelling “What the H….did you just put in here?!” Smoked duck is good, and the fish was really good. The presentation was awesome. The whole fish in red sauce (not tomato, some kind of sweet sauce) with, I think scallops and shrimp mixed in. Just a note on seafood here; when you go into the restaurant and see the lovely fish tanks, they are not for decoration;………… it’s dinner……..they bring the flopping fish to the table in a bucket for the host to approve, shortly thereafter, flipper is on the table. Now that is fresh seafood! It is all done discretely, I never even noticed it this time, but I did watch for it at later meals and sure enough they did it. I guess it is not much different that picking a lobster out of a tank….. There were separate dishes with different kinds of mushrooms and shallots, sliced pork and all kinds of things. The dessert was a layered jello-type thing cut in chunks with red and pink layers, but it isn’t sweet. The pink layer is like a coconut or tofu layer. They really do not have sweets here. Of course, the guest of honor is offered the fish head……………. It is the best part, and that is the reason it is offered to the guest. While they gave me this information, they did not force it on me. Good thing…………while I am open to trying most anything, after almost 48 hours without sleep, I probably would have barfed it up on the table and then passed out.

Day 1 foods to remember: Octopus, Seaweed, Frogs Legs, and Jellyfish….tried them all and with the exception of the jellyfish, it wasn’t so bad. The only thing is that I am always surprised by bones in the food. The pieces served are small, but they don’t debone anything, so I have to constantly spit the bones out on the plate. Believe it or not, this is much easier to do with chopsticks than with American style utensils. Chopsticks give you the option of holding and eating the food without putting it all in your mouth at once. The bones can then be “sucked” clean of meat instead of sticking the whole piece in your mouth chewing it up and trying to spit out the offending structure.

I Really Want To Go To Bed! Shanghai Dairies

2005-11-14T00:40:00.000-05:00

This is the 2nd post today, please go to the previous post before you read this............Ma

Just then, the official back from break beckoned me to come to his side. One hour and 35 minutes after arriving (forty-two minutes were spent in line), I was on my way to pick up my bag. Thankfully, I remembered the carousel that was announced for our pick up. A service person was taking the three remaining bags that were left from our flight off the conveyer. At least I didn’t have to wait. Everyone else was gone. (The other 2 bags probably belonged to No Visa Guy.) With nothing to declare, I zipped through customs and out to the area where I saw my name on a sign. Bags were popped into a car from the hotel and off I went.

I was amazed and a little disappointed to see how modern the highway away from the airport was. The airport was pretty modern too, and big. I remember when my family arrived in Greece in 1969. We walked off the plane into a big warehouse with long tables. That was the extent of the airport and customs. What a hoot. They did build an airport while I lived there, but it just wasn’t the same. The world has become small and has lost some of its natural wonder due to the “businification” (I just made that word up) of the world money-makers. Anyway, the highway was pretty modern, and I thought “My goodness, how we have Westernized the world. What a shame.” I guess it isn’t all bad, but I believe that heritage and culture are so important to preserve. I did see beyond the highway boundaries, however, what appeared to be large abandoned buildings, or buildings in need of repair. It seemed that the modern might have been obscuring a stark reality.

As we neared the city, what was a sunny, humid day began to disappear behind a wall of smog. I began to see building after building after building that reached straight up into the sky; hundreds of them, as far as you could see. Apartments? I saw laundry drying from every imaginable place. There can’t possibly be this many apartments. They are apartments…………..a lot of people live here……………….(17,000,000 I found out later)

Do we want to discuss driving? Never in a million years would I drive here, and I will drive anywhere……..but NEVER here. My company provides drivers for their employees when they get transferred here…….it is safer and cheaper……does that tell you anything? Let me just say this. The flight attendant from Philadelphia to London told me that the traffic lights have only been in Shanghai for about 5 years. People consider them a suggestion……….it’s true. I have never seen anything like this; thousands of bikes, mopeds, motorized bikes, pedestrians, taxis, making 4 lanes out of 2. Forget lanes---that would make a presumption of order and believe me there is not order. The cars come so close to each other that I can’t watch. People walk out in the street darting in and out between cars and bikes and other cars. The horns are constant. The streets and sidewalks teem with people; it is a raucous kaleidoscope of sounds and smells…………..It’s so cool. I get to the hotel where I am whisked away at the door by a greeter who takes me directly to my room. They were expecting me; I didn’t even have to check in at the desk. The room is really very nice, and the bathroom is exquisite (always one of my rating standards for a hotel). I have been traveling roughly 28 hours and awake (if you don’t count the poor quality of sleep on the plane) for about 40 hours. I want to rest…….I sat down on the bed………..ahhhhhhhhh………….I laid down on the bed……….ohhhhhhhhhhhh…………….I do not dare close my eyes…………..I did. Luckily, I only dozed for about 40 minutes. I forced myself up and decided that I really needed another shower before I had to go to the office. I am surprised that they had not called me already.

More to Come......

Are We There Yet? Shanghai Dairies Continued

2005-11-14T00:36:00.000-05:00

Do you know how long an 11-hour flight is? Do you know that you can’t sleep for 11 hours on an airplane……(with 50 strangers, mostly men, side by side, etc…) no matter how tired you are? Do you know that you have no choice but to use the airplane bathroom? (Because the flight is 11 hours, but you are on the plane at least 12, not to mention the time waiting before getting on.) Did you know that no matter how nice the meals are (again very nice 3-course and breakfast too) you are just really annoyed at having to be in a space that is just not big enough? I have been on long flights overseas before, but this one just really never seemed to end. I ate, I slept, I watched a movie, and there was 9 hours left. I walked, I read, I watched another movie, and there was 7 1/2 hours left. The video screen was pretty cool; they had a map that showed the course the plan was on. I learned some geography. I watched it intermittently over the whole flight. We flew between 37000 feet and the highest was 39500 feet at one point. It gave air speed and tail wind and all kind of interesting things……Can you tell how bored I was? So I watched another movie, walked some more, (had to keep the blood flowing, don’t want a stroke.) and slept a little bit and there was still 4 hours to go. I was so excited when breakfast was ready to be served….I knew the time to land would be soon.

You know when you fly British Airways, even though we speak the same basic language, we still have a hard time understanding each other. I had to repeat myself every time the flight attendant asked me a question. I also wasn’t sure exactly what I was being asked at times. For breakfast they wanted to know if I wanted muesli or pancakes. I thought they said something that sounded more like mucous, but remembered it was a type of oatmeal or something, but because I wasn’t totally sure, and it sounded too much like something gross, I said pancakes, at least I knew what I might expect. Good choice. They were really like crepes with sweet apples in the middle. Yummy!

Landing! Landing! I can’t believe we are landing! I was so happy to be getting to where I was going. However, an announcement before we land. “We will be coming through the cabin spraying insecticide, this should not be bothersome. If you wear contacts or glasses, you may want to cover your eyes as we pass.” What????? This should not be bothersome???? You are going to spray poison in closed quarters and please, I shouldn’t worry about it? What is the Chinese government afraid we are going to bring in? Bol Weevils??? And they DID spray. She held 2 canisters above her head and walked through the plane all the way down one side and up the other! The she stopped to talk to someone while standing there spraying for at least 30 seconds. Another passenger finally said something and she moved on. I guess I am not too concerned about me, but if I were part of that flight crew that had to inhale insecticide every time I took that flight, I might have a problem. Man! I just realized…….it is now Tuesday morning 9:30 am. I left my house at 7 p.m. Sunday night.
My Chinese colleague that I was meeting had told me that November would be a good time to go to Shanghai because it would not be the horrible summer heat and humidity. Anyone who knows me knows that when it comes to heat and especially humidity, I am a great big baby. I don’t like it hot, and I really don’t like it humid. Sweat rolling down my back, soaking my hair, melting my face, and making me look like a giant brick of butter left out at a summer barbeque is not my idea of pleasant. So I expected it to be at least neutral. Well, there wasn’t a breath of air in this stark, bare cavernous airport. We walked a half-mile to get to the lines to check passports. (After we handed our official declaration of health to the official collecting them. Evidently, you have to say you are in good health when you arrive, or describe your symptoms if you are not. They just sprayed me with poison…..how could I know how I was now?) I picked one line and then changed to a shorter one. You know what that means don’t you? There is always a reason that a line is short when all others around it are long. The 2 persons checking passports were quite thorough. Each check took at least 2 minutes. I stood in line watching the digital clock tick off minute after minute feeling water roll down my back and feeling my face turn into a Picasso. No siree! No one was getting into this country without a thorough check at this line. In the meantime, 2 more flights have arrived and are now in lines that are passing me, but I refuse to budge. No changing midstream. I stood there from 1025 until 1105. There was now one person ahead of me. He was a kindly looking gent from the UK. A door opened to the far left and on the other side of the booths and out came the change of shift for the passport desks, or at least back-ups. They must have been on break. That one gentleman from the UK?….….Between me and my bags and freedom?……He had no visa. No visa!! What were you thinking? He kept saying “I didn’t’ t think I needed a visa!” One man…..between me…..and……my……ride …..to …..the …..hotel. I felt a little vein pop in my head.

I'm gonna make it just wait and see............

Shanghai Dairies Continued

2005-11-10T01:08:00.000-05:00

I received the wonderful little travel pack with socks, sleeping mask, (how can anyone wear those? I don’t think I would be able to wear it and fall asleep because I would keep giggling to think how ridiculous I looked. If I did fall asleep, I would probably wake up tearing it off my face thinking I had been kidnapped or something), toothpaste, toothbrush, mouthwash, lip balm (great stuff), moisturizer lotion, etc. I also was offered pajamas. I took the pajamas, but didn’t use them. I don’t think they would have fit anyway. It was a lovely start to a very long trip. While I didn’t sleep like I do in my own bed, I did get rest on and off through the night. About 4 in the morning my time, going on 9 in the UK, I got up, went to the lavatory and used my travel pack to get myself feeling halfway decent. I was then given my 3-course breakfast, which was very good. I have found that over the years, airline food has improved greatly. Top-notch chefs create the menus and the food is actually pretty darn good considering they are served at 37,000 feet at 650 MPH.

Arrival in London was non-eventful. It was the first time I had been at Heathrow. It is really huge. The one thing I do want to comment on is the fact that we, in America, just don’t get it. Growing up as a military brat, and going to high school outside of the US made me get a feel for the community of the world. Living in another country gives you 3 things: an appreciation of home, an appreciation of other cultures, and an appreciation of the diversity AND oneness of the human race. Difference abounds, but we are far more alike than we are different. As I walked through the terminal, I drank in the humanity around me like a thirsty desert dweller. Indians, Hasidic Jews, Brits, Greeks, French, Arabs, Americans, Pakistani, Chinese, all tongues and colors were around me. I was awestruck by the world. It was great.

My first goal was to find the lounge and take a shower. I couldn’t wait. I had a little over 4 hours to kill and I couldn’t think of a better way to spend it than to take a shower and change my clothes before departing on an 11-hour flight. The shower suite was downstairs from the lounge. The suite also included a spa with wonderful smells emanating from the center. I thought about getting a massage, but let it go. The shower rooms were wonderful. New age music wafted through the speakers giving a relaxed feeling to the room. The shower was a steam and shower together with jets that sprayed from the wall as well as from above. Heaven. You could choose steam or not……I chose steam. That was probably a mistake on my part. It made me so hot that my face turned all red and I couldn’t cool down even when I ran cooler water. Anyway, I took my time and enjoyed the shower and good lotions and soaps that were available. Dried my hair (blow dryers on the wall…everyone has those available now. I remember in the late 60’s early 70’s having a blow dryer was practically a sign of wealth!), put on a new face, clean change of clothes, and I felt really great.

Going up to the lounge, I thought I would pull out the laptop and do my first installment for here. There was one problem. The lounge was SO crowded I could barely find an open space. Again, business class and first class lounges were separate, and so many people fly business class that it’s not quiet and comfortable like the Admirals Clubs in the states. As I was walking through, I noticed tucked in the back a room with SANCTUARY stenciled on the door. Oh yeah, just what I wanted. The room was small, but low lights, couches, recliners, and screens made it a haven for the weary. I wanted to find the corner, but a little family was back there resting. I moved from one seat to another further back against the wall. When the family left, I took the divan in the corner. A few Muslims came in to pray. It brought back a memory of when I flew to Greece with my family when I was 14. On the way to Athens, a man came out of his seat into the aisle of the plane, spread his prayer rug, and began to bow and pray. I had never seen anything like that. It fascinated me. I grew up a Southern Baptist…..that is another story.

Anyway, I pulled out the laptop and wrote a couple of paragraphs, but I was beginning to feel tired again. When my fingers refused to type any longer, I let it go.

More to come......

Where's Waldo's Mom? Shanghai Dairies Part I

2005-11-09T01:32:00.000-05:00

I have limited time on the net, so I have to post when I can. This is the first in the series......

Day 1; or Day 1 ½ I guess. How come I always let everything go until the last minute? I ran around Sunday making myself crazy because I had not packed for my trip. I am going to be gone for 3 weeks; you would think that I would know better. It always comes down to doing the laundry. No matter what I buy, I always end up wearing the same 3 things, and they are always in the laundry. Course, 3 things won’t last me for 3 weeks, but I can arrange them in an infinite number of ways. However, I did pack a pretty tight suitcase with probably more stuff that I need. I brought 2 carry ons and checked the clothes. The carry ons have all of the “other stuff” books, movies, DVDs, headphones, a change of clothes (just in case!) toiletries, stuff from my purse (can’t carry a purse AND 2 carry ons, the purse counts as one…..please! I know the tricks), medicines, a snack, and so on. I didn’t bring DVDs, headphones and the DVD player this time. I get my own personal DVD on the plane and can pick from whatever movies I want, plus, I couldn’t plug it in in Shanghai without a transformer which I am sure they have, but now Lindsey has it for the trip to Kokomo.

So the car to take me to the airport was to come at 7:00 p.m. and at 6:00 p.m. I was ready to go. I felt like I was going away forever; I got goodbye visits from my Mom-in-law, Lucille, my sister-in-law, Sarah, Stacie, Charlie, and Nathan, Lindsey was not doing too well, she hates to be left alone with her brother and father who don’t do much more than grunt at her while watching Comcast Sports, ESPN, football, etc. She needs to go see her grandmom.

So I get to the airport and check in, thinking I was in the international terminal……I was flying British Airways to Heathrow…….but when I went up the escalator, I was in my good ‘ole American Airlines terminal. I forget they had built that connector, and BA is right next door to Terminal A; BA partners with AA. Little did I know that there was a first class lounge and business class lounge down the terminal and down the elevator to the bowels of the building! I thought I knew that terminal better than that! Since it is an overnight flight, I was told I should eat my dinner before getting on the plane. They served dinner down there in the basement dining area. It was OK. I’ve had better. Then I go to the lounge with fellow business travelers (We can’t go to the first class lounge…we’re just grunts, not VIPs traveling first class.) They were watching West Wing where they were having a live “fake” presidential debate between Alan Alda and Jimmy Smits. I could tell immediately that I was among fellow pharma employees when we all began to make smart remarks when they began debating “the high price of drugs…how awful we are etc…). Come to find out there was a large group of GSKers going to the UK. Anyway, some guy from the group grabs the remote and changes the TV to the Eagles/Redskins game. YEAH! I was so excited! I got up and moved to the chair closest to the TV. Unfortunately, we had to board right at halftime when the score was 10 to 7. I still don’t know what the final was. I go around the corner and there was one of the docs that I work with. I found out later he was going to Copenhagen. He wanted to know why I was going to Shanghai via London…..

So I get up to the gate and when I got there, they took my boarding pass and started looking at the computer. I thought, Oh no, what’s wrong? Ta Da! I got an upgrade to first class. Now that is a nice start to a long trip! The only reason I can think that I may have gotten the upgrade is because I am a FF on AA and like I mentioned before, BA & AA partner. Of the 14 first class seats, there were only two of us.

Now, the seats in business class have the fully reclinable seats so you can sleep, but it feels like you are in a commune because there are so many people in business class. (Know how fun it is to sleep with 50 strangers around you? Mostly men who snore? And smell? Persons with gas, in very close proximity on planes, is torture. Come on…..everyone knows you have gas in the morning!)

So….in my first class seat that is also fully reclinable I was pretty comfortable. These seats are more like pods, and a little more private that business class. We really got wonderful service too. I got to choose a 3-course meal that they would serve me at anytime (which was good, because I really didn’t eat much at the airport cause the food was just not that good).

To be continued.......................

No need to reply...

2005-10-24T10:51:00.000-04:00

OK, it's been over a month and not single peep from me. I guess there is no need to have earth shaking things to report in order to blog a note here and there. Frankly, I have been just too stressed and busy to do what I really want to do, and that includes blogging. So if I still have my 1 or 2 readers out there, I am back!

Coming up....."PET PEEVE" for the day. Admit it, you all know these people. The "Reply to all" people. What is their problem? I just don't get it. Someone sends out an email to a huge distribution list, OK, that's very efficient. Then you start getting the replies.........Then the replies to the replies.........Then angry people who think they are very intelligent begin sending indignant replies to the entire distribution list saying please do not reply to all you idiots! (While they are replying to all) THEN you get the answer from the originator of the email saying .......please reply only to me, do not reply to all. When you reply to all, everyone on the list gets your response. Of course that sets off another course of replies. You know, things like"I'm sorry that I replied to all" which in turn makes the angry intelligent people come back with a reply to all that is something like "PLEASE STOP REPLYING TO ALL YOU ARE BACKING UP MY EMAIL BOX!" (While they are replying to all). Of course you get the ones that are clueless. They respond to all with something like this............"I keep getting these emails to......... (whatever the original email wanted).........I don't think I am supposed to be getting these emails. Am I in charge of this? I don't think I am. I think these are being sent to me in error. Why am I getting these?" EARTH TO IDIOT!

We had one chain of email events at our office one day that if I were to say "Rolf's Replies" today, everyone would crack up laughing. Since our company is global, sometimes our distribution lists go to thousands of people around the world. This one guy in Sweden was so confused by the original email and then the replies to all that you could literally follow his initial confusion to his utter terror at being bombarded by email.

The problem was this.........He got the original email.....he replied to all "Why did I get this?"...then he began to get other "reply to all" messages from other people........He began to answer each person that replied to all with another reply to all question "Why are you sending this to me?".......it began to roll way out of control because he then began to get the replies from the angry intelligent people that were directed at him. You can really tell when an intelligent person is totally stressed when they reply to all with this type of message....."STOP STOP STOP!!!PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO ALL!!! THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS!!! IF YOU DON'T STOP I AM GOING TO SEND SOMEONE TO KILL YOU!!!" I would say that that is a Type A person.....I have a simple solution for you angry intelligent persons......DELETE.

It's not like we haven't had email around for enough time that this is a new-fangled idea. It seems to me that it is a basic (very basic) piece of knowledge. I have never thought I was an overly complex or intelligent individual (for you Shawn), but I do understand the difference between "reply" and "reply to all". Somehow, I am certain that Bill Gates would find this extremely funny. He knew what would happen when he decided to make "Reply to all" an option.

Booooorrrrrrrrring!!

2005-09-21T20:22:00.000-04:00

Is my life so boring that I can't think of one single thing to talk about? The most exciting thing happening to me these days is the fact that the new fall season has started on TV.............I don't like television that much. Well, that isn't really true. I like television, but I feel like such a lump when I watch it. There are things to be done, letters to be written, homework to be done, people to talk to, crafts to be crafted, bills to pay, books to read, housework to be done, clothes to wash.........and I sit watching a rerun of Seinfeld that I have seen 25,000 times, mouth open ready to repeat the script word for word and laugh at the same lines I have laughed at 25,000 times before. I then wake up for work in the morning and find I have no clean underwear because I haven't done the wash for 2 weeks. Yeesh...........I should be exercising, cleaning, volunteering for Katrina relief, babysitting my grandsons, creating a family history, scrapbooking the 35 years of photographs I have, and trying to get ahead at work (don't get me started there, I am in over my head)......I just don't feel like it........Maybe it will pass...........Oh , Oh , Oh, the season premiere of "Lost" is on!! Later.........

Are You Ready For Some Football?

2005-09-11T13:20:00.001-04:00

There was a game on last Thursday. It was the first of the season. Today, however, it begins in earnest. FOOTBALL SEASON!

Believe it or not, there are a lot of women that love football too. Now don't sick all of the women's organizations on me for my next comment, please. I love football because "my boys" love football. The sweetheart of my youth, middle age, and beyond has made me a football fan over the years. (Although I still have not made him a fan of shopping.) Watching my 2 boys and my husband take in football together is a lot of fun. Because these men in my life are so adverse to showing their softer side, I get the positive reinforcement I need that they are indeed close to one another during football season. They are more animated during football than at any other time of the year. My youngest son mostly grunts when I ask him anything, but before a football game he can't shutup. He actually knows a lot of words and can put them together coherently! My oldest son doesn't live close to home now, but last year, he flew home for the Superbowl (we bleed Eagles green, and last year gave us such a high) because watching without benefit of fellow blood Eagles fans just doesn't cut it. He calls during games to talk to his dad and his brother and when a great play happens or a horrific play happens, I can guarantee the ringing of the phone will not be far behind.

One comment here, my daughter-in-law is unbelievable. She delivered my first grandchild on January 1st of 2005. She needed gall bladder surgery in February, but postponed it so he could come home for that Superbowl. Way to go Jessica! She gets it. (And I don't mean football!)

I am not a football widow, I am a football fan. I have to be........it's a family rule. Even my oldest daughter converted her husband to Eagles football. He wasn't much of a sports fan because his dad wasn't, but now he watches too.

I can't spout all of the statistics, or make the picks like everybody else can, but I do understand the game. (It is a game after all, I can understand most games. My youngest son would like to ban me and any other female who thinks they know football from making any comments, however. Raspberry to him! ) I understand who has been good and who has been bad over the past 25 or so years. (Maybe I could make a few picks after all.) We haven't always been so good......but our time is here now. We have the best coach to ever lead an Eagles team. (Although I always like Dick Vermeil)

So break out the Doritos, the buffalo wings, the chips, the dip, the soda, ( sorry, all those beer commercials are lost on us), change the big screen to high-def so we can see the pores on the nose of the cornerback, and let's do some serious armchair quarterbacking.

E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!!

Soapbox Time!

2005-09-04T14:21:00.000-04:00

I have been in mourning long enough. It is time to get back to blogging. The hard part about this is what I try to do here is have a little fun and try to make a few people smile. With all of the tragedy in LA and MS after Katrina, it is hard to get light hearted about anything. So just let me get up on my soapbox for the next few minutes and get these thoughts off my chest.

I am disappointed...and a little embarrassed.....that the world has to see us infighting so much. This is a time to come together as a nation......not point fingers of blame. The mayor of New Orleans wants to blame the federal government and especially President Bush for not getting to the city on time, for not getting food to the city, for not getting transportation out of the city, for wasting time. My question is: As Mayor of a city that resides below sea level, (I am sure you knew that before the storm!) why did you not offer your citizens who were too poor, too sick, too young, too old to get out on their own, an opportunity to get out? Could you not have asked for transportation? Could you not have asked for your own National Guard to help? (Yes folks, the National Guard is a program that can be activated by the local authorities) Did the storm take you by surprise, or did you know several days in advance that you might get flattened? When you called for evacuation, did you consider all of those who might not have the ability to go? Are they not under your local care?

The democrats are so happy that they have something to criticize Bush with that they are about ready to pee there pants. C'mon guys let get perspective here. Drop the attack and get on board the help train. I wanna see Trent Lott and Ted Kennedy working side by side down there cleaning up! (Well, they might not be in the best health for that, but you get my drift.) Do you realize that it makes the rest of the world nervous when we get out of whack? Please, let us put on the face that shows the land of the free and the home of the brave. That is what we are....... in spite of political battling..........And please don't play the race card for me. I just want to blow a gasket. When members of the congressional black caucus get up and say on TV that they are ashamed of America and ashamed of the government because they believe we do not care what happens to these victims because they are black, I just want to explode. It's one thing to criticize the government, but I say to you, how dare you criticize the people of your own nation......people who are opening there wallets and giving of their time and talents to assist all of the victims. How dare you......I am going to help in spite of your mean natured comments, because it isn't about you....or me.

It doesn't really matter who you want to blame now, its done.....it's tragic....we all need to pray for those who have been devastated by this and dip into our pocketbooks to donate cash. We also need to dip into our hearts and think about what we can do, no matter how little, to help our brothers and sisters out there. What I believe is that the vast majority of our nation is not wasting time pointing fingers, but are trying to do what they can to help, with money, donations, talents, and time. Let's forget about the stupid politics of it all and learn a lesson here. If we are not prepared for these kind of things, how do we get prepared? What can we put into place after this tragedy to prevent it from happening again? (Because believe me, this will not be the last time here or abroad that we have disaster....we are living in the last day my friends. Don't get all freaky on me, I am not looking toward heaven for a chariot of fire yet.) We have ways to respond, how can they be better? What are you doing in your family to be ready for a disaster? Do you have a plan? We need to take responsibility for ourselves as well, and not expect for the government to be there waiting with open arms. They will help, but we are talking human beings here, they are not perfect. At least be ready to keep yourselves sustained for a short while. (72 hour kits, guys)

No matter what you feel about what happened or how the response should have been, the fact remains that we have thousands that need our help now. You can do something...anything, open your doors, send a canned good, give a dollar, better yet give a lot of dollars if you can, just do it, you'll feel better....... and someone else will be better too.

Goodbye Buddy

2005-08-23T18:36:00.000-04:00

I think if you asked any person on the street the question "What constitutes a happy life?" They would probably answer with a combination of things like money, a nice house, good kids, having a good marriage etc. I think that if you asked the question "Do you think that loving, being loved, and feeling loved is the most important thing in life to make us happy?" that the overwhelming answer would be yes......If that is the case, I can say that Ed had a happy life. It's ironic that just 2 weeks ago I posted about my Ed and how he had surgery to remove a growth under his eyelid. He was the picture of health. He was the picture of health Sunday night. Monday morning, however, Ed was acutely ill. It all happened so quickly. His big sweet heart just developed a problem that couldn't be fixed. As the day progressed and the hopes of restoring Ed to his former healthy self became less and less possible, I had to face the reality that Eddie would be leaving us and I had to make "The Decision". Would I take heroic measures that would probably not extend his life to a great extent, or would I let him go peacefully and painlessly? Hoping I had made the right decision, I chose the latter. I held his head in my lap has he took his last breath. I wanted to be there with him and let him know that he didn't have to be afraid and that someone who loved him was there at the end.

Ed was a devoted friend. He loved hugs around his big hairy neck. He loved the snow. He loved to eat. (Isn't if funny, I love those things too!) He loved to be brushed and scratched on the behind. He was afraid of thunderstorms and tried to hide under things that were too small for his great big body. Just last week I heaved him up on my bed during the middle of the night so I could put my arm around him and assure him that the thunder was not going to hurt him. He stayed until it was all over and then jumped down to do his job of protecting the household. (Even though he was always a big chicken!) He loved children and especially liked them when they were eye level, or licking level to him. He loved to go for rides and was first to the door when asked if he wanted to go. When he was young he could do this amazing vertical leap over couches and chairs and he loved to play "footsie", putting his feet on top of yours and then you putting yours on top of his, and then his on top of yours at a frantic pace until he would get so excited he would take off and "do a lap" around the house. He probably was the most gentle dog I have ever owned (and I have owned a few). We had a Yorkshire Terrier at one time and that little stinker would grab onto the hair of Eddie's neck and just hang there growling and shaking his head. Ed would look at me with this pleading look as if to say "Can you get this off, please?" He usually didn't get into the trash, but sometimes he couldn't resist if it was something he thought would be good. The funny thing was that he didn't hide the fact that he was getting into the trash. He would pick up whatever treasure it was and carry it tentatively into the room where the family was doing what families do and look around like, "Is it OK if I have this?". I'll never forget him carrying in a great big watermelon rind. It looked like he was carrying a giant smile. It was almost as funny as the time he got the trash lid caught around his neck and he raced to the bathroom to hide. He was sheepishly looking at us like "I really don't know how this got caught on my neck.......really"

There are many who say "It's a dog for cryin out loud." I would venture to say that they have never had the distinct pleasure of owning and loving a dog. I know that there are real tragedies in the world. I know that there are vitally important things to do for the safety and well-being of mankind. I know there are things that are much more important than a dog. However, Ed loved me unconditionally; that meant a lot to me. He never expected more than a pat on the head and a bowl of food in the mornings. I hope I did the right thing for him. Eddie was faithful and true and lived to the measure of his creation.......I should be so lucky as to have someone say that about me at the end of my days.

I hope you are doing vertical leaps on the other side Ed.........I am going to miss you, buddy.

Quick, can you teach me Chinese?

2005-08-16T16:43:00.000-04:00

I love my job. I really do. Really......... However, sometimes, when people make decisions that affect me, I just cringe. Sometimes I get that deer in the headlights look, or the who? me? look.

I am supposed to go to China and Taiwan in the next couple of months. I am looking forward to the experience. I have always loved to travel, although when I travel for work, I tend to just work, work, work, sleep, work some more and then go home. The good thing about these trips was the fact that I was taking a colleague of Chinese descent. I was very happy that she was going so she could give me the ins and outs of communicating and maybe show me a few interesting spots, not to mention, I don't speak Chinese......at all.....ever......never.

I found out today that she will probably not be allowed to go due to the fact that it may not be critical for her to go and budgets are tight (not unusual in these fuel expensive days). It was said that I knew my job quite well and there was every confidence that I would do just fine by myself.

Am I being a baby, or is it OK for me to feel like.... BY MYSELF!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING!!!???? NOOOOOOO!!!

Here I am, this giant Caucasian woman going where I can't read the road signs. Who knows where I could end up? No one will be there to tell me what to eat.....or, more importantly, what not to eat. No one to tell me "Please shut-up you have offended everyone in the entire room." and then apologize for my ignorance. No one to take pictures with me in them. (I went to Paris and only got a couple of pictures with me in them, I found an American couple to help me out.) And how do I figure the money? Will I pay $3,000 for a taxi on my American Express and not know until I come home? I don't think the company will reimburse for stupidity.

The biggest problem here is that my company has confidence in me.........ME.........I have faked everybody out. I just know all of the abilities they think I have are really non-existent. I am a phoney, a fake, a fraud!! They are going to ask that 15 years of salary be returned due to my total lack of knowledge. I don't have it.

I guess I will have to have my affairs in order before I go........I may disappear and never resurface......Maybe Chad Lewis is free??? (If I have to explain that one, never mind)

No More Death Breath!

2005-07-31T15:57:00.000-04:00

This is my dog Ed. I love Ed. As you can see, he is pretty good size. His top weight was around 135 pounds, but he is down to about 109 now. Ed will be 11 years old this year. I took Ed to the vet last week because he had a tumor on his eye. Well, it was under his eyelid, but it began to grow out. The vet said it had to come out, so on Friday he went to have surgery. The vet said he would clean his teeth too. I had wanted to get that done for a long time cause Ed has Death Breath. I mean when he pants, he could clear a room. I just thought that dogs had nasty breath because they sometimes ate nasty things. Just so you know, dogs can have Death Breath because they have a bad tooth. (WARNING! WARNING! GROSS STUFF AHEAD!)My poor Ed had a hole in the gum by his back molar that had become necrotic and filled with.........well, suffice it to say it was bad. The roots of his tooth were exposed and he had a pus pocket along his jowl. (I am sure this was the source of the said Death Breath)The vet took pictures and showed them to me. (Those of you that know me will know that I found that cool. Somebody has to like doing this kind of stuff, or we would all walk around with yucky things on us and our pets!) Anyway, the eye is fixed, the teeth are fixed, and Ed is like new. No more pushing him away when he looks up at me with those big brown eyes and then belches. Thats a sign of love from a dog you know! The vet said he had the blood work of a 2 year old, which makes me happy. I hope Eddie is around for a while to come. Just don't ask me what all this cost...I still wince a little. But look at my big baby! It was worth it.

What's In A Name?

2005-07-26T14:50:00.000-04:00

I need some stress relief. I have had way to much to do lately. For some reason, coming here and doing a post takes my mind off of the things I should be doing. I am not sure if that is good or not. Probably not, since it is taking me away from the things I should be doing. Procrastination is one of my strong points......I need to talk about that another day.

Anyway, I was reading over my posts, and I saw that I use the word 'moron' a lot. That is not particularly nice. Although, if the shoe fits..........Well, I decided that I should be nicer; but then I got to thinking about the word moron. If my memory is correct, words like moron, idiot,and imbecile were once psychiatric terms that described an IQ level or a level of mental disability. If you were a moron, you were mildly disabled, if you were an imbecile, you took it up a notch, and if you were an idiot, you were profoundly disabled. So, really if I call you a moron, I am only saying you are mildly stupid! It's not like I am calling you an idiot! If you look these words up in the dictionary, it says they don't use them clinically anymore because they are considered an insult these days.

So, if it was around 1900 and I called you a moron it would be a medical term. Can you just imagine?..................."Mr. Jones, I have to advise you that after our testing, we have found that you are a moron, which is not as bad as an imbecile and far better than an idiot! So cheer up and have a wonderful day!"

Did you know that "numbskull" is in the dictionary? You can spell it "numbskull" or "numskull". I would have to say that "numbskull" is more appropriate. You know, indicating that your head is numb and all. The definition is.....n. a stupid person. Couldn't that also be an adjective? Let's see, person place or thing as a noun....Descriptor as an adjective..."He is a numbskull!" I am trying to bring up my sentence diagramming skills from elementary school.....You know, they don't do that any more. I always liked diagramming sentences, it was fun.

Going on with the name thing, if I were stupid, and I looked it up in the dictionary to find out what it meant, would I understand it? And did you know that 'stupidness' is a word??!! It is right in the dictionary and is a noun. So now I can say "His stupidness was unbelievable!" and be right!

But I digress. The whole point was I am going to try to be nicer. I don't ever call people names to their face because it isn't nice. So I will try not to do it in my mind or on my posts....How does 'dumb' strike you?

Out Of Control

2005-07-24T21:18:00.000-04:00

That's my youngest daughter's latest catch phrase. Everything and everybody that she finds annoying or unbelievable is "out of control!" That includes me, of course, I am often 'out of control' in her eyes. However, I must say that the stories she has brought home from her job of about 9 months definitely fit the description. She is in retail. We all know that working with the public puts you in contact with some mighty strange characters. I won't mention the store, I don't need any lawsuits, but she works in one of those stores that sells "pretty stuff" that women like to buy. Here I now give you my first list of "you gotta be kidding me!" stories. I am sure that more will come in the future; stupid and annoying and nervy people are never in short supply.

#5.) A woman comes in to return a fitted sheet. No receipt, no tag to even prove it came from the store, just a torn sheet and bringing her mother along with her.

Customer:I bought this sheet a year ago, and it has a rip. I don't understand why it would rip after only a year!

Customer's mother: I have sheets that are 35 years old and they haven't ripped!

Lindsey, staring blankly, "Let me call the manager." (Translation :"I can't handle this.")

Manager: I am sorry but you can't return the sheet after a year with no receipt. We don't even know if it came from this store (I am sure she wanted to add 'you moron you' at the end of that sentence)

The argument goes on for 20 minutes. The mother is appalled that a sheet would rip after only one year after HER sheets have lasted 35 years. I have some old stuff in my house, and probably some sheets that are 30 years old, but I don't think I would bring that up. It just kind of grosses me out. The store won on this one, no return allowed.

#4.) The police are called to the shopping center because a young woman has had her car stolen. Police arrive, start writing a stolen car report and the girl spots her car. OOPS!, Sorry officer, I just forgot where I parked my car..............That girl has a drivers license??

#3.) Woman comes in to return a very expensive bedset ($400 expensive enough for you?)

Customer: "I want to return this, it's faded. I took it to the dry cleaners, but it still faded."

(You know those little material balls that appear on your pillow? They were all over these pillows)

Lindsey: "Do you have a receipt?"

Customer "Oh yes, I just want to pick out a whole new set to replace this one!"

About an HOUR later the woman appears at the check-out with her new expensive bedset. The exchange rate was not exactly equal so she kept asking 'How much do I have left?' and then she would run off to get this or that doo dad to make up the difference. All free of course, because she just wanted an even exchange, you know. (Blink, Blink go my innocent eyes)

Now for the receipt................It's dated September 2004. She has had this bed set for 10 months!! But of course, that is not all. On the same receipt is the evidence of another return. Seems that last September she returned a very expensive bedset that she had had for almost a year and made an even exchange for the bedset she is now returning 10 months later. What kind of racket is that? She has figured a way to redecorate her bedroom every year without spending a dime. "Gee, and if I can find a good one on sale, I can get some doo dads to go with it!" Now that is nerve. BTW, she was able to do this without any questions.

#2.) OK, the theme seems to center around what some people have the nerve to return. Here's one for you. Customer comes in and wants to return a foot spa. You know, you fill it up with water and then it does wonderful things for your feet? Now correct me if I am wrong, but I don't usually buy anything if a box is open unless I really want it and it's the last one. However, I surely will look through the box if it is damaged or opened to make sure everything is there. I make the assumption that this box was intact when the customer bought it. So, a foot spa, the customer believes that it has been used and it is missing a piece or two. Customer wants a direct exchange.......no problem, the store is there to please their customers. Customer brings new product to checkout, this receipt is only about a week old, cashier (Lindsey) opens the returned foot spa in front of the customer. The box is wet.....the plastic wrapped around the spa is wet......the spa is wet........Cashier and customer make eye contact.........customer has a poker face.......Cashier sighs, puts the wet spa back into the box and says "You're good to go..." you moron you....Now I say to you, was this a cruel joke at the foot spa factory where Joe and Buddy decide it would be hilarious if they got everything wet before they packaged this foot spa? No, wait, wouldn't be able to enjoy that in person...AT LEAST DRY IT OFF BEFORE YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO RETURN IT!

#1.) Not all people are clever enough, like those above, to think of ideas on how to steal without admitting they are actually stealing. Some people are quite direct about what they believe they should have for free. Take this case that I place at #1....Very large man comes into the store early one morning. Early is good, before everyone is alert enough to do much more than stare at your audaciousness (sp? or is that a word?) Anyway, he is large enough to be intimidating to the women that run a "pretty stuff" store. Walks directly to one of the most expensive items in the store, a Dyson vacuum cleaner (I love mine!) picks it up and heads toward the checkout. The cashier, (not Lindsey) says: "I can take you right here." He says, "Oh, right here?" and points to the counter, but continues to walk directly out of the store to a waiting jeep that sits in front of the store where his lovely accomplice waits. He loads the vacuum into the Jeep, gets behind the wheel of the car, and drives off, extending his arm out of the window and giving the middle finger salute to all in the store. What more can I add to that? Everyone just kind of looked at each other. They didn't even call the police, what's the point?

But......I have a bonus one here. Lindsey's personal favorite, and mine too, I must say.

Woman buys a candy bar. Leaves the store. Comes back later with half a candy bar. "I don't like this candy bar. I want to return it and get my money back." You'll be happy to know that that one didn't get a refund.

Compassion Is My Life

2005-07-22T21:16:00.000-04:00

I am a nurse. I love nursing; although I don't do it full time. My full time work is in clinical research at a (gasp! choke!) pharmaceutical company. Yes, I belong to the evil empire, the "big drug company" as the media like to descibe us. It's much easier to hate something that doesn't have an identity you know. Maybe I will post on that another time, but for now, it is my other job on which I will go into a diatribe.

So what is nursing all about? Some still like to think of us as those young women in white, including the cap, that float tirelessly from patient to patient giving back rubs and tending their wounds until they are well.................well......no, it's not. First of all, the average age these days is 45. Unless you want dogs that kill you, a back that feels like it is breaking, and people that feel that you are there to wait on them hand and foot, nursing is not a career path for you. OK that is a bit harsh, but I just finished a 16 hour shift.....Secondly, the nursing cap has gone the way of the buggy whip. With so many men in the field these days, they would look a little funny with the cap anyway.
Most nurses are sleep deprived, (shift work will do that to you) not sure what day it is, (shift work will do that to you), can eat any type of food at any time of day (shift work will do that to you), and can be distracted trying to remember if everything was done before they left their shift. Did I mention the shift work? It isn't uncommon to get a call or make a call to the nurse that just relieved you or you just relieved telling them something that was important, or making sure something was done that you were pretty sure you did but can't remember.

There are rewards. The money can be good, but if you are getting into the field for the money.....please don't. Patients like to talk to us. They tell us things they won't tell the doctor. We want to listen, but one of our biggest complaints is that we don't always have the time to do that. When someone goes home better than when they came in, that makes us happy, especially if we helped that through the long nights. When someone doesn't make it, we are there to cry with those who are left. We encourage all kinds of bodily functions and noises that would be rude outside the walls of the unit. Some times we even clap and cheer for those functions and noises. Some really funny things happen, some really gross things happen, (just a hint...always wear gloves before you plunge your hand under a patient) some really sad things happen. We get to peek into the lives of others and enrich ourselves along the way. Do I get tired of telling the same gentleman to please put down his gown, his privates aren't going to go anywhere? Sometimes. Do I get tired of the 25th request for ice while I am running down the hall to someone that can't get their breath? Sometimes. Do I get tired of the "I pay your salary, you need to come when I call!" Definitely. I don't do it full time...bless those that do. It's now Friday again, my job for the week is over...I have a double shift tomorrow. I'm pretty sure some more stuff will happen during that time

Some of My Favorite Movie Lines

2005-07-08T13:37:00.000-04:00

Just for fun....Here are some of my favorite movie lines. Can you name the movie, characters, and/or situation surrounding the line? (This should be a cake walk for you movie guys! Most are too famous to get wrong, but the key is they are some of my favorites.) One is actually from a television show. Can you name it?

In no particular order:

"What we have heah (here) is failure to communicate."

"Arugala, it's a veg-i-ta-ble!"

"He did not choose wisely."

"We're gonna need a bigger boat."

"You can't handle the truth!!"

"Dying' ain't much of a livin', boy."

"The yoots? What is a yoot?"

"Badges?We don't need no stinkin' badges!"

"Hello, My name is Talking Tina, and I am going to kill you"

"The shoes, right? The shoes are tragic."

"This was no boating accident!"

"I have green sandwiches and brown sandwiches.....It's either very new cheese or very old meat."

"I have one word for you... 'Plastics!'"

This is Technology II???

2005-07-06T21:37:00.000-04:00

OK, My telephone is STILL not working. I did what they told me to do. I called the number for repairs. Another Voice-O-Matic wanted all of my vital statistics. Another wait. Another very nice repair type guy got on the phone. Please repeat your vital statisitcs. Here is the converstation:

Him: What is the telephone number that is having the problem?
Me: xxx-xxx-xxxx
Him: Are you calling from that number now?
Me:?????????(I had to take the phone away from my ear and just look at it)
Me: (Politely) No, my phone is not working, there is no dial tone, and I cannot use it. (I can't imagine what would be wrong with a phone I can use to call the repair guy with.)
Him: Do you have any cordless phones?
Me: Yes, 3.
Him: Did you check to see if they are all turned off or hung up?
Me: No, I have the IQ of a handball. (I didn't really say that of course)
Me: Yes.
Him: Sounds like you need to reset your phone.
Me: OK, how do I do that?
Him: Unplug all of the phones from the jacks in the wall, let them sit for 5 minutes, and then plug the corded phone in first and see if you have a dial tone then you can plug in the other phones. Do you have an answering machine?
Me: Yes.
Him: Unplug that from the wall too.
Me: Do I have to unplug them from the wall jacks or can I just unplug the jack from the phone?
Him: No, you have to unplug the phones from the wall jacks.
Me: SIGH
Him: Oh, there is a test box outside that has test jacks that you can plug a phone into to see if it is the phone line that is not working. You can test your line there too; but try the reset.
Me:OK
Him: If the reset doesn't work, call us back and we will take it from there.

Can you see where this is going???

Me:OK

Now, I ask you....what would be the smart thing to do here? If I really didn't have the IQ of a handball, I probably would have gone straight to the test box and ruled that out first. Right? Oh no, not I. You see, I have a history of being obedient to the forces that appear to have more authority or knowledge than me. (I still struggle with that and am trying to question authority more....because it is my firm belief that most people are not all they claim to be. I am getting better, but you would never know it from this move. Pretty sad for a woman over 50.)

Anyway, there are 3 cordless phones and 2 corded phones for this number. Did you know that the wall jacks are all behind or under something else? The worst is in my office. I have a dual jack that plugs in 2 different numbers behind my desk that weighs approximately 1000 pounds.
I WILL get to it. So I got on top of the desk and reached behind it (the jack is smack in the middle of the wall behnd the desk) knocking over modems, speakers, clocks, papers, and falling into the computer monitor in the process. I did get it unplugged. Guess what? It didn't work. Now I had to plug it back in. Here was the conversation with my youngest son(19).

Me: Brent! Can you come here a minute?
Him: What?
Me: Can you get behind here and plug this back in?
Him: Mom! why didn't you just ask me to help you?
Me: 'Cause I can do it.
Him: No you can't. Here, let me do it.

Now he is kneeling on the desk reaching behind the desk, but not knocking over all of the things I knocked over, or falling into the monitor.

Him: Which one goes in which outlet?
Me: mmmmmmmm....The top one? (Handball moment)

Now he has plugged them in, but of course, the lines were reversed and he had to get back on the desk again and switch the lines.

In the meantime, my lifelong sweetheart has gone out to the test box and determined that the line is bad by testing the line in the phone jack there.

Now to call back the repair guy.

Call, Voice-O-Matic, life history, repair guy, life history

Him: The phone didn't work when you plugged it into the test box jack?
Me: No.
Him: Well, I will write up a repair order and send someone out tomorrow. He will be out sometime between 8 a.m. and 7 p.m. Will someone be there in case he needs to get into the house?
Me:(%*&#zk&)....Your guess is as good as mine.

Between 8 a.m. and 7 p.m.??????

Take a guess what time he showed up.... 6:55 p.m. He plugged his test phone into the test box and the line didn't work. He said: "The line is bad."

Is this for real?

They are going to send someone out tomorow to fix it.

My phone still doesn't work.

This is technology???

2005-07-05T19:17:00.000-04:00

So, my telephone stopped working this morning. All you get when you call is a busy signal. This should make me happy since no one can call me and I hate to talk on the phone anyway, because I can never think of anything to say, and none of my friends call me anyway because I must be terribly boring because I can never think of anything to say............that's true. Obviously, I am much better talking to myself.

Anyway, I had to get it fixed. How do you get the phone fixed, you say.? Why, you call the phone company of course!! The problem with that is ever since Ma Bell was broken up because we thought she was a monopoly, (You young'uns don't remember this I am sure, but there was a time that there was only one supplier of telephone service: Bell Telephone. We could blame everything on them. They took it well and fixed our service when it was down. It worked quite nicely. One bill, one service, no complications. We didn't even own the phones! And they NEVER broke! You could throw those babies against a wall!) it has become more and more confusing as to who does what to whom. I have 2 telephone lines into my home. I also have a telephone line in PA that rings into one of my Delaware numbers. I also have 5 cell phones. (Why?) These services are billed to me by Verizon, Cingular, Nextel, and MCI...........I called AT&T to get my telephone line fixed. Wasn't Verizon and AT&T the same at one time? Didn't AT&T merge with Cingular? Doesn't that make them all the same company? So I called. I was told by an automated voice to please give my name, telephone number with area code, address, age, yearly income, number of dependents and do I want to continue in Spanish.....The Voice-O-Matic then told me I would have a 7 minute waiting period until I could speak to a representative. Seven full minutes with elevator music and a repetative message every 30 seconds telling me how much my call meant to them and please don't hang up because if you do, you go to the back of the line. All the while, I knew that when I finally got to speak to a representative that I would have the wrong number...and I did. When my friendly representatve came on the line I had to repeat to her the same information I had already given to Voice-O-Matic. Why in the world do we have to repeat the same things over and over and over? You cannot convince me that there is no way to transfer information that you have already spoken into the system to the person handling your call. Of course the words came that I knew would come, "I am sorry, we don't handle your service; it says here that you have Verizon local services." How can they know that, but I don't?
I was polite.
Me:"Can you give me a number that I can call?
Them: "I don't think so."
Me: "You have no idea of who I can call?"
Them: "No, Do you have a recent bill?"
Me: "Not at hand."
Them:"I would be glad to open an account with you for your services now. We can give you a good bundled package."
Me: "Huh? No, I just want my phone fixed."
Them: "Are you sure? We have a good package that includes.....(I stopped listening)
Me: (Still polite with an edge) "No thank you, I just want to get my phone fixed. Can you give me a number to call?"
Them:"Let me check."
Me: "Thank you. " Moron...that was in my head.
Them: "The number you can try is....
Me: "Thank you."
Them: "Are you sure we can't set-up a local program for you? Is there anything else I can do for you today?"
Me:"No, I appreciate your help."
Now, you know they knew that number the whole time, but I was proud of myself, I didn't explode, but I almost broke the phone when I hung it up. I have to admit they were quite nice, so I couldn't be rude.
My phone is still broken, I will give you the repair story with my next installment.

Dieting

2005-07-03T16:42:00.000-04:00

I know what I want to talk about. I want to talk about being fat. I want to talk about being sick and tired of being fat, OR of thinking about being fat. The problems with this is that I have mirrors in my house. I see myself everyday in those mirrors. I love mirrors. My neighbor was throwing away a mirror one day and I almost tackled him to the ground for it. It hangs in my downstairs hallway to this day. I bought a beautiful oval mirror about 4 feet tall at an auction. It hangs at the end of my hallway. I bought two (what I call antique, but they are probably just old and beat up) mirrors at an auction and they are just sitting in my garage, waiting to go somewhere. I bought a stand alone shaving mirror (auction: I love auctions too) that sits on my armoir jewlery case (that has a mirror inside) next to my dresser that has a great big mirror. The bathroom is the biggest offender. That stupid mirror is the size of the whole wall behind the sinks, that one is the worst because that is where I see myself on a daily basis the way I came into this world....you know. ( I hesitate to say the word naked here, there are sensitive minds out there who know me. I can feel them shudder.) Back to my point....I am tired of being fat. I travel a lot with my job and, although they haven't asked me to buy 2 seats yet, I have to pray that my upgrades will come through for first class because I just dread squeezing myself into a 17 inch seat (you heard me, 17 inches). I can guarantee you that my behind is wider than 17 inches. I am begining to feel that those of us who carry around the extra tonnage will go the way of the smoker. You know, kicked out of work to do their dirty business off of company property. I envision the day that there will be fat people lining the road at lunch time licking rib juice off their fingers because the company has gone to health food bars in the cafeteria.

The problem with being fat is that you HAVE to eat! You don't have to smoke or drink to keep breathing air, but one must eat to live. There is an overeaters anonymous out there, but I doubt they tell you never to touch food again. (they probably make you swear to never touch good food again!) The worst part for me is that I have been on every diet imanginable. Of course I stay on them exactly 6 hours and then quit. It seems to be a power struggle; I have to control every aspect of my life; go to work, be a good employee, be a good neighbor, make right choices, be a good mother, do the things I am expected to do, so when it comes to food I am totally out of control. It is the one thing I don't (or refuse) to limit myself on. It's like every time I eat I am giving the raspberry to everyone. It's like I am saying "I'll show YOU!, I'll eat this whole cheesecake and you can't do anything to me!" Really hurting the other guy huh? I am a diabetic....what a moron. I need to sign this off, I am really hungry and need some lunch.

Night Owl

2005-06-28T22:44:00.000-04:00

Why is it always 11:00 at night before I decide I will do something here? I feel crummy, I'm tired and grouchy, and have so much on my mind that I can't sleep. I am screaming into the black hole of blog world and no one can hear me or really cares anyway. Hello? Anyone out there?

Let's see... I think my topic will be women tonight. Women in general...I have had a few years experience being a woman, (OK, all my life, no, I am not a he-she; and YES, I KNOW that isn't politically correct.. see my first paragraph.....grouchy, tired and I am talking to myslef anyway!)so maybe I can speak with some expertise on that subject (being a woman, that is).
Don't worry, I will give man a fair shake and make them a topic one night soon. Maybe I won't be so grouchy, and I can say nice things.

So......women....We are softer, shorter, not as strong as the male, intelligence is about the same as man in general, although I know a few who would argue with that. I say it all evens out statistically. I think our big contribution to the world (other than the propagation of the species, which is of mammoth importance...but you do need the other side for that) is liking pretty stuff. Was that a run-on sentence? Wasn't well crafted, but again.....talking to NO ONE. YES, liking pretty stuff makes us very important to the world, the world economy, and civilization. Don't believe me? Well, take all of the pretty stuff out of the world and what would you have? No landscaping, no Linens n Things store, no Pier One Imports.....For heavens' sake, there would only be places for food and clean underwear...Need I go on? We make worldwide employment opportunities to create, produce, and sell pretty stuff to us. The West was won by men but it was civilized and prettied up by women. Men want power and money. Women want to take that money and make everything pretty. If I didn't want to buy pretty stuff I probably wouldnt' work. Think about it, how much stuff in your house do you really need? I just bought a garden bench for my deck. I can't sit on it , but I love to look at it. It's PRETTY! It was originally $200.00....now come on, was that really necessary? But someone made it for me, a woman. Guaranteed a man wouldn't have bought a bench you can't sit on.

CANKLES!!!

2005-06-23T02:06:00.000-04:00

It must be summer, I have cankles again. For those of you who do not know what a cankle is, it is a calf/ankle. You know, where your ankles are so swelled up that they have no shape and it is just a straight shot from your calves to your feet. I really hate that. Of course, along with cankles come sausage toes. You get the idea, right? I do love the long days of summer and the flowers in bloom, trees that are green, etc. etc...but I cannot abide the heat. I have a friend who LOVES the heat. She works outside in 98 degrees and can't understand why people have their air conditioners on. She wears thermal underwear when it gets to 65 outside. Heck, at 65 I am just coming alive. Now that is perfect weather! Anyhing above 78 gives me cankles and sausage toes. Then, of course, there is the sweat. I hate to sweat...it's, well, it' sweat, what more do I have to say? I married a heavy sweater......that didn't come out exactly like I expected, but anyway, on a hot day he can lose up to 10 pounds. He looks like he showered with his clothes on! OK, I think that is as gross as I am going to get on sweat. Sadly, it is only mid-June and I have a good 3 months to deal with cankles, sausage toes, sweating, hot cars, steering wheels, and leather seats that have been in the sun all day, and the inability to whine about it at home because my husband and son work outside everyday. For some reason, they are not very sympathetic...go figure.

Newbie!

2005-06-16T21:55:00.001-04:00

Well, here I sit. I have stared at this screen for what seems to be a decade, when in fact it has been about 30 seconds. I am a middle-aged grandmother who created a blog. What was I thinking? Until about 2 months ago I would have guessed a blog to be something I needed to clean up off the floor.

The weird thing is, when I was growing up, to have someone read your personal journal was an absolute sin! I can remember hiding in a closet with a flashlight trying to pry open my sister's diary so I could find out all of her secrets. (Sorry, Pat) Here we are in the days of anonymous cyberspace spilling our guts to the whole world. We can say anything we want and the possibility runs from just your family seeing it (or not dependent upon if you tell them about it), to it being broadcast on the nightly news. By the way, I am 5'6", blonde, blue eyes, with an hourglass figure........(You don't know!)

Truth is, my son has a blog "The Doctor's Office" I would put a link to it here, but I don't know how.http://doclove.blogspot.com/ OOOOI think I just learned how! I feel like I am spiraling downward, I can't figure out what to do next. Maybe I will just hit publish and see what hap